Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 56 - Dirt Foot

Click on the filename above the transcription to download the clip. Enjoy!

dirtfoot1.mp3

TV Announcer: Next week on Bruno Sardine: Private Imbreastigator..
Woman: Oh, baby. You were stung by a bee.
Bruno: I know. And it hurts..
Woman: Oh, no Bruno!
Master Shake: OH MY!
Woman: My top magically came off!
TV Announcer: That's next week on Bruno Sardine: Private Imbreastigator!

Frylock: Shut that crap off.
Master Shake: But this is Bruno Sardine!
Frylock: I know who it is, Shake. The porno detective who keeps hurting himself so he can get laid.
Master Shake: Here!

dirtfoot2.mp3

Master Shake: Cut me in half, quick!
Frylock: No, Shake..
Master Shake: But her top came off, magically!!
Meatwad: What are those things? I wanna get some.
Frylock: It's just TV, okay. TV!
Master Shake: Look, I am perfectly aware of the difference between the TV and the flesh world we live in. Like from Videodrome, right? You seen it?
Meatwad: Frylock, what is it to "laid" someone?

Master Shake: It's got Blondie! Ho! Let me tell you where she ain't a blonde!
Frylock: Go to bed!
Master Shake: I will! ...with women!

Frylock: Shake? Shake, what--what the hell? Yo, Shake!
Master Shake: Hello? Is that you, Frylock?
Meatwad: When did we get a well?
Frylock: What are you doing down there?
Master Shake: I was just going to fetch water for the village. But I must have slipped, and I blacked out.

dirtfoot3.mp3

Master Shake: Where's the women?
Frylock: Where did this well come from?!
Meatwad: Hey Frylock. Where the hell did we get this well?
Frylock: Meatwad, you watch your mouth.

Meatwad: Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh.
Master Shake: C'mon. It's the 'Old Abandoned Well.'

dirtfoot4.mp3

Master Shake: Read the press release!
Frylock: Man falls down old abandoned well.
Meatwad: Hey Frylock.... ass.
Frylock: Meatwad!
Master Shake: There's only a limited number of those so..uh, you know put it back when you're done..
Frylock: Oh, I am done.
Master Shake: And so is my dinner.
Meatwad: Somethin' smells like Chili!
Frylock: He's right..
Master Shake: For the first time in his mealy, frickin' little life. Turns out there's an old abandoned microwave where I got stuck.. with Chili, food...couple magazines.

Master Shake: So, call channel five, get them broads over here, and tell them about the tragedy of my trappedness. Work into it, though. Build it up. Hot women only!

dirtfoot5.mp3

Meatwad: Turn this ass monkey on..full blast.
Frylock: Will you quit sayin' ass!
Meatwad: I just assed you to do somethin' for me.
Frylock: Meatwad, you watch your mouth.
Meatwad: I said "ask"! ..blast hole.

Master Shake: (Laughs)
Meatwad: You hear that?
Master Shake: Florence, you better get that door.
Meatwad: That's the Jeffersons! I wanna go get trapped where he does!
Frylock: No, Meatwad. Nobody's gettin' trapped, okay?
Master Shake: Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa! What're you doin'? I am in a race against time down there with a shattered leg and--does this look shattered? It's gotta look shattered.
Meatwad: Hey.

dirtfoot6.mp3

Meatwad: Go back down there.. I'm gonna dump this soup on ya.
Master Shake: Waayy, ho.. I'm getting crossed signals (gets hit with soup)
Meatwad: Oh, I didn't! Remove the chain: cause that's off it!

Master Shake: That was a good one. So uh, what else you Earth dwellers doing up here? On the surface.
Meatwad: Livin' large, boy! Livin' so large!
Frylock: Just gonna have dinner.
Meatwad: But since, ya know, it's on your face and all. Oh! I did not!

dirtfoot7.mp3

Master Shake: Hey, we could heat this up in ye olde abandoned microwave. I could use some help wiring the old abandoned surround sound system. I got the old abandoned bad boy's box set. Huh? HUH?!
Frylock: What about water, Shake? Any water in that well?
Master Shake: Bottled. Oh yeah, and the old abandoned hot tub.
Frylock: Hot tub? Damn, what else you got down there?
Master Shake: Tons, and tons of rubbers.

Master Shake: Come on, I'll show ya.
Frylock: What do I--just sorta fall down in there, or--?
Master Shake: Yeah, we fall into the old abandoned well, right? Heheh! Come on, we take the elevator! Friggin' thing takes forever. So what's goin' on? Anything?
Meatwad: Livin' large!
Master Shake: You! You take the handicapped rail. Because you handicapped--mentally.
Meatwad: Heheh, yeah. You a sissy!
Master Shake: You're the sissy!! You stupid--
Meatwad: Let's go! Round and round, we'll do it!
Frylock: Will you two just calm down and get your ass in here?!
Meatwad: What floor? All of them? Hahah! Off the chain.
Master Shake: Oh come on! See? I fooled ya. There's only one floor. So, what do you think? You think I oughta make it like my hand is trapped in the old abandoned ice maker? You like this? Brushed metal.
Meatwad: Hey. Who's this old boy.
Master Shake: Ugh. That's my roommate. More like doommate.
Frylock: Wait a minute, that's the legendy dirt monster, Dirtfoot!
Master Shake: Shh. Don't--Don't even look at him.
Meatwad: No! For real? The Dirtfoot?
Master Shake: Yeah! Hey, it was real nice of you not to rinse off your bowls in the sink, Dirtfoot. That's real legendary of you!

dirtfoot8.mp3

Frylock: I always thought Dirt Foot was just a hoax!
Meatwad: Me too.
Master Shake: Oh, no. He is real.
Meatwad: No, He is very real.
Master Shake: And he likes to leave his very real giant sock drapped over the couch like it was a friggin' afghan so that others can enjoy the very real odor of his 2000 year old foot sweat!

