Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 93 - Monster

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I'm a bum and I haven't gotten these done yet. Please be patient!

Frylock: (Talking in his sleep) Mmm. Mm-mmm. (Chuckles) Oh you doin' that, baby, you like it...
Meatwad: (From underneath the covers) Yes, that feels good.
Frylock: Dammit Meatwad! What're you doin in here?!
Meatwad: I- I'm making a booty call.
Frylock: No, you're sleeping in my damn bed at 2 in the morning and you're hogging all the covers!
Meatwad: Whoa, whoa wait a minute now. You said that it was important to share.
Frylock: Yeah, but we each have a bed.
Meatwad: I ain't got no bed! I got a damn grill in there!
Frylock: Because when we went to the bed store, and you saw a man grilling hamburgers, you said 'that's what I wanna sleep on', so I bought it for you.
Meatwad: What happen was we went to the bed store and I saw a man outside grilling hamburgers, and I said "that's what I wanna sleep on", so you bought it for me.
Frylock: Look, you made your bed, now you gotta lie in it, Meatwad!
Meatwad: I ain't gonna lie in my bed cuz it ain't a bed cuz it's a damn grill!
Frylock: (Sighs) I'll give you a treat if you stay in there all night. How does a sticker sound?
Meatwad: Sound like it's gonna get stuck way up your ass! I ain't gonna make it that long. There's a dang monster in my closet.

Frylock: See? No monster, Meatwad.
Meatwad: Well, check the sand.
Frylock: Nothing.
Meatwad: Well, check it again.
Frylock: Okay, there's--there's still nothing there.
Meatwad: Check it again.
Frylock: I'm not gonna check it again. There ain't nothin there.
Master Shake: (Yawns) Hey. Did you guys hear like some scratching and howling like something horrible was trying to rip its way through into our realm? From the depths of a fiery, fiery hell?
Meatwad: I heard that very same noise too!
Frylock: Shake, don't make it worse.
Master Shake: It's only gonna get worse if it gets out. It needs to feed, Frylock.
Frylock: Meatwad, get down off the ceiling.
Meatwad: Not until someone checks that sand. 'Cuz I think he's in the sand.
Frylock: There's nothing there, Meatwad. Nothing.
Master Shake: Yeah, come on down. I'm sure it's nothing. But it could be this! (shows Meatwad a monster drawing) Or this... (Again) Or even this... (And again) Possibly this... (yet again) But probably this.. (and again) That one's got haunting eyes, doesn't he?
Frylock: Will you get the hell outta here!?
Master Shake: You can't hide the truth! This room is crawling with evil! Evil, I say!
Frylock: Meatwad, listen to me and listen close. There ain't no monsters living in your closet. Monsters don't exist. And even if they did, you know I would be able to kill them with my Kung-Fu Powahh! Wah! So.. we're cool, right?
Meatwad: Yeah, we're cool as long as you get a new comforter down in your room. 'Cuz I greased all over that last one.
Frylock: Fine, I'll take the rug.

Frylock: Damn, my neck is stiff. Meatwad, get up. Meatwad? Meatwad!
Master Shake: Ah, he was devoured by razor teeth of the night. Probably the monster.
Frylock: Ain't no monster, Shake!
Master Shake: Coffee?
Frylock: Oh, thank you. (Shake throws the coffee in his face) Hey!
Master Shake: Wake up, genius! Your damn credit card's missing! It was the monster!
Frylock: Where's Meatwad?

Meatwad: (At the hotel on the phone) Well yeah, Christine! Please bring me 4 more of the shrimp cocktails. Also, I wanna go ahead and get that half-day spa with the massage with the hot stones. And I'm having trouble with the high-speed Internet access. Why don't you send one of the techies up here to see if they could get that ironed out for me 'cuz my cow is running real slow, and I can't seem to access my piggie.

Frylock: (On the phone) $9,000 in the mini-bar? You're calling my home number! Does it sound like I stayed there last night? No I didn't authorize that!
Meatwad: Thanks for the ride, Minaka. Just keep it running; I may need to run to the mall later and get me one of them 'bring it' betls with the big buckle. Don't worry about it, we'll throw all on the card.
Frylock: And what card is that?
Meatwad: Called a credit card. You just give this to person, and you get things.
Frylock: You stayed at a hotel last night!
Meatwad: Oh I did? Awesome.
Frylock: The Honeymoon Suite?
Meatwad: Oh it's got a beautiful view of downtown and the pier. Why wouldn't I stay there?
Frylock: No, I cancelled the card. You're living here from now on, okay?
Meatwad: But Dewey and Vanessa! I checked them with the concierge!
Frylock: Well I guess they're gonna have to get a ride back here with the limo driver then, aren't they?
Meatwad: Alright, let me get Minaka on the horn.
Frylock: No! No horn! You about to start raking yards the rest of your life, mister.
Meatwad: You know and I know that I got a monster in my closet hiding in the sand waiting 'til night time so he can eat and kill me!
Master Shake: Yes, I captured thermal images of his whereabouts last night.
Frylock: Don't listen to him!
Master Shake: Yeah, don't listen to me. Don't even listen to this recording I made.
Meatwad: What is they sayin?
Master Shake: All right, this is the rough translation. "A tasty snack..." "of which I desire..." "is the meat man."
Meatwad: Oh no.
Master Shake: Frylock, you're not made of meat. I'm not made of meat.
Meatwad: I am! I'm made of meat!
Master Shake: Well, there ya go.
Frylock: Meatwad, listen. We're gonna find this monster, and we're gonna destroy it. And then the problem will be solved, right?
Master Shake: Well, only I can track them. That requires you meeting my enourmous fee. I've studied the monster for years. I know its patterns and I know its weaknesses. And as you know, my major was in model management, and theater. But my minor was in monstrology.
Meatwad: He's got a point. We'd be foolish not to hire him.
Frylock: We'd be dicks to hire him.

