Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 92 - Eggball

Click on the filename above the transcription to download the clip. Enjoy!

Frylock: (Snoring, hears Shake yelling and clattering) Huh? Huh? what?
Master Shake: C'mon, get outta there! Get outta there! Go!
Pinball Machine: It's a new world record!
Master Shake: One million points! Oh, no. up that rim!
Pinball Machine: I'm doing this as hard as I can.
Master Shake: Ooh! I did that! I just did it.
Pinball Machine: I should not walk so a child may live!
Master Shake: Comin' in-- a multi-ball!
Pinball Machine: Tonight...you!
Frylock: What the hell, man? When did you get this?
Master Shake: I had it made. The Family Guy has one, so why not me? Based on my incredible adventures.
Frylock: 'Cause you don't have any incredible adventures.
Master Shake: I am a modern day Tom Sawyer. Look, it has 18 flippers, each with a button. The foot pedals control the angle of the board. The ball, shaped like the ovum of a flightless bird. A fountain in the middle to commemorate that time when I stole all them pennies. And my favorite feature -- it's impossible to tilt. Watch this. (Tilts and it shuts down) It doesn't tilt!
Frylock: It doesn't work now, either.
Pinball Machine: You have tilted, jerk!
Master Shake: No! my baby!
Frylock: Yeah. goodnight.
Master Shake: You bastard! You brought this on us!

Master Shake: Little sticky on the 7th flipper. This is working all right.
Repairman: Oh, that's weird. Yeah, it's--it's playing slow. Oh, wait a minute, there's no ball in it.
Master Shake: It's a eggball! It's a egg from this flightless bird I met.
Meatwad: Mmm, these is some good eggs. They hard, though.
Master Shake: My multi-ball!
Meatwad: I'm whipping up a Denver multi-ball, if you want one.
Repairman: Don't you worry. I always have an extra. There you go. How about that?
Master Shake: No! It's a eggball! It came outta the ass of this flightless bird I met and you don't know 'em!
Repairman: Oh, I don't have one of those.
Master Shake: You must! This is based on my wonderful adventures.
Repairman: Uh, let me have a look in the truck. (Squeals away in van)
Meatwad: Okay, here's another idea. I suggest we go find one of them birds you talkin' 'bout, and raise it, and nurture it and feed it grains and hamburger, and have it lay you some of them balls for your game.
Master Shake: That's your suggestion.
Meatwad: Yeah, that's it.
Master Shake: Well, it's a damned good one. Tonight, you may spank yourself. Frylock.
Frylock: I don't know what kinda bird you're talking about.
Master Shake: You know, it's a rare one. With the feet that are colored. You know, come on! Just get on it.
Frylock: I don't understand what --
Master Shake: Damn it! it's my vision! Make it so!
Frylock: Are you asking me to do something? Is this a command?
Master Shake: Never mind! (Rips door off frame) You call yourself a man? Then follow me!

Master Shake: Well, this is most likely where I found him.
Frylock: Where the hell are we, Shake?
Master Shake: I don't know! This is uncharted. You think Donald Trump knows where all his stuff is? No! And that guy's on television.
Meatwad: Look, y'all. Look at this map. And now look at this guy. And then, look at that over there. And now look at my finger. I got me a booger on it. Unrelated. But I do like boogers.
Frylock: Shh, shh! shh, shh! Please help. I came here to Death Island to spend some quality time with my family and possibly look into relocating, and maybe building a second home here, but now the strange noises keep getting closer and closer and I fear we're being hunted by-- That's where it ends.
Meatwad: I'm goin' get me a tan.
Frylock: No, Meatwad. Not without a 45 SPF, you don't. Maybe it's because of the ultraviolet rays that they call it Death Island.
Meatwad: Or it could be all them skeletons. That too.
Master Shake: Hey, here's some sunblock! Right here in the old vending machine.
Frylock: Oh, hang on. I think I got 55 cents.
Master Shake: No, no ,no. Let 'em get this. (Smashes glass) All right. The trail mix, sticky rolls, and Dr. Fudge-Be-Gone are all mine.
Meatwad: Lemme have that Dr. Fudge-Be-Gone.
Master Shake: No! Pull a fish from the ocean and skin it with your tooth.
Meatwad: You ain't even eating that smacker bar!
Master Shake: I'm gonna save this for myself for later.
Frylock: Shake, is this that bird you were looking for?
Master Shake: Nah.
Meatwad: Well, look a there. He just farted out a bunch of pinball eggs.
Frylock: Yeah, Meatwad's right, man. They are pinballs.
Master Shake: No, no, no. Mine are totally different. These will not work.
Frylock: Oh, come on, Shake, look. The thing's laying pinball eggs.
Master Shake: Slay him for food!

