Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 60 - Handbanana

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Meatwad: You know what? I want a dog.
Frylock: Well let's go make one.
Master Shake: Frylock, I want some money
Frylock: Well then get a job!
Master Shake: He gets to-he-he gets what he wants! Just make it for him!
Frylock: With "Make You Own Dog 1.0" All you need is this software, some imagination and a 55,000 gallon radioactive nuclear cooling facility.
Meatwad: Where we gonna get one of them?

handbanana1.mp3

Master Shake: Have you seen what they're doing back there?
Carl: What're you talking about? Back where?
Master Shake: I'm telling!
Carl: Telling on who...what?
Master Shake: Meatwad and Frylock! They told me not to tell anyone, but I'm tellin you!
Carl: Why, what're they doing?

handbanana2.mp3

Meatwad: It ain't working.
Frylock: Oh, let's see.
Meatwad: I'm gonna break it.
Frylock: Oh, you're supposed to add DNA.
Meatwad: What's a DNA?
Carl: It stands for "Do Not Enter My Pool..Assman"
Master Shake: See? See what they're doing? I don't know even knows!

handbanana3.mp3

Frylock: Carl, do me a favor and spit in that pool.
Carl: Oh, you mean MY pool?
Meatwad: Oh, is this your pool?
Carl: Yeah, it is.
Meatwad: Can I go swimming?
Carl: No, you may not.
Master Shake: How about if I swim in it?
Carl: No.
Meatwad: Do you mind if we make a dog in it?
Carl: Yeah, I do mind very much if that's cool.
Master Shake: Yeah, he does mind.
Frylock: You haven't been usin' it
Carl: That's not the point, is it?!
Master Shake: He's going to very soon!
Carl: Just cause I haven't been using it doesn't mean like.. "Here, turn it into a dog laboratory".

Frylock: Come on, Carl, we'll be done with this dog in a minute. See, look, uh, wait a minute, that's weird. I don't think we ever put any DNA in there.
Master Shake: Hey, surf's up!
Frylock: No, Shake!
Master Shake: What, guy can't splash?
Water starts shimmering with electricity
Meatwad: Alright, my dog's ready!
Frylock: Well, look at that.
Master Shake: Now that's a dog.
Meatwad: Look at him, he's so cute! Yes he is, yes he is!

handbanana4.mp3

Frylock: So, whatcha gonna name him?
Master Shake: Call him something cute like Mister something. Like Mister Balls! Or how bout a.. Ooo! Thunder Pussy!
Meatwad: Shut up, I got a name. And it's...hand...banana. Come here, Handbanana. Come here boy.
Master Shake: All those good ones and that's the one you take?
Meatwad: You the sweetest best boy in the whole world. Yes you are.
Carl: Yeah, I gotta admit, he is kinda cute.

handbanana5.mp3

Handbanana: Tonight...you...
Carl: Heheh, what do you think he means? "Tonight, you" Like he's threatenin' me or somethin'.
Master Shake: Who the hell are you talkin' to, tubs?
Carl: Frickin' Handbanana over there. He said, "Tonight, you!" Heheh
Master Shake: Come on, Carl. He's a dog.

Dog licking himself
Master Shake: See!
Handbanana: Yeah, I'm just a dog.
Master Shake: Look at him.
Handbanana: Keep it up, Carl, they may just haul you off.
Carl: You hear him, he's pretty funny. Heh heh.
Meatwad: Come on, Handbanana, let's play and get out here and away from the creepy man.
Handbanana: Remember...tonight.

Meatwad: Here you go, boy! Come on! Come on boy! (Frylock throws Meatwad) Fetch, boy, fetch! (Meatwad rolls back) Alright, that was fun! Let's do it again.

handbanana6.mp3

Master Shake: Oh, great! Looks like our canine friend left a little present here on my chair. Yep, someone delivered some baked goods. How did he know I love baked goods?! Look at these, they look delicious!
Frylock: I don't know. Maybe he's a pastry chef.

Frylock: Well would you look at that! He is a pastry chef!
Master Shake: Mmm! These baguettes are so fresh! I mean these must've just come out of the oven! Mmm! Excuse me. You know, that dog has really brought this family together. He's really a good dog.

handbanana7.mp3

Carl: What the hell? No, no, no, no, no.. Bad boy, bad boy. You live over there. Go..go back to the freaks.
Handbanana: Who you callin' boy? My name is Handbanana.
Carl: Wha.. You talkin' to me here or..
Handbanana: No, not anymore. (slams door) We're done talking.
Carl: Hang on, let me bend over and pick this thing up. Handbanana, no!

Frylock: Your new dog is one of a kind. He will roam the earth looking for a match long after your dead and watch out your new dog may try to mind link with certain members of your family. Heh, good luck with that.
Meatwad: He ain't never mind linked with me, he's a good boy.
Master Shake: Well I'll tell you what, as long as I get these muffins I don't give a crap what he does.

handbanana8.mp3

Master Shake: He's a winner in my book. In fact, I'm gonna make a couple dogs tonight! Start a restaurant with 'em. Call it "Dogs". I'm gonna work on that name, too, cause that does not seem good to me.

Meatwad: There's a Handbanana, good boy!

handbanana9.mp3

Carl: He's not a boy anymore. He's a man...cause he just raped me!
Handbanana: You think you could back that up?
Carl: Listen to this guy...can back that up.. I got bruises to prove it!
Handbanana: No, no. I mean that ass. Back it up.. Yeah..
Carl: You hear what he's sayin' here?!

