Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 89 - A PE Christmas

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Master Shake: Where is the food?
Frylock: Will you shut up?
Master Shake: You said there was gonna be food. And I don't see meat. I see bread, but that ain't a sandwich.
Frylock: Shut up, Shake. shut up.
Master Shake: There's no protein. I want to be Muscle Man for Halloween and I have to start now.
Frylock: Will you shut up? They have to bless it first.
Master Shake: Ah, Jes--
Frylock: don't you say it!
Master Shake: I'm not allowed to say a name?
Frylock: You're taking it in vain.
Master Shake: No I'm not. When I use it, I get results. What are you looking at? You worshiping me now all of a sudden?
Frylock: Sorry.
Master Shake: Yeah yeah, turn back around captain rubberneck.
Meatwad: Hey look at that. They giving out money over there.
Master Shake: SSH! Have some respect. We're in a church! Alright, here's the plan. When he stupidly hands us the dish of money, I will accept it and quickly deposit it into my off-shore account, and you cut that way, far away from me, and start screaming "Hey I took the money! I took that money!"
Meatwad: Like I took the money! Hey y'all I took the money!
Frylock: No you don't. Not on christmas you don't.
Master Shake: Where'd you get money?
Frylock: I worked for it. And I'm giving it to the church. Because you need to experience how it feels to give, and not just receive, like you usually do.
Meatwad: But also, how it feels to receive, too. Cause that's a good feeling too y'all. When Santa Claus comes down from the cross and give me all that stuff I asked for.
Frylock: That ain't santa claus, okay? How many times I gotta tell you that?
Meatwad: Well he got a beard. And that ain't a belly full of jelly. Look like he got an appendectomy scar. Is this the mall? 'Cause I'm sitting here wondering how I'm gonna sit in his lap when he's hanging from some nails.
Frylock: Santa claus did not die for our sins.
Meatwad: Santa claus is dead? No!
Master Shake: Yes! He crashed his sleigh right into a wall 'cause he was drinking a lot. It was a twisted fiery wreckage of sleigh, reindeer bones, and the old fat bastard's guts.
Frylock: Excuse me, excuse me folks. We need to go.
Master Shake: And who's drunk enough to get nailed to wood? I can see maybe one nail. But then you'd think he'd move. But no! We gotta revere him for his slow reaction time.

Frylock: Look, it's been a long year. And I won't lie to you -- it's been rough. There may not be a whole lot under the tree this year.
Meatwad: That's okay, Frylock. We got each other. And I got me a brand new super soaker that I asked for, right? So I'll be happy too.
Frylock: Yeah.. About that...
Master Shake: Frylock. What Meatwad is saying is something changed me during that service. And I think I'm gonna do things a little differently from now on.
Frylock: Damn, well that's great to hear.
Master Shake: Please open these gifts!
Frylock: Flavor flav?
Meatwad: Chuck D's 401k?
Master Shake: See, I've stolen their identity and I plan to release a christmas album -- as the Public enemy. "Bring the Toyz: A Public Enemy Christmas".
Frylock: okay. good night.
Master Shake: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Christmas is tomorrow, Frylock. You will now drive us to the studio. This I command.

Master Shake: Well, Frylock blew it. And I'm gonna charge him for the hour and a half it took me to walk here. Ugh, God I don't know how I keep that in so long.
Meatwad: Hey, I think we oughta sing a couple of Christmas classics, like "Silent Night" and "O Holy Night" and "One Night in Bangkok".
Master Shake: yeah, no. I sing all the tracks. Me. Just by myself. And you say "uh" like whenever I say anything, then you tell me how good I sound. Which it will.
Meatwad: Uh. uh. Uh-uh. uh-uh.
Master Shake: Perfect. perfect. We were recording on that, right?
Michael: Uh.. no. I was just getting levels.
Master Shake: Dammit, Michael I told you we have a tight window on this! You apparently don't wanna be here on Christmas Eve.
Michael: I don't.
Meatwad: Uh. uh-uh.
Master Shake: Wait, we're rolling now, right?
Michael: Sorry. Um, rolling now.
Master Shake: Okay. Let's take a break now. I feel like the record is going really well everybody.
Meatwad: Yeah booooyeee!
Master Shake: Terminator X, please. Terminate the jibber jabber.
Meatwad: Umm, question Flava. Um, how are they-- How's the listener gonna believe the hype if you don't bring the noise, like you usally sound?
Master Shake: We're gonna modulate it in that thing with the computer. Larger point, listeners ain't gonna know until they've already paid for the album.
Meatwad: Alright.
Master Shake: By that time, I'll already have like three Grammys.
Meatwad: Yeah, but PE is Jewish, ain't they?
Master Shake: And I am white, and you are stupid. So who cares?
Meatwad: I mean you're like 100% white, you're like blinding white.
Master Shake: Oh, you're gonna play the race card. Alright, breaks over. Let's hear that beat.
Meatwad: And then, of course, then we'll modulate it in the thing with the computer.
Master Shake: Yeah I know we're gonna modulate it in that thing I said. I know that. Playback!

