Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 53 - T-Shirt of the Dead

Click on the filename above the transcription to download the clip. Enjoy!

tshirtofthedead1.mp3

Oglethorpe: They are so stuck with that bill, it's not even funny, but I am laughing anyway. Hahaha.
Emory: Ah, man. Are those meat cravers?
Oglethorpe: Well four million of them are. I had some with olive too. I remembered they liked that. I'm not Satan.
Emory: You think maybe they'll get pissed and maybe prank us and order us a bunch of pizzas?
Oglethorpe: No, that's not very good.
Emory: I think I'm getting kinda hungry.
Oglethorpe: Me too. (Teleport to Mooninites Ship) Dudes!

tshirtofthedead2.mp3

Master Shake: Oh, God. How much longer? Egypt is so boring! It doesn't even exist! You don't hear DMX rap about it!
Meatwad: I find that this is highly affiligent and edumacatiamous for my brain because.. I am smart boy.

Master Shake: You tell me how this is gonna help you get a high-powered six-figure job. You think they ask Tom Cruise this stuff before he signs on his movies? No one has to know this, ever!
Frylock: Shake, just go back to the gift-shop and let Meatwad and I enjoy the exhibit, okay?
Master Shake: You need me here! I am a strong counterpoint to the headphones!

tshirtofthedead3.mp3

Meatwad: Hey! Who's this old boy here? Is that DMX?
Frylock: Oh, that's Osiris, the Egyptian god of the dead.
Master Shake: Hey, hey look over here. Look at this. (Flips off Frylock) What's that mean in Egypto?
Meatwad: Well, that's you tellin' me to uh, sit and spin.
Master Shake: Bingo. Now do it.

Frylock: Shut up, Shake, I'm trying to hear this.
Narrator: Legend has it that Osiris, the Egyptian God of the Dead, wore this ancient T-shirt on hot days in his.. under-- in the underworld. It was given to him an ancient--
Master Shake: Oh my God, I am the boringest guy in the world!
Frylock: Shake, shut up!
Narrator: Some say it gave him the power to know and do anything. And that's why most of the dead in the underworld referred to him as an ass.
Frylock: Wow.
Meatwad: Dang. That is some kind of magic t-shirt.
Frylock: Yeah, it is.
Narrator: Now continue to your left and view Egypt's pathetic and ignorant attempt at a cellular phone.
Frylock: Come on, Shake.
Master Shake: You go ahead. I'll be right there.
Meatwad: Look at you. You thinkin' about stealing that shirt, ain't you?
Master Shake: I'm thinking about it, yes. Now take the form of a hammer.
Meatwad: Okay. (Shake steals shirt after smashing display with Meatwad) Now what? (Cops tackle him) Hey, how you doin'?

Master Shake: No, it's mine! No way! I'm keeping this. I had to get him in trouble for this. You think I like getting my friends in trouble?
Frylock: I didn't say that.
Master Shake: You thought it. I read your mind!

tshirtofthedead4.mp3

Meatwad: Oh yeah? Well what am I thinkin'?
Master Shake: Ohh, that's so cute. You're trying to come up with something for me to think of, but you can't. 'Cause your brain is permanently unplugged.
Meatwad: You know, he may be right. I think that that t-shirt does work.

Frylock: Well Shake, I do know that you're going to take that t-shirt back.
Master Shake: But this gives me the power to know it all!
Meatwad: Well back there you said it gave you the power to read minds. So which is it?
Master Shake: Umm. I don't know.
Meatwad: But you said, that you know it all. And now you say you don't know?
Master Shake: It has powers, okay? Everyone, okay? And now you're gonna say that it smells like ass.
Frylock: Because it does smell like ass, man! That t-shirt is over 5 million years years old!
Meatwad: You know what I'm thinking? That you need to wash the ass out of that shirt.
Master Shake: Well who better to wash the ass out of that shirt than my slave which is you! Go forth to the wash room and work for my health, you dirty jackal!

tshirtofthedead5.mp3

Master Shake: What the hell's taking so long?
Meatwad: You need to chill. I got a whole load in there.
Master Shake: A load? What could you possibly have in there? You're prancin' around naked like you're livin' the frickin' summer of love!
Meatwad: I'm washin' my Christmas sock, boy. I wanna be prepared for when Santa comes.
Master Shake: Santa is not coming this summer.
Meatwad: Yes he is. I put on your t-shirt and called out to him with my brain waves.
Master Shake: You did what?! The t-shirt is not to be abused. It is to be thrown in there with a full bottle of bleach in very hot water!

