Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 96 - Juggalo

Click on the filename above the transcription to download the clip. Enjoy!

Meatwad: I thought we was coming up here to sight-see. All I see is a bunch of cars.
Master Shake: Why don't you see this with your sights! Unh! Ah, come on!
Meatwad: You missed, boy.
Master Shake: Damn it. I knew the wind was gonna give me issues today. Here, help me with this chunk of curb.
Meatwad: No, no, no, no, no. I ain't into that.
Master Shake: Hey, we're not out here to hurt people. We just want to create a diversion.
Meatwad: For what?
Master Shake: For when i totally streak through town. I'll do it. Once we get all the cops here, none of them will be able to bust me there. On 3.
Meatwad: 3? What is 3?
Master Shake: All right, now! (Chucks cement over the side of the road, tires screech) Now take off your clothes! Run! whee! streakin'!
Angel: A buh buh buh buh buh! Where are you going?
Master Shake: You see that down there? I did it, so I'm getting the hell out of here!
Angel: Yeah, I know, I was driving. You did that to me. I was having the commute of my life.
Meatwad: Who you talking to, man?
Angel: An angel. And you may go.
Master Shake: Go, Meatwad! He says you can go! (Chucks Meatwad over the side of the road, tires screech) Awesome!
Angel: I have other plans for you.

Master Shake: This is a plan? What the hell is this?
Angel: Shut up and read, aloud! For his pleasure.
Master Shake: Come on, this guy ain't even awake! Ugh! It smells like hot clam juice in here.
Angel: Read to him.
Master Shake: Read this. Between the lines. What's it say?
Angel: All right. (Sends Shake to hell, Shake reappears burnt)
Master Shake: Aah-- ooh, ooh, ooh! Okay, which book? Show me--Show me that book so I can read the book to that guy!
Angel: The pop-up book.
Master Shake: There's nothing to read. All the pages are gone.
Angel: He won't mind. He doesn't have any family.
Master Shake: Yeah, because he's boring. Would you visit this? I wouldn't. You have to engage people with clever conversation and -- aah! aah! aah! Okay, okay! So just the title? "Sammy the Gerbil and his Muffin Adventure".
Angel: Over and over and over again.
Master Shake: "Sammy the Gerbil and his Muffin Adventure".
Angel: Make it your own!
Master Shake: "Sammy the Gerbil and his Muffin Adventure".
Angel: Have fun with it!
Master Shake: "Sammy the Gerbil and his Muffin Adventure".

Angel: Oh, you're not going to use a solvent on those stains That's-That's what I used to do on my pool when--when I was alive. I don't know. It's not important. I mean, I'm just saying, like let it soak in for a little --
Master Shake: I know! I'm just getting the leaves out first.
Angel: Ah, ah, ah. Let's watch that tongue, or we could always visit the awful place.
Master Shake: Look, you don't want that. I don't--Neither of us want that. Sorry.
Carl: What are you doing, cup?
Master Shake: I'm cleaning your frigging pool. For you.
Carl: Oh, how sweet. What's in it for you?
Master Shake: Pretty much, so I don't get my ass kicked.
Angel: Hey, it's not about that. It's about doing what's right and what's good.
Master Shake: And because also you're gonna kick my ass.
Carl: All right, who are you talking to now?
Master Shake: Uh, my agent. Yeah, I got a hands-free bluetooth, which is huge in LA. Where my agent and my manager live and call me all the time.
Angel: Thou shalt not lie.
Master Shake: Sure, I'll play Thor. Yeah, go ahead close the deal. Tell them I'll do it for double.
Carl: The ultimate god of thunder? You're playing Thor? That's a laugh. You ain't Greek.
Master Shake: Studio upped their offer. I got to say yes.
Angel: Thou shalt not lie!
Master Shake: Okay, fine! Carl, I'm talking to a f***in' angel!
Angel: Thou shalt not curse.
Master Shake: I meant that in a good sense. I curse because I'm so excited.
Angel: Now tell him you've changed your life.
Master Shake: I've changed my life.
Angel: You've seen the error of your ways.
Master Shake: I've seen the error of my ways.
Angel: Now I want you to fart in my mouth.
Master Shake: Now I want you to fart in my -- wait a minute.
Angel: I'm just messing with you.
Master Shake: Good one.
Angel: Ask Carl if there's anything you can do for him.
Master Shake: Carl, is there anything I could possibly do for you?
Carl: Go down to the mall and buy me a half-dozen black graphic tees. The one with the wings and the barbed wire and they say "Choke Out".
Master Shake: Are you serious?
Angel: Ask him what size.

Carl: Aw, these are knockoffs! Read this back to me! What does it say?
Master Shake: Surf's up.
Carl: Surf's up! What did I tell you?! I told you I wanted the real ones that say "Choke Out"!
Angel: where have I heard that before? Maybe coming out of my own mouth when we were at the mall looking at the shirts?
Master Shake: "Surf's up" were cheaper. I'm on a fixed budget here, man.
Angel: Well I guess we're going back to the mall.
Carl: You go back to the mall!

Carl: Yeah! That's what I'm talking about! Yeah!
Angel: Thank him.
Master Shake: For what?! I did that for him! Aah! Aah! aah!
Angel: I can do this all day.
Master Shake: Yes. Yes, of course. Thank you, Carl, for being there while I replenished your wardrobe with my dangerously overextended credit cards.
Carl: Ah, no problem. Now go get that hose, wash 2 Wycked over there, and, uh, wax it.
Angel: It would be your pleasure.
Master Shake: Yes, it would be my pleasure, of course.
Carl: With the undercoating.
Master Shake: Of course. Thank you, Carl.
Carl: Hey. don't talk. Hop to it. And how about you install a subwoofer in there, too? Or I will, uh, anger the gods.