Handbanana: Sounds like someone wants to get raped again.
Frylock: Come on, Carl, he hasn't even been here one day. How could he possibly learn the English language?
Handbanana: See, all I know is ball, good.. and rape!
Carl: Yeah you know it well; I bend over for the remote and boom! You're there.
Handbanana: Watch this. (Whines)
Meatwad: I'm sorry, Carl, but I think that you need to leave.

handbanana10.mp3

Meatwad: You upsettin' Handbanana.
Carl: Yeah, well you know he upset me pretty bad too. I don't know if I can sleep anymore. You ever been raped by a dog?!
Meatwad: Huh-uh.
Carl: See, I think that's what hell is like, you know. Constantly raped by dogs.
Frylock: Carl..
Carl: I mean, I don't know if I believe in God, but I think he must hate me!
Frylock: Carl!
Carl: Cause he allowed you to create a dog that constantly rapes me!

Frylock: Ok Carl, thats it, just go home.
Handbanana: Yeah just go on home.
Frylock: You need to just go home and lie down for a while.
Handbanana: Mmm. Face down.
Carl: If I see that dog again, he's dead.
Handbanana: Yeah, bye bye.
Carl: He's dead!
Handbanana: Okay, see ya.

Carl: (Answers phone) Hello?
Handbanana: (Speaking as Frylock) Hey Carl, it's Frylock. Look I sent Handbanana to the pound, okay? I figured hell, if he is raping you, then he is a bad dog.
Carl: Good, he's a freakin' menace, and, uh, you know, technically he's supposed to be spayed and he ain't that, ha ha, I know that first hand. Go ahead ask me how I know, go ahead ask me, ask me how I know.
Handbanana: Oh, Carl, hold on one second, okay? (Licks himself) Mmm! Mmm! Okay I'm back, look, you don't need to worry about Handbanana anymore, so, uhhh, what are you wearing?
Carl: What the hell are you talking about?
Handbanana: Nothin', nothin' just an idle question. Okay here comes Frylock.
Frylock: Hello?

handbanana11.mp3

Carl: Oh man. That is a load off my mind. Knowing that rapist is gone. Man, feel good out here. Might just..get nude! Heheheh. Shine some sun where the sun don't shine, you know what I mean?! Heheheh ...long past the point of carin' on this.

Handbanana: You, uh, basting that turkey today?
Carl: Uh, what's that?
Handbanana: It's time to take your temperature, see if the meat's just right. (Rapes Carl)
Carl: NO! NO!

Meatwad: 1,2,1,2
Master Shake: Yeah, baby. Pearl it! Pearl! You cut my pearl, bitch!
Meatwad: I totally did pearl 2.
Carl: Where's Handbanana?
Meatwad: I don't know, Carl. I'm busy right now just sort of set my drink right behind me here.
Carl: I got a little present for your dog next time he shows up and tries to make unwanted sexual advances towards me. He's gonna get stuck, cause I filled every orafice of my body with wacky glue.
Frylock: Well that's a stupid thing to do, Carl.
Carl: What? I said I filled every orafice of my body with wacky glue. Hey, you got something to drink? I feel like my throat's kinda dry. I put a bunch of wacky glue in there. And now it's kinda closin up, call 911! (Handbanana gives Carl CPR) No, no! He's about to rape me.
Frylock: No, Carl, see look.
Carl: He's gonna rape me!
Frylock: He's an expert on CPR. He saved your life.
Handbanana: You alright big guy?
Carl: Yeah, I think so.
Handbanana: Good, cause tonight...you.
Frylock: Go home and get some rest.
Handbanana: Yeah, don't wait up, I'll be there soon enough.
Carl: Oh I'll be waitin', you just bring it on big man.

handbanana12.mp3

Carl: See, you don't know what rape is like. For years, I thought it was funny. Oh yeah! Rape's so funny. Until you've been raped. You're about to find out what that's like, Handbanana
Handbanana: Hey, let's think about this.
Carl: Oh, we're done thinking. Cause see, everything I think, you're there. Haunting my dreams.
Handbanana: Come on now, I can be good.
Carl: No, see I don't think that you can.

handbanana13.mp3

Carl: Handbanana, I want you to meet The Enforcer.
Spaghetti: I want my name to be Spaghetti.
Carl: All right, Spaghetti. Whatever, I don't care. Just, you know, just do what I tell you.
Spaghetti: What the hell are you lookin' at?
Carl: I'm your father. I just made you.
Spaghetti: I got your father right here! Heheheh. I got your daddy!
Carl: All right, enough talkin' with the dogs here..

Carl: Spaghetti I want you to show Handbanana the night of his life. (Spaghetti jumps out and bites Handbanana.) There you go, rape him! Rape him like he raped me! (They stop fighting) Do it! Do it! What are you waitin on?!?
Spaghetti: Ah I'm not really, not attracted to him.
Carl: What the hell do mean, you're not attracted to him? Go ahead and rape him.

handbanana14.mp3

Spaghetti: I don't know.. I'm done with that. Somethin' about you though.. It just seems like we click or something. Feels comfortable. You know what I'm saying?
Carl: Uh, well, yeah... I mean, I don't know about that.. I did create you from some of them weird hairs, you know, that grow out of the bottom of my feet..
Spaghetti: Wow, I got those too! You're like the only other person that I heard of that got those! Hey, we got a lot in common here. ...I'm gonna rape you!
Carl: No, no, please! Spaghetti no!

Master Shake: Wow, you don't see that every day.
Frylock: (Looking at box of Dog software) This software is illegal in over 80 countries, you should never try to make your own dog. Okay, lock the doors. (Shake starts to masturbate)
Frylock: Come on, Shake, nobody wants to see that! Go in your room!
Master Shake: I don't have a room!