Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 70 - Robots Everywhere

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robotseverywhere1.mp3

Carl: So, very roomy over here. You know, you got the vaulted...well, it's not vaulted ceilings, but you could do that if you wanted to. You know, put your flat screen TV there if you can afford one of them. Uh, you know, I can so, uh, you know don't judge me. But, uh, bars on the windows cause, you know, we get so much homeless traffic through here. It's uh...(gun shot) they'll see that plasma screen and they'll break down the wall like a bunch of zombies. And, uh, don't ever go into the attic. I just nail that door shut. Uh. You don't wanna see what's up there.

Carl: Hey, you got kids? If I were married to her, We'd be popping them out!
Man: We got two monkeys.
Carl: Yeah, that might be a problem here. See..

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Carl: Uh, they ain't got no bathroom here, but they go a hole in the plywood that goes all the way down to the crawlspace, and there's plenty of room down there. Uh, they got this old pizza there to block off the aroma. Your wife's pretty hot man. How much do you make a year?
Man: You have some manners.

Man: Who lived here before?
Carl: Uh, just some residents, you know. I'm not talking about them. And over here, my dear, you can undress right here on this 'X' you know, don't, you know, got to be on that spot. Uh, and, you know, you got to do it there. So, when can we plan on you moving in?
Lady: Look, we really need to discuss this.
Carl: No, I understand. I understand. Take your time. Take your time. I need an answer in the next 5 minutes, but take your time.

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Lady: I don't really feel safe here... I think it's perfect!
Man: You think it's perfect? I think it's perfecter! Check out that hole in the floor!
Lady: It's so old world!

Lady: Did you know pooping standing up is chic?
Man: Get ahold of yourself. We're ready to make an offer.
Lady: It smells like hot garbage pizza.
Man: Let's just pay the asking price -- cash.
Lady: That is really smart.
Man: Carl, we love this house. (Both get melted by Robots)
Robot husband: We love the house. We keep passing the sign from quadrant 9.
Robot Wife:This is perfect. It suits our every need, want, and desire. How much is the house? Please say a very low number.
Carl: Uh.
Robot husband: Hey, kids, check it out -- pizza. Hey, there's pizza in here! I'm not saying it twice! All of you, now!
Robot kid: Pizza!
Robot kid: Pizza!
Robot kid: Pizza! pizza! pizza!
Robot husband: Yes, pizza, blocking the aroma chamber.
Robot Wife: Unleash the mighty odor!
Carl: Hang on! hang on! Hang on a second! We got a very high selling price on this, so, uh, you know, I don't know that you can afford it.
Robot husband: Yeah, we have nothing, and you're gonna like it.
Carl: Well, uh, like this -- it ain't got no bathroom.
Robot husband: We have no need for bathrooms. The universe is our bathroom.
Robot kid: The universe is my bathroom.
Robot Wife: We deposit oil into the atmosphere when we get nervous -- standard robot protocol.
Carl: Well, look, I mean, rooms are pretty tight, you know? I mean, you got all them screaming robots to keep, um -- are they multiplying over there?
Robot kid: Yeah! yeah! Hey, yeah!
Robot husband: Hey, you don't worry about us. We have no need for space.

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Carl: Alright, well, uh... gas. That's right, gas leaking in the house.
Robot Wife: Gas is out favorite flavor!
Robot husband: Yeah, that works for us. Yeah, gas is an aphrodisiac for us.
Robot wife: It turns us on sexually!
Robot kid: Yay, da!
Robot husband: Yeah, this is a match; this works for us.
Carl: Well, you know... two people were murdered here!
Robot husband: Yeah, we killed them.

Carl: Well, yeah, I mean, they might try to haunt your house, you know? You don't know that.
Robot husband: Nonsense! Everything's perfect! We live here now!
Robot kid: Yay!
Robot husband: Who are you?
Carl: Well, I'm the, uh, I'm the realtor. And, uh, I got to say, I'm putting my foot down. I need proof of, uh -- you know, you got a job, man?
Robot husband: I have no credit, no savings, and I'm between opportunities.
Robot wife: But I must warn you -- he is lazy.
Robot husband: Extremely lazy.
Carl: Then I think we're gonna have us a little problem. (Marcula breaks in through the window) Okay, I got to go.
Marcula: Carl.
Carl: Oh. Oh, hey, Marcus.
Marcula: Marcula. Stop trying to sell my house.
Carl: Okay, no. I-I was just showing this group of machines all the -- all the features.
Marcula: Did you show them the gas leak?
Carl: Yeah, no, I-I pointed that out first, and they're all over it.
Marcula: And I love robots. Sold to this group of machines.
Robot husband: Yay!
Robot wife: Yes!
Robot husband: I need this door taken down. The floor -- don't need it. End of tomorrow, this wall will be down. Knock it down. This leave -- I like this one. Move this over an inch. No, not move -- just gone. Gone.
Marcula: Carl, have you seen the deadbeats around -- you know, the food?

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Carl: Nah, they left during the middle of the night.
Marcula: Because I had demons drag them off into the night. I'm not going to fix a gas leak for them. Now, at this very moment, they are being cocooned by military spiders in a cave in the Mojave Desert. That's what I do to a-holes!

