Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 68 - Carl Wash

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carlwash1.mp3

Meatwad: Hey, here's one. (reading) Looking for dollars? Are you gullible and stupid as hell? You may qualify to be part of our dangerous experiment. Bring your resume, wallet, social security, ATM and all credit cards to Carl's Car Wash. Minorities need not apply, or we gonna sue your balls to the wall. (stops reading) That sounds promising.
Master Shake: That job is perfect for you!

Meatwad: Aw, come on get your car wash on, come on. Get your car washed. Get it on. Come on, get your car wash on. Sensei say, wax on, wax off. Hot dog, we want you to get your car washed! Hey, look at this igloo! Now go on and get your car washed! Come on, y'all. Somebody get a car wash. (Hit with a drink from a passing car) Thanks for the beverage!
Carl Brain: Meatwad, report to brain quarters. Meatwad, report to brain quarters.
Meatwad: Oh, shoot. I'm in it now.
Carl Brain: We've been open six months and had not one customer.
Carl Jr: (Unintelligible high-pitched squeaking)
Meatwad: You don't think it's -- it ain't my dancing, is it?
Carl Brain: Yes, it is your dancing.
Carl Jr: (More squeaking)

carlwash2.mp3

Carl Brain: Show me your shapes!
Meatwad: Oh, I got a ton. Here, check this out. Hotdog, Igloo, Igloo, Hotdog, Igloo, Igloo, Igloo, Igloo.
Carl Brain: Those are not enough shapes! No one will wash their car here because of you!

Meatwad: I got more shapes. I mean, come on. I know all sorts of shapes. I better go home and practice me some shapes.
Carl Brain: Yes, you will!
Carl Jr: Yes you will, you better go now. You better go! you better go!

Meatwad: Okay, here we go. Here comes a chair. (Turns into a hotdog) Close enough.
Frylock: What are you doing, Meatwad?
Meatwad: Trying to get into shape. Some other shape other than hot dog or igloo. I can't think of nothing here.
Frylock: Uh. You know, there's more than just those two shapes.
Meatwad: There is?
Frylock: Let's try this one. an octagon.
Meatwad: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that Chuck Norris movie?
Master Shake: That ain't Chuck Norris.
Frylock: And it's not an octagon either.
Master Shake: Hey, do Octopussy.
Meatwad: Oh. Like this here? That's what I'm talking about.
Master Shake: There you go. (Cat purr)

carlwash3.mp3

Frylock: You know what? I gotta go take a dump.

Meatwad: Oh, I don't know. All these shapes just freakin' hurtin' my kidneys. Why can't people just like me for me?
Master Shake: But sadly, no one does. Not even the President. He's a great guy, though.
Meatwad: Look here, if I don't come up with some new shapes, I'm gonna lose my damn job. He says he don't need me; I'd be the first to go.
Master Shake: I have an idea. That will cost you $20 dollars.

carlwash4.mp3

Meatwad: (rings doorbell)
Carl: What do you want?
Master Shake: Get your car washed.
Meatwad: Get your car washed. Uh, uh. Get your car washed. Uh, uh.
Master Shake: Or you're a dumbass. Gonna get your ass whooped.
Meatwad: Or you a dumbass. Gonna get your ass whooped.
Master Shake: Right here and now.
Meatwad: Right here and now.
Master Shake: Really emphasize the now. I mean, you're, you're mad with this guy.
Meatwad: Right here and now, boy!
Master Shake: Now shove him, physically.
Carl: Nah, that's not necessary. Very thoughful though, but uh, ya know, up yours.

Carl: 'Cause 2 wycked don't need no wash right now. I just hit it with a chamois. She's gleaming like the freakin' sun.
Meatwad: Okay. Drop the load!
Master Shake: Yeah!
Meatwad: So, can I pencil you in for an appointment?

Meatwad: Y'all a bunch of dumbasses gonna get your ass whooped! Then you go in there and get your car washed! Oops! nice throw, wussy. Oh, dang it.
Carl Brain: Meatwad, report to brain quarters. Meatwad, report to brain quarters. We have a customer! I repeat, we have a customer!
Carl: Better be free, little meat man.
Meatwad: Oh, Carl, it is, believe me.
Carl: I want the UV with the triple foam protectorant, and the carnauba wax. the good stuff.
Meatwad: You just don't even worry about it. Just sit back on that gurney, and, you know, suck from that mask, and relax.
Carl: Alright then. This is very comfortable here. Wearing the paper gown's a little off-putting but, uh, you know, I'll go with it.

carlwash5.mp3

Meatwad: When we do the interior we like to enhance it with an aroma. Do you have a favorite aroma you would like to pick? We'd love to facilitate that.
Carl: You got uh, you got Pina Colada?
Meatwad: No, I'm afraid not, sir.
Carl: No Pina Colada? Ok, uh, how about, uh... strawberry boobs?
Meatwad: Nah, we ain't got that either. What we do have is athletes foot, bloated beach cod, and stank breath.
Carl: Go through the list again.

Meatwad: Oh, here we go.

carlwash6.mp3

Meatwad: This is the first part of our patented three-step treatment.
Carl: Yeah, that kinda looks like your sorta slingin' dirt on it.
Meatwad: What it--What it actually is is dumpster juice, which is sorta like a combination of rain water and garbage. Very acidic. Very harsh on the paint job.
Carl: And why are we doing this again?
Meatwad: It's just a pre-coat. I mean obviously we need to prep the outer-coat for, you know, the cat urine.

