Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 100 - One Hundred

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I'm a bum and I haven't gotten these done yet. Please be patient!

Frylock: 100, 100, 100. 10 Times 10 equals 100. There are 100 cents in a dollar. A football field is 100 yards. There are 100 senators in Congress. The sum of the first nine prime numbers is 100. The boiling temperature of water is 100. Abraham was 100 years old when his son Isaac was born. The number of tiles in a standard scrabble set is 100. The temperature of the human 98.6 degrees, which is close to 100. 9 Plus 8 minus 6 is 11, which is 89 away from 100.
Master Shake: Now, all right, all right. See, now you're just pulling that out of your ass. That is an ass-pull, my friend.
Frylock: What about "One Hundred men and a Girl"?
Master Shake: So what?
Frylock: It's a 1937 musical comedy film starring Deanna Durbin.
Master Shake: So is "3 Men and a Baby"
Meatwad: I didn't like the men in that, but I liked the baby.
Frylock: 100 Is everywhere, man. Don't you see it?
Meatwad: Yeah, 'cause you done wrote it all over the walls with a crayon, man. And I do one little cotton-pickin' rainbow, and i get my heinie spanked. (Microwave beeps) Oh, lunch is ready. Sausage and two bagels.
Frylock: Look, see? Look at the plate.
Master Shake: I don't know what you're talking about.

TV Song:
100 Kisses from the angels on my tummy
100 kisses from my Mommy when I'm crummy
100 sins leaves you dead within
100 nails that pierce your skin
100

Frylock: Turn it off! Turn it off now!
Master Shake: Come on. It's a coincidence.
Frylock: The number 100 is a number the Mayans invented. The king, hundra, had a hundred toes. He predicted that when there was no more room in number hell, that numbers would roam the earth.
King Hundra: The hundredth episode! Aqua Teen!
Meatwad: "Hundredth episode, Aqua Teen "? What was that?
Master Shake: Hundred episodes. That's the magic number for syndication cash.
Frylock: What are you talking about, Shake?
Master Shake: You don't read the trades?
Frylock: I don't know what you're talking about but somehow I think it relates to us.
Master Shake: Uh, yeah, you know what? I doubt it. In fact, it's probably some other Aqua Teens entirely. It's a common name. All right, look, I gotta go. (Gets on plane and flies to LA) You told me this was episode 3, which means I've been doing episode 3 for eight freakin' years!
TV Exec: Actors just get, uh, so immersed in their characters that they lose track of time and space.
Master Shake: How dare you talk to me about my craft! 100 Episodes is syndication. That's where I cash in! I know it, and you know it.
TV Exec: The show is eleven minutes long. So really... You have only 50 half-hours.
Master Shake: We can -- we can pad it. I can do magic.
TV Exec: He's saying we're only halfway there, buddy.
Master Shake: Who f***in' asked you? I just did a voiceover for kitty litter that paid more than this piece of s*** has paid, and I get residuals!
TV Exec: Well, the cat's where it's at.
Master Shake: You are fired! And I'll see you jackals in another eight years! And I'm gonna have another 50 ready! Open up the bank book, boys, 'cause I'll be back. (Flies back to NJ)

Meatwad: Where you been for like three days?
Master Shake: Hey, let's just joke around and entertain 18- to 34-year-olds, shall we? Pick a card, any card. Come on, pick one.
Meatwad: Look, I can't be doing that. Frylock's out front mowing the number 100 into the lawn. And we need to get him some help, have an intervention or something.
Master Shake: Look, he's gonna resist it. You know how proud he is. That's why I think we should frame him for murder!
Meatwad: Well, let's find some middle ground here. I mean, maybe we could have an intervention and then frame him for murder?
Master Shake: Look, you can't open a candy store and sell hamburgers out the back and be a scientist and an animal-trainer school. Just doesn't work.
Meatwad: Well, what the hell does that mean?
Master Shake: Means do one thing, and do it right. Now, get out there with this bloody ax and say, "Ooh, I did it. Oh God, why did I do it?"
Meatwad: Okay, I'll do it, but ain't you trying to frame Frylock for murder?
Master Shake: Yeah, you better get him to say it, too.

