Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 75 - Laser Lenses

Click on the filename above the transcription to download the clip. Enjoy!

laserlenses1.mp3

Frylock: (yawns) Another day.. Uh oh, where are my contacts? Where are my contacts?! Yo! Meatwad! Have you seen my contacts?! Hey! Has anyone seen my contacts?!
Master Shake: Booyeah! Whoa! See what now?
Frylock: I'm lookin' for my contacts, Shake, have you seen 'em?
Master Shake: Seen... what?
Frylock: Contacts, Shake!
Master Shake: Starring Jodie Foster? Yeah, I've seen that movie. Twice.
Frylock: My contacts... my eyes!
Master Shake: C'mon, McConaughey as a theologian? Please, that's a stretch.

Master Shake:But when he was in Texas 3, with the hydraulic leg? That was for reals, y'all!
Frylock: Whoa! What the hell was that?

laserlenses2.mp3

Master Shake: You smell that? Smoke! Drop and roll! Hurry! Frylock, save yourself! Get out of the house!
Frylock: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Which way? Which way?! Which way!
Master Shake: The flames are tickling your buttocks! Hurry up now!
Frylock: What, whoa, whoa! Where's the door? I gotta get out of here! (runs into wall) Ahh!
Master Shake: Look at him! Drunk again, Frylock.
Meatwad: Everyone here got eye lasers except for me. What'd I do wrong to god?
Frylock: Eye lasers?! My contact lenses!

Frylock: Shake, give 'em back!
Master Shake: What, oh these? They were just sittin' there. In your eyes.
Frylock: These are dinner plates, Shake, and they still have food on 'em!
Master Shake: Well, your eyes looked very hungry. And those eyes need to eat!

laserlenses3.mp3

Meatwad: Hey, I got an idea. Let's take them eye lasers next door, and mouth off to Carl.
Master Shake: Now you're talkin'!
Meatwad: Pop off at him.
Master Shake: We're gonna pop off the wise.
Meatwad: See what he does
Frylock: Shake, wait. You can't overuse them. They'll do serious damage to your eyes.
Master Shake: Wow. You know what? (zaps Frylock) BOOYA! I will totally annihilate that bridge when I come to it, and, I'm not real happy about your tone right now.
Meatwad: Yeah!! We're gonna be poppin' off to him.
Master Shake: I've been workin' on one all week. It involves his genitals.

laserlenses4.mp3

Master Shake: Yo, chubbs! Hey, hairball!
Carl: Okay? I'm sorry, are you taking to me, there?
Master Shake: You spin around and direct your attention to me!
Meatwad: You had your cholesterol checked recently? You probably got a heart condition coming on. [chuckles] Oh yeah!
Carl: You're serious?
Master Shake: Yes, big boy.
Carl: You got a death wish or somethin' here?
Master Shake: I'm gonna hop in my pool right now and do a few laps and when I get out you have better, if you know what's good for ya, have a warm towel for me hot out of the dryer... and I mean HOT! I will not say it again, so if I were you I'd get those cottage cheese thighs movin' to the laundry room and eat a salad once in a while. But time is money..
Meatwad: Time is money! You give us some money!
Master Shake: ..and my time right now is devoted to laps.
Meatwad: Man, you told him, man. You told him!
Master Shake: Yeah, I know that I did. It's just so easy!

laserlenses5.mp3

Carl: I gotta tell you milkshake, your mouth is really writing some checks that your cup can't cash.
Master Shake: Is that right? Well, then why don't you deposit this in your bank of choice! BOOOOOM!
Carl: NO!
Master Shake: You take it!
Carl: The breakfast nook!
Master Shake: Yeah.
Carl: Ahhh! It was a whole Tuscan theme!