Marcula: But not to you. I would never do that to you. You are welcome to live here forever and ever. Now...feast!
Carl: Feast on what, man?
Robot husband: Invisible robot meat -- my favorite!
Robot wife: Kids, invisible robot meat!
Robot kid: Yeah, robot meat!
Robot kid: Robot meat!
Robot kid: Robot meat!
Robot kid: Robot meat!
Carl: All right, if you all need anything -- anything at all, do not -- do not come next door.

Robot husband: Carl. Carl. Hey, carl.

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Robot husband: Carl!
Carl: (screams)
Robot husband: We can't sleep.
Robot Wife: Can you?
Carl: Get out of my friggin house!
Robot husband: No, I want some water.
Robot wife: Yes, we all want water.
Robot kids: Yay! Water!
Carl: Alright, fine! Get some in the bathroom, and then get out of here!
Robot husband: Robots don't drink water, use your brain!

Robot husband: You've failed test number one.
Carl: What are you talking about, man?
Robot husband: You will pass, or else!
Carl: Or else what? (Zaps Carl) Aah! my shoulder hair!
Robot husband: Come on, kids. Chubby is grumpy.
Robot kid: Chubby's grumpy.
Carl: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Do the other one. At least, make it even. (Zaps him again) Aah! now get out of here! Hey, Ma. It's carl. How are you doing? well, Ma, thinkin' about packing my bags and planning a trip to that really, uh, dark, dismal V.A. hospital you live at.
Robot wife: Carl, come outside!
Robot husband: Come here!
Carl: Oh, no, no, no. I'll -- I'll bring a cot. I won't lay in bed with you.
Robot husband: Come here.
Robot wife: Carl!
Carl: I need a change of scenery, you know, and I love to see my favorite woman.
Robot husband: Say 'Bye'!
Robot wife: Hang up, Carl!
Carl: What do you mean "tomorrow's physical therapy"?
Robot husband: Come on, Carl.
Carl: It's Carl, your son.
Robot wife: Carl!
Carl: Yeah, the one with the moustache.
Robot husband: Carl, come on out!
Carl: Oh, is that right? Then you, too, you bitch!
Robot husband: Carl, I've been calling you. So um..

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Robot husband: Yeah, I need some water.
Robot wife: Yes, I'm completely parched!
Robot husband: Yeah, we all crave water!
Robot kids: Yay! Water!
Carl: But I thought you robots don't drink water?
Robot husband: No, but sometimes we do. We, uh... that was the, you know there's a hole in the uhm... dammit, he passed!

Robot wife: Now dear, just take it easy.
Robot husband: I'll see you in an hour!!

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Carl: (dials number) Come one, pick up, man. Pick up, pick up, pick up.
Frylock: (answering machine) Hi, this is Frylock. I'm not able to answer your call right now because I'm currently being cocooned by military spiders in a cave in the Mojave Desert. At the sound of the tone...
Master Shake: (answering machine) At the sound of the tone? Wouldn't it just be "at the tone"?
Frylock: (answering machine) Shut up, Shake. I like to be thorough, ok?
Carl: (hangs up) Dammit, dammit!

Robot husband: Has it been an hour yet?
Carl: No!
Robot husband: I'm so sorry, I'm so rude! (House is now destroyed) I have peeled this house like a banana, and still nothing! Where could he have possibly gone? There's absolutely nothing to do!
Robot wife: Now-now honey, we still have the tests.
Robot husband: Well I guess I won't get to do them, will I? All my work, down the space-drain. (Spots Carl) Something moved..inside the car! Test the knob.
Robot wife: Locked!!
Robot husband: Damn him. The glass is tinted and impenetrable! (Jumps on the Car)
Carl: All right, all right, I'm comin' out, I'm comin' out! Get off there! I had to friggin' special order that.
Robot husband: Oh! How's it goin'? Where you been, man?
Carl: Uhh. I been on the moon!
Robot husband: Okay, the moon. Wow. ...Apply the diodes! (Places donut on Carl's head) You will feel no pain.
Robot wife: You will feel no pain!
Robot husband: But you must sit very still.
Robot wife: You must sit very still!

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Robot husband: Ring this bell when the flies come.
Robot wife: Ring this bell when the flies come!
Carl: Okay. Is this, uh, is this a test?
Robot husband: Yeah, it's a test, sure. See you in one hour!
Carl: Okay, I got a bee, does a bee count? Hey, hey!
Robot husband: No, no. Only flies.
Robot wife: Only flies!
Robot husband: We have had legendary arguments with flies!
Carl: (ringing bell) Hey, look! Insects! I did good, right?
Robot husband: Yeah, again, not flies. Why didn't you call flies like I asked?
Carl: Well you didn't tell me to call the friggin--
Robot husband: Yeah, I did. That's why we gave you the bell.
Carl: Alright, lets be clear about this. You told me to use the bell when the flies showed up, not to use the bell to call the flies!
Robot Husband: Silly human! See? (rings bell and nothing happens) I'm pretty sure the flies are on their way!

Robot Husband: You failed the final test! And now you die.
Carl: No, no, no, no, no. I still got one more test here. I got a test for you.
Robot Husband: We don't-- We don't take tests.
Carl: Yeah, but this one is super easy. It's called uh..

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Carl: Count the bullets.
Robot husband: Well, we're not good at math.
(gun shooting)
(shooting stops)
Robot husband: 15,943. Do more! More! They are like vitamins to us!
Carl: Yeah.
(Shooting continues)