Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 101 - Allen Part 1

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Dr. Weird: Behold! There is an adhesive bandage in my 'nana pudding! I demand that it be removed!
Steve: Uh, you know you could probably get it for free, now.
Dr. Weird: Woman! Bring back the bandage. I want it for free!!

Master Shake: What's goin' on in there? What's he doin'? What's he doin'? What's goin' on? How we lookin'? What's goin' on in there? Meatwad, I'm gonna need you to give me a visual on the building. Copy that?
Meatwad: Well right now, princess is riding the dinosaur over the rainbow in magic candy kingdom. And they been doin' that quite a bit. Something's up!
Master Shake: I think I would've remembered our client mentioning that we were tracking a dinosaur! We're not getting paid enough for that! And we never discussed mileage to the magic candy kingdom!
Meatwad: I sure would like to get a wire on that dinosaur.
Frylock: Shake, just look at the house, will ya?
Master Shake: Yeah, Meatwad! You're lookin' at the wrong house! This disc, dummy.
Meatwad: Oh, this is the house. Okay.
Frylock: No, damn it, over there! Look, look! I see some action! Oh, hey ma'am. How ya doin' there?
Master Shake: Howdy ma'am.
Meatwad: Hey there.
Master Shake: Hey. We're just three guys hangin' out.
Frylock: You uh, need some help or--?
Master Shake: I don't think she saw us. Frylock, you're burned. You're out.
Frylock: Good, 'cause I was gonna leave anyways 'cause this is boring, man.
Master Shake: Fine! This is not the first case I've had to crack by myself. Just tell us exactly what we're supposed to do, and then don't let the door hit your VCR on the way out! (Flashback to ATHF:MFFT)
Frylock: Uh uh uh. That was the old show.
Master Shake: Yeah, I know. This is a new show where we're detectives. And you're no longer a part of it, so am-scray utt-face. Have fun gettin' soft!
Meatwad: Hey, can I get me some more of them catfish nuggets?
Master Shake: You ate that whole box?
Meatwad: All gone.
Master Shake: That was our entire advance! It was supposed to last the whole night!
Meatwad: Is it morning yet?

Meatwad: Shake, wake up. Wake up. We got action at three o'clock. Six o'clock. Is the little hand the minute hand?
Master Shake: Ha! So that's what he drives to visit his mistress. Another piece of the puzzle falls into place.
Meatwad: But why would he do that to his own house, Shake?
Master Shake: Well that's an insurance scam. Or he's trying to hide the evidence! We're going undercover. Oui, oui, huh, huh, huh! Bonjour, I am your new neighbor. I just uh, move--how you say moved in. And you must be?
Guy: Tearin' this house down.
Master Shake: Ahaha! To hide evidence maybe, huh? Possible insurance scam? No, no, it is cool. You can tell me, Jacques. Everyone tells Jacques!
Guy: It's been vacant for ten years.
Master Shake: Oh, so that's your story. So maybe you can tell me why you're having an affair in there? Hohoho! Cuff him!
Meatwad: Hey Shake. I don't think this is the right house, or even the right dinosaur.
Master Shake: Then why is our guy here?
Meatwad: Well 'cause-'cause he got sent by the city to tear this empty house down.
Master Shake: Then why is he large and black? The guy we're looking for is small and white!
Guy: Y'all need to clear on out of here. I got work to do.
Master Shake: All right, chuck, I'm gonna ask you once. Maybe you can tell me what kind of back room operation you had to have to look like that, huh?

Master Shake: Oh. Did you see how close I was to nailin' that guy? More water please.
Meatwad: I checked with our client and, well, turns out she wasn't married.
Master Shake: Then how come she had a husband who was having an affair?
Meatwad: She didn't.
Master Shake: Exactly. You can't have someone have an affair on you if you're single. We're gonna have to put a tail on this bitch.
Frylock: Look, man, I called her and she said she told you that she wanted us to find her cat for her.
Meatwad: So we owe her $100 worth of catfish nuggets.
Master Shake: I think that guy took her cat and then framed us into saying we were detectives because we clearly have not been trained for that.
Meatwad: Yeah.
Master Shake: I want a tail on her right now. I want you wearin' a wire, I want her phone records, and everyone she's emailed.
Meatwad: I'm on it.
Frylock: No, no tails, okay? Look, this new show is not any good at all, man. I think we should just go back home and do what we used to do.
Master Shake: No. I'll tell you what we're gonna do!