Meatwad: Yeah boy, you did it! WOO!
Master Shake: What? You callin' me boy?
Meatwad: No.
Master Shake: Do I look like a small child to you?
Meatwad: Of course not, of course not. It's a term of endearment. I just.. you know, like "I love you, you love me and we big happy family"... please don't hurt me.
Master Shake: Yes yes, sally forth. Fetch me my floatie, knave.
Meatwad: Aww yeah, boy! I mean... yes sir. Yes sir, I'm doin' that.
Master Shake: Ah, oh! We have talked about this before. I like it at 7, this clearly says 6.8.
Carl: What's gotten into you, cup? You put fertilizer on your balls last night?
Master Shake: Yes, but that is none of your concern AND to clarify, you will speak when spoken to.
Carl: No, I think I speak when I want. It's a free country, jack.
Master Shake: Oh you like to be free, huh? Well feel free, to feel your ass burn!
Carl: Aaaahhhh!!
Master Shake: So young...so naive..

Frylock: You got it? You got the page?
Meatwad: Not really. How do you spell contact?
Frylock: With a "c" Meatwad, with a "c".
Meatwad: So it is with a "c". That's a circle-lookin' one... right? Or the... one with the two sticks crossed?
Frylock: Two sticks crossed?
Meatwad: That's how I remember it... but, y'know, don't pin me down.
Frylock: That's either a "x" or a "k" Meatwad and neither one of those are in that word.
Meatwad: I'm gonna sing a song... I know the song.
Frylock: No no no, Meatwad. Just focus, focus. Look, I need you to focus.
Meatwad: Well look, one of them is my favorite of the letters. You remember when that puppet on the TV said it? And then I turned to you, I said "that's my favorite letter", 'member? 'member? Aww damn, I'm gettin' sleepy.
Frylock: Look, just type it in Meatwad, OK? DAMN!

laserlenses6.mp3

Carl: OK, I'm coming out, I'm coming out, I'm coming out, please don't - [Shake fires lasers at Carl's feet] I told you not to shoot! Come on!
Master Shake: Is this a game to you?
Carl: It's not! It's not! Please!
Master Shake: Because it is to me! [Shake fires lasers at bags of take-out food Carl is holding]
Carl: AHHHH! Look, I ordered the Mongolian beef like you said! It was the combination 79, I got the menu right here - you circled it!
Master Shake: And I changed my mind before they got here!
Carl: Look, we can re-order!
Master Shake: I was to receive multiple little corn-cobs, and that is not what I got!
Carl: That aint neccesary! [Shake shoots Carl with lasers]
Carl: [Carl screams in pain] Relax, OK! We... we... we... we... we can re-order!
Master Shake: Your time is running out my friend.
Carl: I'll come back with as much tiny corn as you want. All the mini vegetables, cause I know you need your health!
Master Shake: You keep makin' mistakes, and sooner or later I'm gonna have to put you down.

Frylock: Meatwad, you need to hurry!
Meatwad: Alright, there we go. I got it.
Frylock: You did?
Meatwad: But this computer.. it ain't on. I should've said somethin' to you. I just didn't want to, you know, shatter your dreams. Let's start with the word "contact". How is it spelled?
Frylock: What was that?
Master Shake: That was a mishap... and that will mishappen again and again until I get my mini-corn. Ooo, is that a computer?
Frylock: Shake, you know what it is.
Master Shake: And what is it now? (Zaps computer)
Meatwad: It's all right Frylock, I got the order in. Overnight delivery.
Frylock: You did?!?!
Master Shake: What order?
Meatwad: I got confirmation right here.
Master Shake: Excuse me, order?
Frylock: Aww, yeah! My man! Good job, Meatwad.
Master Shake: What order?

