Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 80 - Shake Like Me

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I'm a bum and I haven't gotten these done yet. Please be patient!

Meatwad: Hey look y'all, they're puttin' in a pool next door!
Frylock: Man, I was told they were going to fix that house up!
Meatwad: Well I was told that they was going to get a trampoline. You know, maybe I was just projecting my desires onto them.
Master Shake: I jump on a tramp every night. That's how I roll. The juice just keeps on flowing. Who is writing this down? This is gold.
Frylock: No, this ain't safe. I need to talk to them. (Fast wipe) Okay, it's all good. They've agreed to shut it down. (They begin again) Oh, dammit! (Fast wipe again) Okay, finally. It's all good. They said they forgot that they had promised to stop dumping the radioactive waste, but now that they remember, they said they're sorry and that they'll stop dumping. (they begin again) What the hell?! We had an understanding!
Master Shake: Let 'em understand it from the lips of the master! Hey! Yeah you, jerkoff! You want a yellow fist in your face, huh? Is that what you crave? Shut it off, or I will march up there and shut it off for you! Come on down here and discuss things with-- First off, this swimming pool is not Olympic size. I want a high dive! What does that mean? It means depth, for flips and twists. To me, this pool looks poorly constructed, at best.
Meatwad: And I want a trampoline!
Master Shake: You heard him, the boy wants a trampoline. (Black guy growls)
Meatwad: And I want a Spongebob bounce house, and a petting zoo with real llamas. Not the stuffed llamas you win at the ring toss at the fair, but--but I want a fair too. Have them have a fair!
Master Shake: So are you gonna hop to it? Or will I have to beat you down in front of the child? (Guy bites Shake) Aahh! What are you, a vampire?! (Screams about a tetanus shot)

Frylock: (typing) ...and furthermore, your crew was irresponsible--
Master Shake: HIGHLY irresponsible!
Frylock: HIGHLY irresponsible in biting my roomate. I am appalled--
Master Shake: VERY appalled!
Frylock: Very appalled.. and I await with great patience--
Master Shake: And will kill without warning!
Frylock: ...a response, please. Sincerely, your friend, Frylock.
Meatwad: P.S. We need water.
Master Shake: Yeah, see if they'll turn the water back on!
Frylock: No, that's a different letter.
Master Shake: I'm lickin' the sweat off the bologna!
Frylock: The city's gonna be on this! Oh yeah! They're gonna be on it!
Master Shake: Yeah, where do they get off?! Bitin' me like an animal all up in here.
Frylock: "All up in here"?
Master Shake: Yeah, yo. All up in here! This region of the epidermis...dawg.
Frylock: Look Shake, I don't know why he chose you, okay. Sometimes people snap when confonted. And then..animal instincts take over.
Meatwad: And plus, he was radioactive. And glowing. Umm. 'Cause you glowin' cause of the radioactive-tivity.
Master Shake: Oh yeah?
Meatwad: Yeah
Frylock: That's right, Meatwad. You were bitten by a radioactive black man. But I don't expect any lingering effects.
Meatwad: Nah, me neither. Good night y'all.
Frylock: Good night!
Meatwad: No! Turn on the light! I'm scared! I don't want the dark, Turn on the--
Master Shake: (Now a black version of himself) Yeeaahh, boy!

Master Shake: Fryman in the hizzy with the shizzy!
Frylock: Shake?!
Master Shake: Come here, yo. I got a complicated handshake I want to try out. Oh, for real y'all.
Frylock: Have you looked at yourself in the mirror? You look different!
Master Shake: I feel ya. But check this out. RIMS! Put a spell on them ho's y'all! 'Cause I'm hell on them ho's y'all.
Meatwad: What ho's?
Master Shake: Just ho's in general. Ya know.. Fly honies.. That I would hit.. With my genitals. (rapping) I wake up every morning with a woody! You make 'em laugh, if you get close I get the pudding!
Meatwad: Mm hmm. Okay. Can someone get my Dewey?
Frylock: Damn! Your vertical leap is incredible man!
Master Shake: (freestyling) It's all my mad skills, that pay the bills, I'm rippin' trills, like Celine Dion and I ain't no hip-hop Dion and I got a Glock 40 shocks, 40 carat rocks, jumpin' slam dunkin' like I'm hackin' Shaq. Best believe it now son! 'Cause I'm black!
Frylock: You... what?
Master Shake: I don't know! What the hell happened? What did I say?
Frylock: You said you're black!
Master Shake: Aww, for reals? You're trippin'!
Meatwad: When you were bitten by that radioactive black man you literally blacked out! Giving you special powers, special black powers!
Frylock: I'm not convinced, Meatwad. One more test.

