Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 82 - Chick Magnet

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I'm a bum and I haven't gotten these done yet. Please be patient!

Master Shake: Ooo! Ooo! It's here, it's here! Everybody come out and look!
Meatwad: A little bit left, a little bit left. Higher, higher! Aaannnd, drop it! (Crate crashes through the ceiling) What in tarnation is--
Master Shake: [Smashes Meatwad] -Mine is what it is! You don't touch it or look at it...but if you would be so kind as to plug it in, please?
Meatwad: Oky doky, smokey.
Master Shake: Are you getting smart with me?
Meatwad: No.
Master Shake: You better watch your mouth or that mouth will come off!
Meatwad: Um, oky doky, smoke- um, artichokey.
Master Shake: Now, that's better, 'cause vegetables are the core of the universe.
Frylock: What the hell happened to the roof?!
Master Shake: What do I look like? A carpenter? All I do know is she better fix it when she arrives!
Frylock: She? She who?
Master Shake: You know, the collective 'she'. All women of the world! For behold, the ultimate chick magnet! (smashes crate and magnet roars)
Frylock: (reading) Plug it in and let the fun begin.
Meatwad: Um hmm!
Frylock: Big booty time tonight!
Meatwad: Yeah!
Frylock: Penis will touch vagina in a big and exciting way.
Meatwad: All right, y'all!
Frylock: All purchases are final.
Master Shake: Meatwad, open all the windows and doors. I don't want anything slowing down the river of coo that's going to be flowing in here.
Frylock: And what's this?
Master Shake: Sex lube!
Meatwad: (in background) Hey baby. Where you from baby? Nice cans baby. Hey baby! Text him for me baby.
Master Shake: Yeah, it comes with the 'stud' package.
Frylock: It says "Sex lube not included in sex lube bottle".
Meatwad: I'm so into you, baby. I love you, baby. Rub my butt, baby.
Master Shake: Those are patented pick up lines crafted for me and my specific situation!
Meatwad: Where ya goin' baby? Don't run out on me, baby! I'll stalk you, baby.
Master Shake: It doesn't make sense when you do it!
Meatwad: Well, I still don't see no women. Baby.
Homeless Guy: Wassup... (head explodes)
Master Shake: Is it plugged in yet?!
Frylock: It's been plugged in.
Master Shake: Well plug it in harder! See, it sends out waves of vibrating joy--
Frylock: Yeah, yeah, I've seen the commercial.
Master Shake: Yeah, well it works on the commercial.
Frylock: I know, it does.
Master Shake: So, you know how it works then?
Frylock: It's a commercial!
Master Shake: Yeah! And that's just a demonstration! Turn it up to Caligula!
Frylock: Uh, there's no settings.
Master Shake: Obviously a part is missing! The part that pulls in the coos.
Meatwad: Ain't nothin' in here, but this screw.
Master Shake: Throw it away, it's extra!
Frylock: No, I'm sure this screw goes in here somewhere.
Master Shake: No, no. It's a double entendre for the screwing that's gonna happen!
Frylock: Yeah, you gettin' screwed.
Master Shake: Oh is that right? I will take this to the night club, and we shall see who is getting screwed...hardest!

Master Shake: How's it going? Anybody see an outlet? I know they're getting an electricity 'cause uh, frequently these lights they run on it! (chuckles) Yeah, Im an engineer. You know I have electricy back at my pad. And, I got the mad cash to pay for it to! I'm into sex! Place is a sausage factory!

Frylock: Well, how did it work?
Master Shake: It was..awesome! I--I mean I got SO laid, it's dangerous for my life. I think I may need to return this.
Frylock: Oh, no you can't do that. See, Meatwad ate the box, the receipt, and the proof of purchase.
Meatwad: Done pooped it out! I got hyper-bowel!
Master Shake: Well that's just great!
Meatwad: I kept this screw, you want this screw?
Master Shake: Throw it away! It's worthless!!

Master Shake: No, no I didn't. No I did not order it. Yes. Yes I am Studhauser, and yes my pin is 6969, but I did not order this, sir! And I'll have you know I am no stranger to litigation! I've been sued many times and enjoy every second of it. Oh, oh is that right? That's the sound of my precious chick magnet being demolished because you could not give me a straight answer! Let me speak to your supervisor! Oh, he's on the moon is he? All right, fine. When do you expect him back? Two-thou-- 2032?! Okay, but you radio him this, I am angry and I want my money back! Yes, I will take a free bottle of sex lube. This is not a trade off, though. Okay, goodbye. Thank you, Charles.
Frylock: Well, what'd they say?
Master Shake: They are paying me to advertise the product. Can you believe it?
Frylock: No.
Master Shake: Well I do!

Frylock: I really wish he'd just get rid of that magnet! It looks so awful in the living room next to that chair, don't you think Meatwad? I mean, I wish I could just redo the whole room.
Meatwad: Maybe you could drop a hint to him, like, 'This magnet look better out on the street' and 'I hate this magnet' and 'This magnet sucks'.
Frylock: You know, you're right. Put on some tea, and heat up those little cakes he likes, and I'll go talk to him.

Frylock: Shake, we need to talk.
Master Shake: Yes we do. 'Cause Oprah is about to give everyone in the audience a Ford Taurus!
Frylock: Ooo! What book is she reading this week?
Master Shake: The Pregnant Mind. And seriously, has she ever looked better? I don't think so! Commercial! What's up?
Frylock: Umm.. Oh, nothing. Here's some tea. And those uh, cakes that you like.
Master Shake: That is so sweet!! It's a sweet treat from the sweetest person I know.
Frylock: You're welcome!
Master Shake: Are you okay?
Frylock: Just... allergies!
Master Shake: Frylock?!