Meatwad: It's that special ice cream I wanted. From Central America. Every day is my birthday now, man!
Frylock: Yeah, okay that's fine, but where are the contact lenses?!
Meatwad: Oh man, yeah.. I don't know what to tell you. We had to make some sacrifices. Did you want some?
Frylock: Appears a little melted to me.
Meatwad: You see, that's how I saved on the shipping.
Master Shake: The ice cream... is bad. It displeases me greatly.

laserlenses7.mp3

Frylock: You know what? You have to go to sleep sometime, Shake, and when you do, I'll be there to pluck out those lenses.
Master Shake: Oh, is that right? (attempts to shoot)
Frylock: Uh huh! See, you're losing energy.
Master Shake: Wait! That is right! Dammit! But the viper still stings, does he not?
Frylock: No, not really.

laserlenses8.mp3

Master Shake: I got an idea. I'm gonna catch some Z's and for your sake I hope it doesn't rain.. and Carl, when I get up the sheets had better be different. Because your Lawrence Taylor linen set is not a sexual turn-on.. when I'm jerkin' off in your bed.
Carl: He was a champion!
Master Shake: YEAH!
Carl: You go touch those sheets, you're gonna be pullin' back a stump!
Master Shake: All over your precious waterbed!
Carl: I'm gonna get you cup, if it's the last thing I do!
Master Shake: Yes, I'm sure you will.. and by "sure" I mean I highly doubt.

Meatwad: Yeah, I think I'm gonna take a nap too.
Frylock: Wait a minute--wait!
Meatwad: Y'all have a good one, okay? I'll catch ya on the flip.
Frylock: Meatwad wait!
Meatwad: Wait on what?! Look, I told you, I am sleepy, boy. What do you want from me?
Frylock: Get the key. Get the key from Shake, he's got it on him!
Master Shake: Oo no! The lenses!

laserlenses9.mp3

Frylock: Meatwad? Meatwad, is that you? Thank god! Did you get the key?
Meatwad: I got what I need... and now I think I'm gonna tell you what I want. Yeah, that look good!
Carl: Oh, Meatman, you took his friggin' eyeballs out. Ugh! That's intense!
Frylock: Yeah, you didn't have to take his eyeballs, man. Damn!
Meatwad: Yeah, I did.
Master Shake: Okay fools! I have re-energized and you will be receiving the dividends of my constant laser spanking. Where are you? And I'm only gonna ask that once. My second question is where the fuss are my eye -- (shot by Frylock)
Frylock: (Pulls out laser glasses) Forgot I had these in my pocket; and they still work!
Meatwad: (shoots Frylock's glasses) And now you don't! (Shoots monocle) BOOYA! And the spare!

Carl: You know, you oughta just go ahead and get the corrective surgery.
Frylock: I heard it messes with your night vision, you know?
Meatwad: I've heard good things about it, though. Think not havin' to have that saline, not havin' to keep up your glasses.
Master Shake: Listen, the technology's improved. It's hard to say no to.
Frylock: It's so expensive though.
Carl: Yeah, but it's gone down the past couple years. This one cousin of mine, you know Terry, he ain't a medical doctor. He's self-taught though. He passes the savings onto you.

Frylock: Well, I can see perfectly. What do you think?
Carl: I'm repulsed.. yet attracted to you. Gonna show me a little cleave? Yeah, I'm good with that.
Terry: Yeah, I do good work. Come on, show them how you look at stuff!
Frylock: I do have to open my bra to see. But I got no problem with that.
Terry: See that? I do top-notch work.
Master Shake: So did you..um.. I'm not interested, but did he add the lasers for ya?
Frylock: How's that article coming?
Master Shake: Interesting. Very in depth. Very fascinating, I'm reading about Margo-- Who am I kidding?! I can't see it! Who took my eyes?! My precious beautiful eyes!

laserlenses10.mp3

Terry: Hey who's the friggin' cup? Is this Master Shake?
Master Shake: That's me!
Terry: What are we knockin' out today?
Master Shake: Uhh. Penis extension. Maximum legally allowable!
Terry: We don't do that, come on! What kind of an operation do you think I run here? This is a legitimate medical... van. This is a van.
Master Shake: Well then I guess I'll have to do it myself. Thanks a lot! Asshole! (Later; hitting Meatwad with his wiffleball bat-penis) What's the matter? Jealous? Huh? Feel the texture! YEAH!