Carl: Roar. Yeah, roar. Take off them granny panties and set aside them crutches, 'cuz the monster's coming to get ya. I gotcha!
Frylock: Hey Carl.
Carl: Hey, Fry man. What are you, uh, what you doin' here?
Frylock: Well, what you doing over there?
Carl: No no no, what are you doing in here? In my private house?
Frylock: Well, I knocked, Carl. No one answered.
Carl: That is-- That is correct. And for a very good reason.
Frylock: So, what are you doing?
Carl: I am checking sport scores.
Frylock: Have you always got an erection when you check your sport scores? That's gotta be embarrassing, man.
Carl: Nah... I've discovered through the internet you can do anything you want as long as no one sees your face. Like the wild west over here. My larger point is, you don't like my balls hanging out, you look away.
Frylock: Well, I kinda need your help, but you're probably busy.
Carl: Whoa whoa, I'll help ya. I'm a neighbor. How much money you'll give me?
Frylock: Uh, I don't have any money, Carl, but what if we had a pizza party, huh?
Carl: I've been down this road before. You got the coupon for the garlic breadsticks with the onion dippin' sauce?
Frylock: Yeah, whatever. Sure, we can do that.
Carl: Alright! Lemme get changed.
Frylock: No, that's actually perfect.
Carl: God. You friggin' into this too?

Frylock: This special ghost light will pick up the apparition residue so we can track it.
Meatwad: That's funny, this looks like the black light from that White Lion poster that you's too embarrassed to hang up.
Frylock: Well, it's not. Look. Apparition residue. He was here!
Master Shake: Apparition residue? My company finds actual monster footprints, and we carbondate them to the exact moment that the beast enters the house.
Frylock: Well, hell yeah, we do that too.
Master Shake: Pictures of the monster! Did they even offer you a photo package?
Meatwad: I don't think so.
Master Shake: We have glossy 8 by 10's, 11 by 14s, wallets, calenders, framed, unframed, matted... We're here to work within your budget.
Meatwad: You can't even find the monster. Shake's offering me dang photos.
Master Shake: No, no, not just photos. I capture him in a decorative vial, so the monster can be displayed.
Frylock: How you plan to do that?
Master Shake: I... uh... with this monster bottle. ..ahhh... Which will trap him in plastic, and for you, I'll throw it in for 4 payments of $89.99.
Frylock: What's the point of the chair?
Master Shake: Chair... trap! Monster sees it, "Hey, I'm gonna take a break from being scary. That looks good. I'm gonna sit down, relax--" BOOM! "Oh no, I got trapped!" Diamond cyber shackles. Capture 'em for our client.
Frylock: Meatwad, it's the same chair you've been looking at for the past 10 years.
Meatwad: But this time, look-- It got change in there.
Master Shake: No no no no, please back away from the mechanism! Ahh. Just a nickel.
Meatwad: Frylock, he got a cyber diamond chair trap with a nickel mechanism. You just got some dumbass purple light.
Frylock: How about a sticker of a mighty unicorn?
Meatwad: I dunno, man. I just don't know.
Master Shake: Look, I can tell you're uneasy. Why don't you take a moment to think about it? Take all the time you want. But just know that my offer is expiring in .1 seconds. What is your decision?

Carl: Hey, when do I come out? I'm sweatin' my balls off here!
Frylock: The monster! (Frylock zaps him with a stun gun, Shake takes a picture of him.)
Master Shake: Well, I'm glad we were able to wrap that up for you, sir. We had discussed a credit plan.
Meatwad: Yeah, I know, but.. Frylock killed him.
Master Shake: Nah, that's a standard illusion. The monster altered your mind to think he was killed, but in fact, he's right behind you!
Meatwad: No!
Master Shake: He just left. He is quick.
Frylock: No, he's dead, Shake! We all saw it! Meatwad, help me drag the monster over to Carl's house.
Meatwad: Oh, look. He got a handle.
Frylock: No! Don't touch that.
Master Shake: Oh, no! The monster's ghost! Everyone, stop. Just listen. Can you hear that?
Meatwad: It's the monster's ghost, just like you said. He's pretty quiet, though.
Master Shake: Yeah, that's 'cause he's shy. He's not good in social situations; he feels awkward. But one on one, he'll open up to you.
Meatwad: Ask him what he wants. But don't ask him in front of everybody. I don't wanna make it awkward for him.
Master Shake: What's that? You're gonna eat his soul? No, don't do that. Come on, he's a nice--
Frylock: Shake, enough of that crap! Actually, I do hear that.
Master Shake: Oh, God, what is that noise?
Meatwad: It's the monster! Finally been validated here. (They burst in on the monster)
Frylock: Aww, look, it's just your gerbil Starsky. Hey, Starsky.
Meatwad: Yeah. You want something to eat?
Starsky: (Turns into a demonic monster) Get me a celery stick, you scab!
Frylock: (Throwing holy water on him) The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!
Starsky: Your mother cucks socks in hell! (Leaps onto Frylock)
Frylock: Come in to him, damn you! Come in to him!!
Master Shake: Come in to who now? (Shake becomes the demon and bursts out the window)
Frylock: Dammit! We're on the ground floor.

Master Shake: Another week in for a weekend in the city. This is so exciting for me. Look. They have fountains. (Jumps out the window screaming)
Meatwad: Finally. We going home now?
Frylock: Nuh-uh. We sleeping here in your bed, man. (Door knocks and Shake is outside with Carl's head on a platter)
Master Shake: ROOM SERVICE!!!