Meatwad: I'm singing bye bye deep dish pepperoni pizza who got the extra large slice filled with pepperoni-- Come on, everybody!
Master Shake: I am bored. Let's go back home.
Frylock: We parachuted here.
Master Shake: Yeah, I know. Because it was cheaper.
Frylock: The tickets said one way.
Master Shake: Round trip was insane! You wanna pay those prices? Be my guest.
Frylock: Had we rented the boat like I wanted, we could get back in the boat and go home.
Master Shake: Well, we didn't do that, did we? Because someone didn't assert themselves enough. I keep telling you to read my book. "Master your finances and Shake it Up". Chapter One -- make every problem your slave. Seriously, did you even pick it up?
Frylock: Yeah, we got a garage full of them.
Master Shake: That's 'cause they didn't sell.
Meatwad: Hey, y'all.
Master Shake: 'Cause you shut the website down!
Meatwad: We could take these jet skis over here.
Master Shake: Shut up, Meatwad! I'm discussing my book over here.
Frylock: All right, shake, you win. How do you make this problem your slave?
Master Shake: Well, I'll tell you. Rule one -- Assess the Situation. We are f***ed.
Meatwad: Y'all see these jet skis?
Master Shake: Rule two -- Apply Blame. You, Frylock. you're the one.
Meatwad: What about these jet skis?
Master Shake: Rule three -- don't let the blamee hear about you blaming them. Hey, Meatwad, Frylock really jobbed us on this, didn't he?
Meatwad: Yeah, you probably shouldn't say that with him standing right there. You see these jet skis --
Master Shake: Rule four -- make a suggestion, but don't own up to it in case it sucks. Hey, guys, what if we make a boat out of sand? But it's a glass-bottom boat. Then we could host tours for this roasted bird and get money to buy a plane ticket outta here from an airport that does not exist.
Frylock: That idea sucks.
Master Shake: Yeah, I know. Who's idea was that, Meatwad?
Meatwad: Two jet skis right over here.
Master Shake: Which leads me to Rule 4 - Take Well Deserved Nap. Good night. Good luck. The end.
Meatwad: So we doing the jet skis --
Master Shake: Do you like to hear your own voice? 'Cause I'm trying to sleep! You write a book, and tell me it doesn't make you tired!
Frylock: Shh, shh! What the hell is that?
Master Shake: Go to bed!

Meatwad: Thank goodness I found these jet skis, right?
Frylock: Oh, definitely man.
Meatwad: What do you think them crazy sounds was?
Frylock: You know, normally I'd be curious, but I'm not.
Meatwad: Ain't you just a little worried about Shake?
Frylock: Nope.
Meatwad: Me neither.
Frylock: Here, help me grab his stuff and take it to the curb.
Meatwad: You need to bend with your legs.

Master Shake: Classic rule five. Ignore existence of dilemma, and it shall go away. Wait a minute.
Bird: (Speaking in Clucks) Are you here to do a reading?
Master Shake: You bought my book?
Bird: We found it in a dumpster.
Master Shake: Congratulations, you are well on your way to living a healthy life at the expense of others.
Bird: Rudy is angry. He craves a free game. You will be that free game. Forever until you are bones.
Master Shake: Yeah, bawk bawk bawk! I don't understand stupid chicken talk. Now untie me immediately so I can autograph that damn book for your stupid nephew.
Bird: Insert the coin!
Master Shake: What's his name? Sammy? Wait a minute. (Shake bounces around a giant pinball table as the ball)
Bird: Here he comes! Prepare the flipper! Dammit! You were too late with the flipper. Gave over. Life over.
Master Shake: I do not understand what you are saying to me!
Bird: I speak in turkey clucks.
Master Shake: What? what's that again!
Bird: I speak in turkey clucks.
Master Shake: Speak english! Why is that not a law everywhere?!
Bird 2: He speaks only in turkey clucks.
Bird 3: He's an idiot.
Master Shake: What's going on, man?
Bird: The cup would be a great sacrifice for Rudy.
Bird 3: He's saying our god Rudy is angry.
Bird: That's not what I said.
Master Shake: Rudy? Who the hell is Rudy?
Bird: Kill the cup!
Bird 3: He's saying run!

Master Shake: All right, what do you want, you big gay baby! Oww! Owww!!! (Gets lasered by the baby while the other birds watch on webcam)

Bird 2: Good idea, Lyle, let's set up a web cam so everybody can watch a giant gay baby blow up another tourist with his lasers.
Lyle: Come on, you don't know he's gay.
Bird 2: Isn't that what he called him?
Lyle: I mean, he called him that, that doesn't mean he's gay.
Bird 2: He called him gay.
Lyle: I just think we should change I mean, death island is not an inviting name.
Bird 2: Well, fantasy island is taken!
Lyle: Life island would be better. I mean, it's not great, but it's way better than death island.
Frederick: Someone has to destroy that baby. And he's probably gay.
Bird 2: But we tried to destroy Rudy for hundreds of years. We was hoping he would grow and mature and learn not to destroy tourists.
Frederick: But he doesn't learn!
Lyle: Well, look, I don't know what to tell you. The benadryl missiles didn't work and the nitroglycerine rattle went nowhere.
Frederick: He loves it, though. Have you seen him with it?
Bird 2: Yes, Frederick. He gets bigger by the millenium.
Lyle: Hmm. I'm just throwing stuff at the wall right now, but let's build a giant daycare center and put him in it.
Bird 2: WHAT THE f***?! The island is gone!
Frederick: That's a stupid idea, Lyle.
Lyle: Oh, I didn't come up with it, I'm just thinking out loud.
Bird 2: Gimme that book! Okay, here's what we're gonna do, we'll all take naps and hope this goes away.
Lyle: We should definitely have him tested. Developmentally he's not quite with the other gay babies.
Bird 2: I'm not having doctor's poking around in my gay baby.