Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 77 - The Marines

Click on the filename above the transcription to download the clip. Enjoy!

themarines1.mp3

TV: Warrior gum. The last gum you'll ever need. Damn!
Meatwad: Dang! That was violent... and magical. I'm gon' get me some of that gum!

themarines2.mp3

Frylock: How's that gum Meatwad?
Meatwad: Kicks butt. The flavor goes on and on. Also, I joined the Marines.
Frylock: You did what?
Meatwad: I joined the Marines.
Frylock: Well that was very dumb of them to take you.
Meatwad: Yeah, I know. I can't do one push-up, man. But they say that's okay, they teach me and then they say my face'll see the inside of a toilet and the inside of a fire ant hill and maybe... Germany.
Master Shake: Well what about your singing career?!
Meatwad: I guess we just have to wait until my..tour..of dukie ends.

Master Shake: Music does not wait! It lives on!
Meatwad: I know, that's what I said! But my drill sargeant said, "You don't say that. You give me twenty!" And I couldn't do one, you understand? But he says that's okay, we'll teach ya. And then he says my face'll see the inside of a toilet and the inside of an ant hill...
Frylock: Meatwad, Meatwad, we heard you the first time, okay?

themarines3.mp3

Meatwad: Well look here, maggot! You drop your ****s and grab your socks, we shippin' out in three hours!
Frylock: We?
Meatwad: Yeah you, Devil Dog! And you too, fartsack! 'Cause, I get a free coupon when I sign up two of my friends.
Master Shake: This is for frickin' gum!
Frylock: Gum?! You keep getting Marines and gum mixed up man!
Meatwad: Yeah, I know. I'm gonna pay for it big time, too.
Frylock: Look man, I'll see y'all later. I'm going to Canada.
Meatwad: Whoa, fartsack! My maggots and my jarhead and my leather necks--we sit out there on that wall protecting keyboard jockies like you! You want me on that wall; you need me on that wall!

Frylock: No, I don't.
Meatwad: See you later. Well, pack your things, maggot. We're going to the middle east!
Master Shake: Hell no! Let's see the Marines try to take me like this: (Puts gun in mouth and pulls trigger; fast wipe to Shake put back together in a Marine uniform) Unbelievable! They took me like this!

themarines4.mp3

Meatwad: You smokin' and jokin' with these potatoes or are you peelin' them, maggot?
Master Shake: You want me to peel root vegetables? How 'bout I peel this root vegetable for ya? It's all I can do to not burst into masturbation right now as we speak. I'm lonely out here, alright? Very lonely.
Meatwad: Well my men are hungry. You peel potatoes or you give me twenty!
Master Shake: You don't outrank me!
Meatwad: No I don't. I'm the same rank. We're both maggots. ...what are you reading?
Master Shake: Seven ways to make your skin look younger.
Meatwad: I want to read that after you're done with it.

Commanding Officer: Private Shake! Are you done peelin' them taters, you maggot!?!?
Master Shake: Oh yeah. You can say I'm well done... with these potatoes and you can kiss my privates.

Meatwad: He said we supposed to clean this so good we can eat out of it. But I don't think that's what people gon' do. I think people gon' poop in it.
Master Shake: No, I'm pretty sure I heard him say "Guard this. And make sure no terrorists come out."
Meatwad: No, I remember. He said, "clean this so good we can eat out of it"
Master Shake: Okay, you do that. And I'm gonna do what I heard, which is guard it. And we'll see who is right.
Meatwad: Okay, I'm done. It's as clean as its gonna get.

themarines5.mp3

Master Shake: (Potatoes fill the urinals) This is not clean enough! He said to clean it so we can eat off of it. I heard him!
Meatwad: Shut up and eat them potatoes. He said we had to finish them off so we can grow big and strong into a high GMC killin' machine! Hoo hah! Ho ho ho. I get-I get Hoo hah and Santa Claus mixed up!
Master Shake: Listen, when we dock, I'm gettin' a tattoo of an anaconda that's coming up outta my groin region! It's gonna say "Bad Ass" in ancient script, like Egyptian, maybe. What are you gettin'?
Meatwad: Well I want a butterfly with whispy yellow wings on my shoulder...and underneath it would say "Sandy"..cause I wish that was my name.
Master Shake: Yeah, seriously. When are we gettin' these tattoos?

Meatwad: Just eat them potatoes!
Master Shake: No, they make me gassy. Look, if you mash them they'll flush. No one will have a clue.
Meatwad: (Room is flooding) Oh man. They ain't flushing!
Master Shake: Well press it again! Obviously you're not pressing it hard enough!
Meatwad: This is all snafu! It's fubar!
Master Shake: Oh God! This ain't workin! Why didn't we go to Canada like Frylock?!

themarines6.mp3

Frylock: (Wakes with Saw-esque mask on his face) Where am I?!
Puppet: Welcome to Canada, Frylock. The key to the trap on your head is implanted in your skull, just behind your right eye. On the table in front of you is a grapefruit and grapefruit spoon. Do the math.
Frylock: Wait, wait, wait, wait! What's the grapefruit for?!
Puppet: (pause) I'm not sure actually, I forgot. You think you could maybe... grab your jaw and just sort of rip your head open? I want to see inside there... RIP YOUR HEAD OPEN!