Policeman: Mmm. Yep, this is the stuff. Hot sauce.
Meatwad: I did it. Oh, oh, god, I did it.
Policeman: Good thing this wasn't blood. I'd be licking AIDS right now.
Meatwad: I did it, y'all. Oh, God, I did it.
Tom: Hey, these body parts are plastic.
Master Shake: Damn it! Listen, you digital a-hole! I had those made in Hollywood. I'm a member of the unions, and I'm a trained professional. Now do your job, sir!
Policeman: Feels like a hundred degrees out. Time for lunch. It's 1:00.
Tom: Hey, can we have a hundred beans for lunch?
Policeman: No, Tom, I've told you for the 100th time -- no one sells beans individually. It's just not efficient.
Tom: Man, I feel like I haven't had beans in a century. What about cascade of beans on 100 100th STREET?

(Frylock losing his mind, Cops repeating:)
100 100th?
A hundred, a hundred.
100, 100.
100.
100, 100.
0100.
Uh-oh, I've got to take a 10-100.
100, A hundred.
100, 100, 100.
A hundred!
100, A hundred, 100.
(Static hisses) 100, 100, 100.

Policeman: We'd better go. See you soon.
Frylock: "See you soon"? "C" is the Roman numeral for 100! Did you hear all that?
Master Shake: I think that cop was Tom Savini.
Frylock: 100 -- They kept saying "100," man! IT'S COMING!
Meatwad: What's coming?
Frylock: I don't know, but I don't like it.
Master Shake: Hey, jerkwater, you cruising for sex? Get your stinkin' zeroes off my lawn.
One Hundred: It's not nice to talk to strangers!
Frylock: Damn it, it's him!
Meatwad: It's who?
Frylock: It's the number 100. Don't look him in the eyes, man.
One Hundred: Be a good boy, and give me the episode!
Frylock: Episode? What the hell does he mean?
Master Shake: This is episode 100, and if we finish this show, he'll collect our epi-souls forever! I don't know -- that's just what I think! I'm speculating!
Frylock: Show?! What do you mean 'show'?!
Master Shake: Hello? The last nine years? These freakin' Meatwad and Ignignokt beanies, which are still available at adultswimshop.com?
Meatwad: What the hell you talkin' about, fool?
Master Shake: They sell all our stuff for more than you can buy at other places! Look, just follow me if you want to live!

(Theme Song)
Aqua Unit Patrol Squad
solving mystery is what you do
Aqua unit patrol squad
Look out before the trouble finds you!
When the jig is up the spooks come out
(It scares) you scream and shout
(You grab your stuff) and run away
But you cannot help and change the fact
your out of time your luck runs out,
and now you've got to (change your place)
Aqua Unit Patrol Squad
(Something) Outer Space
Bayou Boo Ya

(Please email me if you know the lyrics, it was too fast and sound effects were too noisy to make out most of the lyrics)