Angel: You're giving him the undercoating, right?
Master Shake: Why are you doing this to me?
Angel: Why am I doing this to you? Oh! you killed me. Remember?
Master Shake: Sorry. my bad.
Angel: I will ultimately crush your skull with a piece of concrete, but for now let's do this.
Master Shake: My hands are getting really tired.
Angel: Oh. Uh.. you know, hold that thought 'cause I got a touch of angel diarrhea.

Master Shake: Frylock! Come on, get this thing to go! Hurry!
Frylock: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't hit it like that. What are you trying to do?
Master Shake: I'm--I need to hire a demon immediately please! I mean, sir! I mean-- stop bein' nice!
Frylock: You could check out Craigslist.
Master Shake: Good idea, thanks man! I mean, I know that already! Now get out of your room so you can go be stupid somewhere else please jerkface!
Angel: Why aren't you waxing--ohhh. Hey do you have a bathroom?
Frylock: Oddly, no.
Angel: Well how do you--
Frylock: We don't.
Angel: What? Uh. I'll be right back.
Frylock: Uhh.. Who was that?
Master Shake: You could see him? Hurry up! How long does angel diarrhea last?
Frylock: I don't know. It probably varies. Why don't you just google it?
Master Shake: (Destroys computer) Hey! How do you spell "diarrhea"?

Master Shake: Ah, you must be Neil. I recognize you from your profile.
Neil: No, Neelzebub.
Master Shake: Hmm. How about just "Bub"?
Neil: Neelzebub.
Master Shake: Fine. great. Whatever. Come on in. Did you bring references?
Neil: This spider. It begged for mercy. But it would receive none on this day.
Master Shake: Then you are he. Tell me everything I must do to kill the mighty angel.

Master Shake: Well, angel, we meet again. But this time, it is I who possess the power. Isn't that right, Neil?
Neil: Ugh! Neelzebub!
Master Shake: Neelzebub, right. You may be interested to know that I purchased six cases of beer for Neelzebub and his underaged friends, and then I am going to drive them all to the Insane Clown Posse show.
Angel: And how is that gonna defeat me?
Master Shake: That's a pretty good question. Neil?
Neil: Hey, guys, you want to see me fart on something?
Master Shake: Neil, over here, please.
Neil: Oh, God! Read from the scrolls!
Master Shake: Hmm. I'll hypnotize you like a vampire. Bite your neck and set your head on fire.
Angel: Are those actual ICP lyrics?
Master Shake: Yeah.
Angel: "I'll hypnotize you, then bite your neck, then set your head on fire" there's, like, one -- one item in there is not necessary at all, and you can take your pick.
Master Shake: Neil, he's not doing anything. Got nothing here.
Neil: It's gonna take like a few minutes now, 'cause you weren't standing still and you didn't have your hands up. So can you, like, drive us to the concert now?
Master Shake: But your mom's gonna pick you up, right?
Neil: Yeah, um, Lee's mom.
Master Shake: Leeman the demon? I thought he was grounded.
Neil: He's uh, he's sneaking out.
Angel: Wait, wait, wait. If he's sneaking out, how is his mom going to pick you up? Does he tell his mom he's sneaking out? 'Cause then it's not really sneaking out, right?
Master Shake: Yeah, Neil? She won't know about it.
Neil: Uh, well, can you pick us up, also?
Master Shake: Both ways?!
Angel: You're just chauffeuring these guys around.
Master Shake: You never even told Lee's mom, did you? Did yoU?! That was not part of the deal, Neil.
Angel: Ooh, quick question. Is this is part of the deal?
Neil: Whoa! no way!
Lee: Oh, my god, that's f***in' awesome.
Master Shake: Aah! aah! That's your cue, Neil! Come on!
Lee: Whoa!
Neil: No way!
Master Shake: Call upon the power! aah!
Neil: Can you show me that? Show me that! You got to show me that!
Angel: Well, maybe when you're older, tiger. How old are you, anyway?
Neil: 14 1/2.
Master Shake: Neil! You said you were fully licensed to do this!
Neil: Well, yeah, I said that, but um, my Dad's an attorney, and he says you got to get everything in writing. Sorry.
Master Shake: Fine. You know what? I'm ending this now. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
Neil: Bye.
Master Shake: Nice to meet you all. I'll see you all in hell. (Blows his own head off)

Attorney: Mr. 2 Dope, perhaps you would care to read, for the ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the lyrics from your popular song "Blacken Your Eyes"?
Shaggy 2 Dope: Filled your head with lead because I want you dead. Girly, girly bitch. You freaky freaky bitch.
Attorney: What could possibly be offensive about that? (Frylock clears throat) I mean, that's deplorable. Your songs drove my clients' roommate to kill himself. Would that be an accurate statement?
Violent J: Allow me to interject, please. We at Insane Clown Posse are very, very active in the community. We work with a number of local charities.
Shaggy 2 Dope: Yeah, like, we read to dead people.
Violent J: Sammy the Gerbil
Shaggy 2 Dope: and his Muffin Adventure! we also spit fire. Aaaah!
Attorney: No further questions.