Frylock: Hypersleep? What the hell you want this for? We can't afford this, man.
Master Shake: We're not going to buy it, you idiot. We're gonna use it for nine years. And by that time, there's gonna be enough crime and supervillians going around for all detectives, not just the qualified ones.
Frylock: Aren't you worried just a little bit about doin' this?
Master Shake: No. Just hop in before the guy sees us. Come on, plenty of room.
Meatwad: Oky, doky.
Master Shake: Whoa, what the hell are you doin'?
Meatwad: I thought we could maybe snuggle.
Master Shake: Well that is a nine year nightmare. Pass. You right with him into the abyss.
Meatwad: All right, then. Can I bring this ducky into the abyss?
Frylock: Yeah, you can bring your ducky.
Meatwad: And will you read me this here pop-up book?
Frylock: Yes, I'll read you a book.
Meatwad: Now, there ain't no monsters in there is there?
Frylock: No, no monsters.
Meatwad: Well I just want to be sure so can I turn on this little night light?
Frylock: Look, this gas is gonna put you to sleep in like three seconds.
Meatwad: But will the gas rub-rub my back and play piggy with my toes until I go to sleep?
Frylock: Shut up.
Master Shake: Hypersleep, go to nine years! Guys, I can't sleep. When is it supposed to start? Wait guys! I feel something tickling my foot, can you help me get out of here for a sec--?!
Frylock: Come on, ain't no way in hell I'm sleepin' in a tube for nine years.
Meatwad: Hey! You told me there weren't no monsters in there.
Frylock: Oh that's not a monster, man, that's a creature from space.
Meatwad: Looks like a big old green hand.
Frylock: Yeah, I don't care. It's not our problem.
Meatwad: All right.
Frylock: Damn his voice was annoying! Wasn't it?

Master Shake: Oh man I had the world's craziest dream. All right, I was eating the world's largest hot dog, and you were there, Frylock, but for some reason you were Chinese and I could not understand what you were saying, then all my teeth started falling out.
Danny: This is when I should probably say something. Good morning, how are you?
Master Shake: Who are you?!
Danny: I'm Danny and I own the hypersleep chamber.
Master Shake: Look, I-I'm sorry, I was just borrowing. My friend made me do it. Frylock--!
Danny: Sshh. It's okay. It's where we met.
Master Shake: Excuse me?
Danny: When I looked into your closed eyes I knew you were the one.
Master Shake: What? What do you mean by that?
Danny: I've been making love to your face off and on for the last nine years. Don't throw up. Where I come from, it's beautiful.
Master Shake: Do you have a name?
Danny: Look, let's not get into names. It was just a physical thing, a fling. I needed a warm oriface to deposit eggs, that's all. And now it's over.
Master Shake: For nine years?!
Danny: I know, it's a long time to stay committed. The sex got--well, a little boring.
Master Shake: I was asleep!
Danny: I know what you mean. We lost our identities in the relationship. We're different people. I'm not even a person.
Master Shake: But I had no choice in the matter!
Danny: Sshh. Don't end it this way. Let it go, what's done is done.
Master Shake: For God's sakes, tell me you at least used protection.
Danny: Look, we both know this isn't working out. I just think I need to see other people who are asleep.
Master Shake: Uggh. Why do I have clamps on my butt?!
Danny: That was just something I wanted to try. Look, could we at least stay in touch? What's your name--?
Master Shake: Ahh! Lightning! You son of a bitch!!

Master Shake: All right, how much could I possibly owe you?
Cabbie: Noth-nothing. Everything's free now.
Master Shake: Then mow down some of those nimrods over there, for free.
Cabbie: That would be bad, we're all good now. And I want you to have a good day.
Master Shake: Hey, hey, no pushing! I'm about to march right into that abortion clinic and tell them, 'It's not a choice, it's a child!'
Protesters: 5, 6, 7, 8, we want you to procreate! Yeah!!

Master Shake: I'd like 1,200 face abortions. Can I get a discount because I'm gettin' 'em in bulk?
Doctor: No problem. You be good and have a good day!
Protesters: So can we blow it up or what?!
Master Shake: No, no, no, uh, I just told them that life is precious, and they agreed!
Protesters: Woohoo! All right! Blow it up anyway! Lightning strikes kill them all
Doctor: Wonderful! Let's get an abortion-- Lightning strike kills him
Master Shake: What's up with all this lightning?!

Master Shake: Aqua Unit Patrol Squad, assemble! Now, I said! Do not make me come in there! Hello? Frylock? Meatwad? Willie Nelson? Love Mummy? Those frat alien guys? Turns on light, room covered in cobwebs Nooo! What have I done?! What have I done?!