Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 104 - Freedom Cobra

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Master Shake: Oh, man that sun is so gnarly! It just makes me want to lay out and catch some serious rays on my abs. Oh hey, babe. Lesbian!
Meatwad: How can you tell? I ain't got no good gaydar.
Master Shake: Well usually if she's a hot broad and she's not fondling my buttocks, that means she plays for the other team.
Meatwad: So basically, all women are lesbian.
Master Shake: She is, she is, those ones over there are, her, her, her--
Meatwad: What about that one?
Master Shake: Definitely her.
Meatwad: How about that one?
Master Shake: Whoa. Her, her, her, her, she's practically a man.
Meatwad: What about that one over there?
Master Shake: Hey, how about you toots? You want to hit this? She heard me, she's a lesbian. Her, her, her. They know when they're young. Now please, go get the dog.
Meatwad: I think that dog is dangerous, Shake.
Master Shake: Give me that.
Meatwad: Ow! Hey! That's my elbow, boy.
Master Shake: Smell that meat, boy. You smell it? Play your cards right and tonight you shall feast. Open the cage.
Meatwad: I think this is a bad idea, Shake.
Master Shake: These stuck up hippy bitches are going to be glistening when they see me play my bongos next to my dog! Open the cage.
Meatwad: All right. uh oh.
Master Shake: Get off me. Ah! Ah! Get it off!
Frylock: You ain't gonna get laid just 'cause you have a dog!
Master Shake: I know. That's why I brought this frisbee, to make us look fun!
Frylock: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You definitely ain't gonna get laid kicking a dog in public.
Master Shake: Women respond to control, and that is what I am exhibiting to this dog. Go on, let go of him, Meatwad.
Meatwad: All right.
Master Shake: Go get it you dumbass! Why did you let go of him? Get him off of me, get him off! Why would you let go of a dog like that?!
Meatwad: I don't know, man. I think you need to stop using that ribeye shampoo.
Master Shake: It's a porterhouse conditioner with aloe.
Guy: Yo, bro. Your disc.
Master Shake: I'm well aware of what I own, okay cool guy?
Girl: Wow. I got nude when I saw your tattoos.
Guy: Right on, right on.
Girl: I'm on the pill.
Guy: What pill?
Master Shake: Well you're a lesbian.
Meatwad: If she's a lesbian, then what's she doin' with that cool tattoo guy?
Master Shake: Because he's obviously a woman trapped inside a man's impeccably chiseled body.
Meatwad: Right now it looks like he's trapped inside that girl's body. Oh, now he's out. Wait, now he's back in again. Wait, now he's back out. Now he's back in.
Master Shake: Get that dog over here so I can blame him! Shenandoah! Come! No! No not the leg! There's no ass in the leg!

Master Shake: Clearly, I need to get laid. Otherwise, why would I have done this?
Frylock: Well, I think Carl might have a service that he uses.
Master Shake: A woman of the night? No, it's the thrill of the hunt for me. Hell, that's half the orgasm.
Frylock: Well then you ain't even halfway there.
Master Shake: Look, the dog can be trained. I know that now. And the bandana was working big time from what I could tell.
Frylock: So you're gonna do this again?
Master Shake: No, of course not. Not until I get a really bitchin' tattoo.
Meatwad: Are we ready to do this?
Master Shake: Meatwad's gonna hook me up from his cereal box.

Meatwad: And the best thing is it come off in the bubble bath before night night.
Master Shake: So it's the illusion of danger, without the commitment. I like it. All right, let's unleash the dog.
Meatwad: Well, let's do a dry run first, I don't think that we have to--
Master Shake: Unchain that dog right now.
Meatwad: All right then.
Master Shake: No, no, no, stop! Anywhere but the freeway!

Master Shake: Yes, I'm looking for a tattoo that will show that I'm totally in control, and I also want it to make women want to sex me up.
Artist: How about this? It says, 'get caught in my web, and get out when we're done'.
Master Shake: Where does it say that?
Artist: It doesn't literally say that.
Master Shake: Could I get it to say that so my agenda is properly laid out in case I get sued? Or if I have to explain it to a stupid girl.
Artist: Okay, how about this on your neck? It's sanskrit. It means, 'extremely gullible'.
Master Shake: Yeah, that's me all over. But can I get it in English, please? I don't know any sanskrit women.
Artist: Sure. What kind of price range you lookin' at?
Master Shake: I can go anywhere from three to five dollars. Obviously cheaper, but you know, up to five. And I'm going to need your corporate rate, and I'm expecting a AAA discount.
Artist: I have only one tattoo in that price range, but we have to wait for a lightning storm to install it.
Master Shake: Install it?
Artist: Yes, install it.
Master Shake: Okay. I'll wait. I'm just gonna read this 'up yours' tattoo over and over again.