Frylock: Go on, swim.
Master Shake: No.
Frylock: You're right. He's black.
Master Shake: Ahh, daaaammnnn!
Frylock: I mean, I don't have no problem with race. Race is not an issue in my house; I'm color blind!
Meatwad: Then why you keepin' my man Boxy Brown down in the crawl space?
Boxy Brown: Aww, Fry-cracker be fillin' me with old magazines and whatnot! I ain't no storage slave!
Frylock: Meatwad, I needed a box!
Boxy Brown: Sheeeeet, the man needs a box! Let's get the man a box right quickly!
Frylock: No, no.
Boxy Brown: You want a shoe-shine, Fry-cracker man?
Frylock: It's not like that! I needed a box, okay! Look, I'm not racist!
Meatwad: Frylock, what are you doin'? It's a box, boy! You a fool!
Frylock: We need to make you white again, Shake.
Master Shake: Ohhh! The man wants to craft me in his lilly-white image! You can't whitewash me with your lies! I'm black and I'm proud! And I will make sure it reads that in both gold and diamonds on my teeth, yo! (Fast wipe) I just got turned down for a damn loan for my expensive teeth, yo! Make me white again, yo!
Frylock: Okay, drink this!
Master Shake: Hell no!
Frylock: It's milk! It's where you come from.
Master Shake: I just like the case it comes in.
Frylock: (at a hockey game) That's right! It's professional hockey. The team is from Salt Lake City.
Master Shake: It's too white!
Frylock: Open your eyes!
Master Shake: I can't!
Frylock: You must!
Master Shake: Why you gotta treat me like this?!
Frylock: (at a grocery store) Squeeze those organic avocados!
Master Shake: Damn, those expensive!
Frylock: Judge them by smell!
Master Shake: Why you gotta pay that much for a avocado?!
Frylock: Do it!
Woman: Excuse me, do you know where I can find sapphron?
Master Shake: By the hot sauce!
Frylock: Move along, lady. He's white, okay?
Woman: Oh. I'm sorry. I assumed he worked here.
Master Shake: Aisle two! Now put'em on the glass!

Frylock: Swim!
Master Shake: Aw, no. I ain't hearin' that! Do I look like a duck?!
Frylock: Swim, God d*** you, swim! Swim with all your might!
Master Shake: No!
Frylock: Cardio, dammit!
Master Shake: It burns!!
Frylock: Do a lap!
Master Shake: What?! Where my big sneakers?!
Frylock: They're fine, just fine!

Meatwad: Okay, we're gonna return your skin to its normal pigmentation through a complication process I call, "house painting". What we do is we take this here house paint, and we just sorta dump--dump it on your head.
Frylock: Don't listen to him. Just lie back, breath, and in the morning you'll be white and back in control! (cuts off straw) Paint him.

Frylock: Now how does it feel to be caucasion?
Master Shake: What's this?
Frylock: It's a wristwatch, Shake. You know, time is valuable to you now.
Meatwad: And a health insurance card! Now if you fall down or if somebody tries to hack you in half with a.. with a battle axe, you're covered. I live for sorcery.
Master Shake: Aww, y'all be trippin', see?!
Frylock: I know it's an adjustment. Look, just let the whiteness work. Take a long weekend, mow your grass, recycle, ride your aluminum ten-speed in an urban area. Hell, adopt a Chinese baby! You're white now man!
Master Shake: All right, y'all. I'm down with that.
Meatwad: (Casts a spell and him and Frylock disappear)
Boxy Brown: You sellin' out to the man! Cracker be playin' you and you smilin' like the fool!
Master Shake: Whatever do you mean, sir?
Boxy Brown: You been bamboozeled! Those slave dried tears shackled your mind! 300 years of oppression and it goes on and on and on!
Master Shake: Well I was--
Boxy Brown: Ask your great-grandparents, who were brought over here on boats and toiled in the fields in chains, ask them how they like it.
Master Shake: See, actually you're mentioning grandparents and I--
Boxy Brown: How could you possibly do that?
Master Shake: Well I--
Boxy Brown: Unless you had a time machine of some sorts.
Master Shake: Well, the difference in my story is that I was bitten by a radioactive black man.
Boxy Brown: Oh.
Master Shake: Somehow that turned me.
Boxy Brown: That's an important piece of information, man.
Master Shake: Yeah, I guess.
Boxy Brown: Sheeet, leave it to a cracker. Your brain is whitewashed my man.
Master Shake: You're right!
Boxy Brown: Your damn straight I am. Master Shake is your slave name.
Master Shake: ...it does say 'Master' in there..
Boxy Brown: From now on, you are Mochashakakaun.
Master Shake: Yeah, I'm feelin' that!
Boxy Brown: Now, you follow me! But first you know, pick me up and carry me. There we go. BOXY BROWN!

Boxy Brown: Dunk! Get the rebound! Dunk again!
Master Shake: But what about school? And my swimmin' lessons?
Boxy Brown: F*** a bunch of school! You're gonna be a superstar! Get on that rim! (Shake starts to struggle) Oh, come on now! Let's see some chocolate thunder. Get the Jordan out your ass. Get on up there! (Shake starts to regress) Your grill! What's happenin' to your fade, dawg?!
Master Shake: My doo! The blackness is wearing off!
Boxy Brown: Hurry Mochashaka, rock the mic!
Master Shake: Boxy Brown, yo! Sucka MC. You're tellin' me, the place to be, is Applebees, for the.. the bottomless shrimp platter! They gotta...smatter.. Eatin' good in the.. The apple margarita, yo! Sugar on the rim! Dammit! I can't freestyle anymore!
Frylock: 'Cause I created a 'blackcine' and I injected it into your orange soda when you weren't lookin'!
Boxy Brown: Awww, no, no, no, the hell you say! Mochashaka, don't listen to the lies!
Frylock: Oh, really? Shake? What's the Boss up to these days?
Master Shake: Springsteen? I love the E-Street Band! You know he's recording a new album with Pete Seger? All accoustic. ...oh God no!!
Frylock: Yes! It's working!
Master Shake: Hey, what did the Dow do today? Dammit!
Frylock: Down over 60 points.
Master Shake: My 401k!! When do the Simpsons come on?!?!