(Shake rapping)
Happy birthday Jesus!
You are the one,
coming down to earth from the planet Krypton,
Rollin out tracks and getting it on,
like the 'Wrath of Khan' with Ricardo Montalban.
It rained fishes and loaves on the bitches and the hos,
They said they want some mo' and he said, "Hell no!"
Yo I got the flow,
you ghost ridin the whip
and you suckin on my--

Michael: Okay, let's cut it there.
Master Shake: Whoo! I was hoping to get the word "ding dong" in on that take, but I ran out of breath.
Meatwad: Uh, uh-uh. Uh uh, uh-uh uh. You need some more uhhs?
Michael: I think we can loop the one "uh". Let me--let me listen back to that.
Master Shake: Alright, why don't you, uh modulate that to sound like Flavor Flav, which is obviously who I am.
Meatwad: Word to your Mommy.
Master Shake: Word up.
Michael: Come on in for playback.

(Track Plays)
(Uh!)
Happy birthday Jesus!
You're the one,
coming down to earth from the planet Krypton, (Uh!)
Rollin out tracks and getting it on,
like the 'Wrath of Khan' with Ricardo Montalban. (Yeah Boyeee!)
It rained fishes and loaves on the bitches and the hos,
They said they want some mo' and he said, "Hell no!" (Uh)
Yo I got the flow,
you ghost ridin the whip
and you suckin on my-- (Doorbell)

Master Shake: Sounds good.
Meatwad: Yeah, it's pretty tight.
Michael: Yeah that's.. So we done?
Master Shake: Let's hear it again. I think I heard a click.
Meatwad: And can we brighten up the "uhh"s a little? Just a touch.
Master Shake: Yeah, get them all Brighton Beach all up in here.
Michael: Sure. I'll brighten it. How's that?
Meatwad: I noticed you-you're not touching the board. You're just sorta looking at me.
Michael: Yeah, I'm controlling it with my feet.
Meatwad: Oh, okay.
Master Shake: Of course. Like Geddy Lee. And that's a wrap everyone. How do we put what you just did in stores so people buy it and I get the money?
Michael: Sir, it's only 12 seconds.
Meatwad: How we gonna release that? That ain't even a single, man.
Master Shake: We can do six. Six songs is an album, right?
Meatwad: Do that mean we gotta record five more?
Master Shake: Fine! I'll start by writing some more lyrics!

(Shake rapping)
Stapler on the desk
I got a microphone stand
How about some waffles?
This chair does not give me enough lumbar support
Dingdong suckas
and I'm out!

Master Shake: Then fade out, put that in the machine and have 'em shrinkwrapped quickly before the stores close.
Michale: I can't--that's.. right.
Meatwad: Umm, I wrote me some lyrics, too.
Master Shake: That sounds great, Meatwad but I just don't think Jesus wants you to sing all over my record.
Meatwad: It's an oldie but a goodie.
Master Shake: Look, it's not my call here, okay? It's the king of kings, he the one that don't want it.
Meatwad: Can't I just do one song?
Master Shake: You know what? You're right. It's Christmas, and I realized I gotta take a dump. And we're rolling, go ahead. We're not rolling on this.
Meatwad: Here we go. Little more in the can, thank you. (Singing; Shake is in the bathroom having diarrhea) Silent night, holy night. All is calm, all is bright. Can we get that door closed?
Michael: It is closed.
Meatwad: All right, let's just--we'll just keep it rolling. ..Virgin, mother and child. Holy infant so tender and -- Michael, jack my volume up. Sleep in heavenly peace! (Shake: My eyes are tearing up!)
Master Shake: Oh my God! There was like an adult sized eel, lurking in my anus! Toilet's backed up. Somebody in my entourage must've clogged the pipes with their BM. Terminator eX...crement! Did you eat a horse on the way over here?

Frylock: Merry Christmas, everybody!
Meatwad: Look y'all! Santa Claus left us a bunch of eels for Christmas.
Frylock: What the hell?!
Master Shake: There were eels in my body. Nobody believed me!
Meatwad: Can I keep 'em Frylock? Please? Can I keep them?
Frylock: Sure, what the hell?
Meatwad: I want to train them to be part of a show. Like the Jackson 5, only eels.
Frylock: At least someone got something this Christmas.
Meatwad: What'd you get, Shake?
Master Shake: Well apparently I got eel diarrhea. Now come on, let's see how my album is selling.

Frylock: I told you, the stores are closed. It's Christmas, man.
Master Shake: Help me pry open the door so the consumers can get to my album!

Master Shake: I'm Flavor Flav! You are well aware of my hip hops and raps. Now you're going to hear from my lawyers who will bust a rhyme on your job. Ohhh! (Poops) What did I eat in chuck D's dumpster?

Ending Credits - Shake's Song