Frylock: Aw, hell no. Where'd you get that scooter, man?
Master Shake: You mean my chopper? I probably ripped it off some biker gang. Or, I may have purchased it with some sketchy financing. Either way, it's a part of me. Really defines who I am.
Frylock: Who are yoU?
Master Shake: I'm the guy that gets what he wants when he want it. And I decide how much I want before I'm full and I feel bloated. You follow me?
Frylock: I think you should wear a helmet, though.
Master Shake: You wear a helmet for you walkin' around bumpin' into your bookcases. Rules are for nerds!
Frylock: Whoa, you got a tattoo?
Master Shake: Oh this? I don't know, yeah. Probably on one of my binges. It says 'DANGER CITY Population: Me'.
Frylock: Well I think it says 'I'm insecure'.
Master Shake: Yeah, well I'm headed off to the park to dip my dick. When I get back with a couple hot tamales beggin' for my sauce, I need you two gay wads to clear out of the hallway, 'cause women like it when I show 'em where I live.
Meatwad: You want your dog with you?
Master Shake: Dear God, no. Keep that thing chained in the crawl space. Bake him a glass pie.

Master Shake: Oh man. Not many rays, today. I guess I'm just gonna have to hackey-sack solemente, broskies!
Freedom Cobra: You ain't never gonna get any action in this downpour
Master Shake: Yes, I know that. Who-who is it I'm speakin' with?
Freedom Cobra: It's me. Freedom Cobra.
Master Shake: Oh, you talk. I was not aware that you did that.
Freedom Cobra: Well surprise.
Master Shake: Were you always riding a missle?
Freedom Cobra: Oh this? I got some tattoos while you was asleep. I think they say a lot about me, about who I am.
Master Shake: You added on to it?
Freedom Cobra: Look, there's something I need you to do. I need to feed.
Master Shake: So what is it you think you need to eat?
Freedom Cobra: Calcium.
Master Shake: Oh. Well milk is an excellent source of calcium.
Freedom Cobra: Oh yeah? So are skulls. Bones. Human bones.
Master Shake: Umm, I have a dog you could eat.
Freedom Cobra: All right then, we'll start there.

Meatwad: Bobby! Here boy. Shake you seen Bobby?
Master Shake: Oh you know he probably--(wretches)--he probably just--(wretches) probably ran away. (Wretches) Oh here's his collar.
Meatwad: Did you add on to that tattoo of yours?
Master Shake: Why did it do something? What's it doing now?
Meatwad: It was lookin' at me. And then when I looked at it, it looked away.
Master Shake: What would you say if I told you I may, or may not, have eaten your dog.
Meatwad: Well I may or may not be pretty mad at you. Depending on the outcome.
Master Shake: Well it's not like I give one flying fart what you think. But I'm sure that didn't happen. Now run along and keep your chin up, buddy.
Meatwad: Okay.
Master Shake: We'll find your little dog.
Freedom Cobra: Yeah, when you defecate!
Master Shake: Dammit! I knew it! I was in some trance like state, I ate a dog.
Freedom Cobra: Mmm. Daddy's hungry. Daddy needs meat.
Master Shake: No, I can't eat Meatwad. He's been my roommate for like ten years. I'll get in trouble.
Freedom Cobra: Hey, Daddy needs what Daddy needs.

Carl: What do you want?
Master Shake: Come on, man. I don't always have to want something.
Carl: You know what, you're right. That was rude. Come on in, wipe your feet. Can I, uh hang up your chainsaw for you?
Master Shake: Uh, nah that's okay. I'll just hold it.
Carl: All right. whatever. So what's up? What's going on? You're not gonna start that up in here, are you?
Master Shake: Why, is that a problem or something?
Carl: All right, fine. So what's been going on? How are things? Why are you coming towards me in that manner?
Master Shake: I just wanted you to see this new beaut'! Check it out, nice and close!

Frylock: Hey, have you seen Carl, man? 'Cause uh, this kinda looks like his hand over here.
Master Shake: No, why? You mean alive?
Frylock: Yes, alive. A census worker came by and was asking.
Master Shake: Well was he made of meat?
Frylock: What, the census worker?
Master Shake: Ahaha, of course he was. All humans are made of meat.
Frylock: Good gracious, man! Did you add on to that tattoo?
Master Shake: Uhh, you get one you want another.
Frylock: God, it stretches all the way around the back.
Master Shake: It's like I'm in the Yakuza, right? So what's it doin'?
Frylock: Wait a minute, this looks like us, man!
Meatwad: We bein' fed into a grinder!
Frylock: And poured into the mouth of your winged cobra! Well, I at least hope you're gettin' laid from that damn thing.
Master Shake: The sad thing is, I'm not. In fact, I think I may be eating people.
Frylock: You're eating people?!
Master Shake: Ssh! He can hear us!
Frylock: Who can hear us?
Master Shake: The Freedom Cobra, dummy! He's alive! You gotta help me get him off!
Doctor: It went well. Unfortunately, our lasers were no match for Freedom Cobra.
Frylock: Dude, we paid you $1,200 cash. It's a tattoo, you just burn it off.
Doctor: Well, that's not what the tattoo said.
Frylock: Well what did that tattoo say?
Doctor: The tattoo told me to cut off my hands so your buddy could eat them.

Master Shake: So, what do you think?
Doctor: We plumped up his lips, and we gave him some botox here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.
Master Shake: See, no more frown lines! Now no one can tell I'm sad after I've eaten them.