Frylock: I couldn't. I just couldn't tell him. He never thinks about my feelings!
Meatwad: Oh, come on now. He just doesn't communicate it properly. He's so ashamed of that purchase. You're helping him turn the page on a difficult chapter. That's what Oprah would say.
Frylock: What a minute... Why the-- Why am I on this stairmaster?! What the hell is wrong with me? That magnet is a motherf***in' eyesore, and it's gone today!!

Master Shake: Ooo! Stationary?! I love it!
Frylock: I know, I saw it and I said, 'That is so Shake!'
Master Shake: Okay, first off, I love this paper! I'm keeping it! You're gonna get this back, wrapped around something else!
Frylock: I know how much you love to write little notes of encouragement!
Master Shake: Well I can tell you who's going to get a little thank you note! I think I'm going to craft it right now!
Frylock: Oh, oh, by the way. I was wonderin'...
Master Shake: Yeah, what's up?
Frylock: Um, what do you think about this? I'm thinkin about you know, puttin' a designer pastel over everything in the room.. but mostly the magnet.
Master Shake: I-- Do you... do you not like it?
Frylock: Oh, no, no, no! I love it, I love it. I just thought a little pastel you know would dress the place up a little.
Master Shake: You know, that is so thoughtful. I'm picturing it now and I think it would look amazing!

Frylock: Why couldn't I just say that I don't like your stupid magnet?! And it's my house too! Why couldn't I say that?!
Meatwad: Well, you need to look in the mirror 'cause they show reflections.
Frylock: You know, you're right. You're absolutely right. I have no one to blame but myself! Have some self respect, Frylock. Stand up to him!
Meatwad: What did you have in mind here? I think a cherry would be wonderful. Somethin' that really sorta accents the green in the astro-turf. Gives it the whole sorta garden motif.
Frylock: Meatwad! Why the f*** are we in a fabric store?!
Meatwad: 'Cause you said we gonna get a.. I hate the fabric store. What's goin' on here?
Frylock: Tea and cakes?! Stationary gifts? It's that magnet! It's pullin' our feminine side up to the surface. And it's gone today, man. It's gone!

Master Shake: What a minute. Did you get new shoes?
Frylock: No, but I sure need some! I mean look at these. They're so last year!
Master Shake: Let's go shopping! We'll make a day of it! Pedicure. Brunch!
Frylock: No brunch for me. I feel bloated.
Master Shake: Aw, listen to him. Skinny as a rail. He'll never stop.
Frylock: Yeah, you know me. I just get a little crazy during my.. my period. My period?!
Meatwad: Frylock, over here. Dear Frylock, your smile lights up my day. You are smart, funny, caring, and such a true friend to me. So would you please get rid of that magnet that's causin' us to act like women and write little notes to each other and give out gifts all the time whenever we get near it, 'cause I liked when we were men and we froze a squirrel and sawed it in half. Smiley face, Meatwad.
Master Shake: Get rid of the magnet? I thought you liked it!
Frylock: I kinda don't. But you like it and that's what matters.
Master Shake: No, then get rid of it. Now I'm not sure where the remote will sit. I guess I can hold it..in my hand. Just because you don't like what I like, does not mean we can't still be friends.
Frylock: I know. I'm so sorry.
Master Shake: No, because I am sorry.
Frylock: No Shake, I'm sorry.
Master Shake: No no, I'm sorry.

Frylock: Well f*** you too!
Master Shake: No! F*** YOU! F***O!
Frylock: No, cause it's f***ck you time!
Master Shake: You got a problem with it! You say it TO MY FACE!
Frylock: Oh, I said it to your face! A number times!
Master Shake: Well, my face wasn't looking, and my ears weren't f***cking listening!
Frylock: AND YOUR TEETH ARE ABOUT TO STOP CHEWING TOO! (pause)
Master Shake: And what's that mean, Big-Man?!
Frylock: It was a awkward attempt to tell you, that I'm about to kick the teeth out your head!
Master Shake: Well, I did not......I did not get that initially!
Frylock: Well now I've explained it! (in background still fighting)

Meatwad: Carl, can you help me with this? I'm just butterfingers with tools and I don't want to get any sweat on my bonnet.
Carl: What's in it for me?
Meatwad: A friendship hug to warm your soul.
Carl: I'll do it, you just stay back. I don't want any of your ooze or juices around me. (starts screwing with Chick Magnet) Ah. All the sudden, for no reason at all I feel very fat. Oh my goodness, look at my ass. It's hideous.
Meatwad: It's not bad. Sure, your ass is big, but it's not bad.
Carl: Oh, it's awful! I'm starting to diet today!
Meatwad: Maybe you should change your sweatpants. Black is the slimming shade.
Carl: But that's just masking the problem and I'm not lookin' inside, where the real problem is! My self esteem! (runs off)
Meatwad: Carl, don't! That's not what I meant! (Women start getting sucked to the magnet after Carl had put the screw in) Hey y'all, I'm Meatwad.

Master Shake: I'm gonna whoop ass, I've been smackin' all--
Frylock: Wait, wait. Ssh-- Shut up, Shake. You hear that?
Master Shake: Look over there! (Slaps Frylock) Ooo! You got schooled, son!

(Argument during the credits)

Frylock: Oh no no, don't you walk away from me! Where you goin?!
Master Shake: Well obviously I'm gonna tape up my hands... I cannot ruin my meal ticket WHEN I'M BEATING YOUR FACE SO HARD!!
Frylock: Well I used all the tape. Tappin' up a present for ya. It's a knuckle sandwich!
Master Shake: Well I'm not hungry!
Frylock: Well then you wrap it up and eat later then!
Master Shake: You gonna step to me?! What are you, a wizard? Let's go!