Meatwad: And of course the hammers.
Carl: What the frick are you doin'?!
Meatwad: Look Carl, let's just lay back down and relax okay? (Puts mask on Carl)
Carl: Whadda? Whadda?
Meatwad: Let's allow the mystery gas to do its work. And don't worry, we totally redo the paint in a color of our own choosing.
Carl: Ehh, whatever. I'm easy.

carlwash7.mp3

Carl Brain: Hello Carl. I too, am Carl. And this is my son, Carl Jr. We are all Carl.
Carl: Neat.
Carl Brain: Yes, neat. Remove his brain!

(Carl is brainless, licking his car.)
Master Shake: I wonder if you can get the whole thing in your mouth.
Frylock: Hey, Meatwad. How's the job going?
Meatwad: Ehh. Just okay.
Frylock: Carl washed his car there, didn't he? You got your first customer, right?
Meatwad: Yeah, but..
Frylock: But what?
Meatwad: I'm having some reservations about this work. And some nightmares.
Frylock: Nightmares?
Meatwad: There was a time in my life when I thought dancin' in front of the car wash that'd be the only thing I'd ever want to do. I don't know, the way these people wash cars...I just don't even know anymore.
Frylock: Well, Carl seems happy with it. ..Is he licking it?
Meatwad: Yeah, he been doin' that all morning, I'm afraid.

carlwash8.mp3

Master Shake: You know, Snakes, in the wild of course, have to unhinge their jaw to eat a car. I think the trouble with you is that you have all that skin around your mouth. (hands Carl a knife)
Frylock: Shake?!

Master Shake: What? He's doin' it!

carlwash9.mp3

Frylock: Carl?
Carl: Carl?
Frylock: Carl?
Carl: Carl?
Frylock: Oh no!
Carl: Oh no!
Frylock: Someone's taken Carl's brain!
Carl: Someone's taken Carl's brain!
Meatwad: That is what I've been trying to tell you.
Frylock: Really? Well you haven't been very specific about it!
Meatwad: I know! I haven't!

Meatwad: Because, they says if I tell no one, I'm gonna lose my job dancin' in front of the car wash.
Frylock: Well I tell you what, it's a little late for that because we're gonna do something about it right now!
Meatwad: Look-look here. We can keep this cool. Between us! 'Cause look, this is the third job I lost this week.
Frylock: Come on, we're gonna go get us a car wash.
Meatwad: Are you outta your mind? They take your brain out over there!
Frylock: I know that!
Carl: Take your brain out over there. Here, I got a coupon.
Meatwad: That's okay, Carl, I got the employee discount. A free triple-foam polish with the UV protectorant.
Frylock: Come on, Shake.
Master Shake: Come on with you! I'm trying to create a show, here.
Carl: I'm a show.
Meatwad: What time the show come on?

carlwash10.mp3

Carl Brain: Brain slave, report to brain quarters. Brain slave, kindly report to brain quarters. Brain Slave!

Carl Brain: The new brain slave refuses to report to brain quarters!
Carl Jr: Ain't nothing but a brain, Dad.
Carl Brain: As are we, son. And we do our job!
Carl Jr: You right, Daddy. You right!
Carl Brain: Go on and fetch this brain slave, and kindly ask him to be on bug removal! Permanently!
Carl Jr: (Horn honks) Customer, daddy!
Carl Brain: Get my blue fright wig at once! Greet them with a smile, son. A hard plastic smile.
Carl Jr: We got a free dashboard cleaning, get the lint balls off your car, you get a free tire shine! You'll get all that with a free brain removal.
Carl Brain: Moron, do not tell them!
Carl Jr: I meant--you know, I meant to say car wash.
Carl Brain: Now gas them! quickly!
Frylock: Look, I just came by to tell you that I've told the police about your little brain-operation here.
Meatwad: Yeah, and they didn't believe us.
Frylock: No, they didn't.
Carl Brain: Then we shall call them and show them pictures!
Carl Jr: Smart idea, pop. That's a good idea, Daddy.
Carl Brain: It is a very good idea.

carlwash11.mp3

Frylock: Where's Carl's Brain?
Carl Brain: I am Carl Brain.
Frylock: No, Carl's brain.
Carl Brain: I am Carl Brain.
Frylock: No, no, no, no, no diferent...different Carl, okay?
Carl Brain: I am Carl Brain.
Frylock: My friend Carl, his brain!
Carl Brain: Behind you!

Master Shake: Is that Carl's brain? over there? On the expressway?
Carl Brain: Beware, for it will immediately seize you upon my command, and your mind will be enslaved to forever polish the chrome at this wash -- car wash.
Frylock: This is retarded.
Carl Jr: Oh, he called you retarded, Daddy. Oh, that ain't gonna stand!
Carl Brain: Stop him at once. From calling me retarded.
Carl Jr: Too late, he did it. He got away.
Master Shake: Go eat your brain now, Carl.
Carl Brain: Oh look at that. It's dinner time.
Frylock: Oh no you don't. Where do you think you're going?
Carl Brain: Home, now get out of here. We are closed. We open at 10 tomorrow.