Master Shake: Zoinks! Like, this is spooooky! Isn't that right, Flyboy?
Frylock: It's Flylock! I mean Fryrock. I mean--Dammit! Who am I?
Meatwad: And why am I a dog, now?
Master Shake: Ha-ha-ha! You're Meaty Meaty Moo! Do your thing, Meaty!
Meatwad: Meaty Meaty Moo.
Master Shake: Come on, really? That was terrible.
Meatwad: I just think it's stupid that that's all I would say is my name. Like that's an exclaimation? Like that conveys any information?
Master Shake: Don't worry, we're gonna work on it over time.
Frylock: What the f*** are we doin' here, Shake?!
Master Shake: We're havin' adventures where we solve mysteries and uncover hijinks, right Tabitha?
Tabitha: Jinkies, Captain!
Master Shake: Jinkies, indeed.
Frylock: Who's this bitch?
Tabitha: Uh, jinkies.
Master Shake: Don't you dare speak to my dear girlfriend who we travel with but I'm not physically involved with...like that.
Carl: Yeah, 'cause you ain't man enough.
Master Shake: You hang out by the van. You're not a part of this so much.
Carl: I don't want to be a part of this.
Master Shake: Good, 'cause you're not.
Carl: I know, I'm not.
Master Shake: Well, then, why don't you go?
Carl: Well, I am going.
Master Shake: You're not walking.
Carl: I will walk away. I'm walking away right now.
Master Shake: Walk a little faster, please. Pick it up, fat boy!
Carl: I heard you.
One Hundred: Mes enfants, la chanson, oignon. Whoo-ee!
Carl: Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Master Shake: Zoinks!
Tabitha: Jinkies!
One Hundred: (More french)
Master Shake: Blinkus!
Tabitha: Jinkies!
One Hundred: (More french)
Master Shake: Pa-dinkus!
Tabitha: Jinkies!
Frylock: Man, how long do we have to do this?
Master Shake: Ah, relax. We got like nine more minutes left. We'll just go till the credits hit.
One Hundred: (More french)
Master Shake: Ka-blingus!
Frylock: Nah, I'm done running, man.
Master Shake: Don't, don't, don't!
One Hundred: (More french)
Tabitha: Jinkies!
Frylock: Somebody staple the talk-hole on that bitch, please.
Master Shake: It was the number 100 all along! He followed us into our new show!
One Hundred: And I would have succeeded too, if it weren't for the fact that I failed!
Tabitha: 100 Dressed like the Bayou Boo-Ya so he could scare you back into your old world, where he could seize you, collect your episodes, and sell them to a network for syndication.
One Hundred: What is she doing here?
Tabitha: Jinkies! Man, come on!
One Hundred: Am I supposed to know you?
Master Shake: It doesn't work that way. There are 11 minutes, so we only really technically have 50 half-hours. We don't have a hundred.
One Hundred: What about doubling them? Reruns? People do that.
Master Shake: Yeah, I know. I said that, too. They wouldn't go for it.
One Hundred: Well, can I at least take her into the woods, rape her, and behead her, possibly not even in that order?
Tabitha: Uh, jinkies?
Master Shake: I don't know, man. Better not. She came with the van, and there's, like, a deposit issue ..
One Hundred: So you're aqua unit patrol squad now?
Master Shake: 'Fraid so, yeah.
One Hundred: Really? That's what you're going with?
Master Shake: We're gonna solve mysteries, and we live in Seattle now, where I think I also host a radio program.
One Hundred: So do you have a commitment beyond the pilot?
Meatwad: I don't know any more than you do, man. We're thinking about losing the dog. I don't know what that means.
One Hundred: 'Cause I think this works.
Tabitha: What are you doing?! No! Let go of me!
One Hundred: I hope you get to do more. Really. This has been fun.
Meatwad: Meaty meaty moo!
Mini Meatwad: And meaty meaty moo to you, too!

Master Shake: See? Wow, it's funny! That's funny to me even watching it, and I was there.
TV Exec: "Can I rape her and behead her, possibly not in that order"?!
Master Shake: Yeah, and I will speak to him about that. That was uh--
TV Exec: Yeah, we really don't want a main character that wants to rape.
Master Shake: You're right. We want kids to buy his toy and not fear it. And you know what? We can schedule a reshoot. That is -- I mean, that's a phone call. But it's funny, right?
TV Exec: Yeah, it's just a little too close to another project that we have coming down the pipeline that's already like this.
Master Shake: Right. So, how about doing, like, a rock block of them together? Be a power house.
TV Exec: All right, dana. It was great talking to you. Come in any time to bore us. My door is always open.
Master Shake: I can come back after 3:00. I got a space pirate thing I'm making up right now.
TV Exec: Yeah.. Okay.. Um..how do I say this? How do I say this?
Master Shake: I'm just gonna get a bag of pretzels at the vending machine.
TV Exec: Everything you say bores us. You know what I mean?
Master Shake: Do you have 75 cents? I don't have any change.