Master Shake: We should just go to Canada right now!
Meatwad: That's a good idea.
Master Shake: It's not too late, right?!
Meatwad: No, I don't think so. Sure, I mean, we can go any time. Why not? It's not like this is the Marines or nothin'.
Master Shake: What?! It's not? I thought it was. (Explosion)
Meatwad: Well, it ain't. (Ship is getting attacked) Wait, maybe it is. But either, I mean, way we should be able to leave if we're not happy here. And I'm not.
Master Shake: Yeah, and if we're not happy there's no reason for us to be around. Nobody wants somebody who's not happy.
Meatwad: I don't like being fired-upon. Do you?
Master Shake: Of course not!
Meatwad: So, we should go.
Master Shake: Should we tell someone?
Meatwad: Oh, they'll figure it out. I'll just text them. From that big wave over there.
Master Shake: Let's go!
Meatwad: Oo rah!

Puppet: Are you enjoying our little game?
Frylock: Yeah, it's over. I just took it off.
Puppet: You have sixty seconds... wait, what are you talking about?
Frylock: I just took it off. Here it is. See, right here.
Puppet: Oh wow, shoot.
Frylock: It was only a twist tie.
Puppet: From my whole wheat bread loaf! You found it! Bring it to me. You have sixty seconds..
Frylock: Where are you?
Puppet: I don't know! I'm a doll.
Frylock: Well hell, you must be somewhere. There's a camera on you.
Puppet: There's a camera on me? For real? What do I look like? Am I pretty?
Frylock: Is this all y'all do up in Canada?
Puppet: We speak French... sometimes. Pretty much this though.
Frylock: Look, I'm going back to the United States, okay?
Puppet: Wait, um, uh, why don't you jam that grapefruit spoon in your eye. Is that cool?
Frylock: Let me think about that. Umm, no.
Puppet: Come on, man. Don't be a dick. Do it..or else!
Frylock: Or else what?
Puppet: Or else that! See what that did? What if you were eating that when that happened. ...nightmare!
Frylock: I am out of here.
Puppet: Wait... that key's still in your head.
Frylock: No it's not.
Puppet: Dammit! Just hack your foot off! Wait, Frylock! C'mon, don't go. We have universal health care here. It's free if you're a citizen.
Frylock: Nope. No thanks.
Puppet: C'mon man, hang out. I'm lonely.

themarines7.mp3

Master Shake: Frylock! We found you! I missed your beautiful face!
Meatwad: How was Canada?
Frylock: Canada? Eh... Canada sucks.
Meatwad: And so does the Marines.
Master Shake: You know what? I do not like being confined the bowels of a military ship. Or being fired upon by my enemies.
Meatwad: It sucks, man.
Master Shake: And yet, I love crepes, and horses, and I certainly enjoy curling. You know, Canada may not be for everyone, but hell, I'm willing to give it a try.
Frylock: Uh, Canada's over here Shake. Where you goin'?
Master Shake: I KNOW WHERE CANADA IS! All right?! I'm familiar with it! I can point to it on a map!

Meatwad: What's in here?
Frylock: Why don't you go find out?
Meatwad: Okay. I'll do anything.
Puppet: Wanna play a game?
Meatwad: No thank you.
Puppet: Wait! Wait! Don't go, don't go! Come on, man! I've got all the Rush records. Come on, man. Please! Just come hang out with me! Damn...
Frylock: All right, let's go home.
Meatwad: Boy, I can't go back there. The Marine Corp is lookin' for me, man. Let's go somewhere where there's a TV.

Commercial: This summer take your family to Canada. Come for the crepes, stay for the curling. Canada... que sera sera.
Master Shake: You know, kinda makes me think twice about visiting Canada after watching that ad! It's kinda like they're promoting the horror more than the natural beauty.
Meatwad: Oh, come on Shake. TV makes everything look good. Let's at least look into it.
Frylock: Aren't y'all... uh... AWOL?
Master Shake: Aren't you all A-HOLE? Semper Fry - Do or shut up!
Frylock: Look, I'm just sayin' Shake it's a law, you know?
Master Shake: Well, clearly I fought the law and I won.
Meatwad: We did our time.
Master Shake: I served with much distinction.
Meatwad: Peelin' 'taters.
Master Shake: Look at this serpent!
Frylock: Looks like a hampster to me.
Master Shake: I did not pick that one and that's why I'm having it lasered off tomorrow, all right?! I'm born hard!

themarines8.mp3

Meatwad: Yeah, we in huge trouble with the Marines.
Master Shake: Who I am suing, I'll have you know, completely annoymously because they must not know where the hell I am at this juncture in the legal process.
Chopper Pilot: This is the United States Military. Please step out of the cave immediately. You are AWOL, we are not leaving without you.
Meatwad: Oh man, the Marines found us.
Master Shake: Alpha team, go to night-vision mode! Oh yeah, they found us. God, they're good!
Meatwad: They won't take us if we're gay. Hurry, do the YMCA thing!
Master Shake: Seriously? All right, you do the M.

themarines9.mp3

Chopper Pilot: I do not comprehend; what are you trying to convey to me.
Commanding Officer: What the hell are you Kansas City ***s doin'?!
Meatwad: They're not buyin' it!
Master Shake: Look, there's only one friggin' way out of this. We gotta make out... like furied monkeys.
Meatwad: Hold me in your arms and kiss me deep!
Master Shake: Let's go!
Meatwad: Stick your tongue down my throat!
Master Shake: (Kissing) Oh I sure do like this!
Commanding Officer: Mother of God- They're gay now!
Chopper Pilot: Let's get out of here!
Commanding Officer: Everybody evacuate back to our wholesome, non-gay base.

Meatwad: Phew, they're gone. Hey, hey man. They're gone, you can get off me now!
Frylock: Aww, c'mon guys, you're rehashing. That's the same joke we did in the movie! You know, the movie that earned...
Voiceover: Over 5.5 million dollars in international release. Now available on DVD. Also available - Volume 5 and the video game, Zombie Ninja Pro-Am for Playstation 2. Buy it today!
Meatwad: What movie?