Frylock: You do realize that this..is your media story, right?
Master Shake: I'm not givin' it to him! It's about me! I'm about me! And women! Let's go look at--over here. This guy's been drivin' me apesh*t.
Frylock: Well, why don't you just evict him.
Master Shake: Shh!!
Frylock: It's your well.
Master Shake: Shut up, man. Um. Because he hurts me.
Meatwad: You know, I always heard that Dirtfoot was kinda...
Master Shake: Here we go. What Meatwad? What?
Frylock: Well, you know I mean, legend has it that he's uh.. kind've an ***hole.

dirtfoot9.mp3

Master Shake: You see?! I'm not the only one that t-- Ahh!
Frylock: Okay..
Master Shake: It wouldn't be as bad except he keeps kickin' in exactly the same spot.

Frylock: All right, Shake. Well I've seen him. We're going back now.
Master Shake: All right, well look, just please call the media. I get no reception down here. (Gets kicked) WHY MUST YOU KICK?!

TV: Tonight on 'Inappropriate Mysteries of the Jersey Shore', the immortal legend of Dirtfoot.
Master Shake: Ugh. Change it. (Dirtfoot snarls) Change it, change it, change--fu**in' change it, b****. Oh! Now you're blockin' it!

dirtfoot10.mp3

TV: Dirt Foot has long been known to be rude, but the biggest secret of Dirt Foot is that many witnesses claim him to be gay.
Master Shake: WOAH! A little light in the loafer!!
TV: The only known photo of him is at this gay pride parade. ...he's totally gay.
Master Shake: Hey, don't look at me. I don't have the same problem that Jesus has with it. I don't hate you people. We're cool, as long as you don't try to convert me. And I'm lockin' my bedroom door from now on, I can tell you that. Holy-- (gets kicked)

Frylock: Oh it's you. Thank God you're alive. But how?
Master Shake: Shut up! I've got problems, all right? I'm supposed to be gettin' some, big time, on account of my tragedy, but now everyone thinks I'm gay!
Meatwad: Who's everyone?
Master Shake: Well, f***in' Harlem Globetrotters for one. Curly, Meadowlark-- That's why they haven't called!
Frylock: No one thinks you're gay, Shake. Look, it takes time and hard work to become gay. I mean, you need another person to influence your weak emotions.
Master Shake: You know Dirtfoot, down in the well? Hold on-- (Checks outside) Okay. He loves dudes. I so busted him cutting pictures of a Jeep out of a magazine. Then yesterday, he drew my bathwater and he gave me that look like, "Hey. I wear running shorts!"
Meatwad: It's okay, Shake, 'cause whoever you decide that you are, I still gonna love you. But just not in a gay way, 'cause God makes all people in different sizes and shapes and problems, but he only makes the people he hate gay. That's you. You it, boy. You gay!
Master Shake: No, I'm not! You don't know me!
Meatwad: Hey Frylock, what is 'gay'? What does that mean?
Frylock: Look Shake, just because you don't want to admit you like living with a gay person doesn't mean you can't legally marry in the church.
Master Shake: I know. Wait--

dirtfoot11.mp3

Meatwad: Look, the right thing to do is to accept him for his difference. Or you could just cut his head off hide the body in the desert. That'd be different.
Frylock: Meatwad!
Meatwad: Someone's been off the chain again!

Master Shake: Look, just call channel five, get some women over here. Uh..my hand's stuck in the mailbox. All right, let's do this thing. Go!

Master Shake: Help! My hand is stuck in the mailbox! I need help! Assistance! (Dirtfoot helps Shake) Oh, not you! Oh, this looks so bad!

dirtfoot12.mp3

Carl: Oh yeah. They've been pretty much common law married for years. It's cool. I don't have a problem with that. I'm fine with it. I don't think it's, you know, constitutional, but they can do whatever they want, long as they ain't flaunting it out in my yard or nothin'.. cause you know.. I'm a man. Wait, wait. There they are, there they are! They're the gay ones! (Media leaves and rushes Shake)
Master Shake: No pictures!
Carl: Hey, where's my money, here?!

TV: Seen here taking his lover in his arms. You don't have to be gay to like Dirtfoot, you just have to be gay to be Dirtfoot. Or to be Dirtfoot you have to be gay.
Master Shake: Ugh..
TV: I guess what we're saying here at channel five is Dirtfoot is gay. And so is that milkshake.
Master Shake: Wow. This sucks.

dirtfoot13.mp3

Frylock: It's okay, Shake. We know you're not gay.
Master Shake: Thank you, Frylock.
Frylock: So we got ya a little going away present!
Master Shake: Going away?
Meatwad: Hell no, we ain't livin' with no jay person. Is it j- Is it jay? Oh, gay. Gay. Sorry. We ain't living with no gay dude, come on boy.

Master Shake: Well what's the present?
Frylock: You've learned a valuable lesson in tolerance.
Master Shake: Great. So what you're saying is, no present whatsoever.
Frylock: You haven't learned anything at all from this experience, have you?

Old Woman: Sir?
Master Shake: Hey baby!
Old Woman: I'm so sorry. I think I hit your dog--
Master Shake: Check this out!
Frylock: Uh oh.
Old Woman: --with my swords.
Frylock: Uh, that's not a dog.
Master Shake: I'm straight! Look at me! (Cuts himself in half)
Old Woman: Oh no! My top just came off.
Meatwad: Well will you look at that!
Frylock: Uh uh! Don't look, Meatwad.
Meatwad: Well, will you let me look at those?
Old Woman: Oh dear.
Frylock: No. I'll look.

dirtfoot14.mp3