Frylock: Shake, I read the tag, it said 'cold water only'!
Master Shake: Oh yeah, like you can read a bunch of birds and squiggles.
Meatwad: I can.
Master Shake: I decide what will be airbrushed on the back.
Frylock: All right.
Master Shake: All right!
Meatwad: Ah, shoot. Look at this. Faded. Hey, here's your thing. At least it's clean, you know what I mean?
Master Shake: Yeah, and as soon as I get it on, I'm gonna clean out your little skull with a possessed ice cream spoon but I'm gonna have a demon do it because I'm very tired.
Frylock: Shake, stop.
Master Shake: Will someone please yank on this?!
Frylock: Shake, Shake, Shake! Stop, you're gonna rip it!
Master Shake: Rip this, it'll fit!
Frylock: No it won't.
Master Shake: Yes it will!
Frylock: No it won't! The only person who can wear this now is Meatwad.
Meatwad: Hello hand me down!
Master Shake: Oh yeah?! Well..

tshirtofthedead12.mp3

Master Shake: Put it on.. and do my bidding!
Meatwad: Mmmk. Puts on shirt There we go. What do ya bid?
Master Shake: Ooo, let's uh.. why don't we call up uh... Oh, I know. How about a plague of snakes to devour you for your insolence.
Meatwad: Mmmk. Hang on. Easter Bunny appears
Easter Bunny: Hey! Let's play hide and seek, Meatwad!
Master Shake: What the.. is that the plague of snakes I asked for?
Meatwad: I dunno. Hey, is you the plague of snakes he asked for?
Easter Bunny: Nuh uh! I'm the Easter Bunny.
Meatwad: He the Easter Bunny.
Master Shake: I know that!

Meatwad: Lemme, lemme, lemme take another crack at it. Hold on. (Bunny appears)
Darrell: I'm the Easter bunny's twin brother, Darrell!
Master Shake: This is ridiculous!
Frylock: You know what, I'm just gonna go to the mall. I have my cell phone on, okay? In case something goes wrong, hit me on the cell.

tshirtofthedead6.mp3

Meatwad: Well, I feel like we got a communication breakdown here 'cause you know, you say "snakes", but all I hear from ya is "easter bunny" "easter bunny" "easter bunny".

Master Shake: All right, look. Let's just go with something simple first.
Meatwad: All right. Here's something simple. Santa Claus!
Master Shake: What is wrong with you?!
Santa: Master Shake, you're been a naughty boy today.
Master Shake: Don't play with me, fat man.

tshirtofthedead7.mp3

Meatwad: Santa, did you get my letter?
Santa: Meatwad, why did you call me in the middle of July?
Meatwad: I want me some presents. I been a good boy for the first quarter of this year, and most of the second quarter.
Santa: It's the middle of f***ing July. I was sleeping.
Meatwad: Well but I--
Santa: Faggoty little elves don't even come in 'til September.
Meatwad: Okay but..well, I want a unicorn with a horn and a banana seat and a banana suit, too. Gimme that.
Santa: Well, I'll just waltz on down to the free present store. You think I have money to buy all that?

Master Shake: Oh, please no.

tshirtofthedead13.mp3

Meatwad: No, not that kind of horn. Come on, use your head..
Santa: Well, I didn't do it, you did it.
Meatwad: Oh.
Santa: Anyone have any coffee?
Meatwad: Ehh. Gettin' there..
Santa: I'm sorry. He just woke me up and it pisses me off.
Meatwad: Well, that'll work. For now. But no tellin' what I'm gonna want later.

Master Shake: All right, stop. This is my shirt and you are not abusing it properly.
Meatwad: Look out there then. How's that grab ya?
Santa: Ho, ho, ho, ho. What is going on out here? Why it's a big old happy Easter-- Oh God!!
Carl: Hey!

tshirtofthedead8.mp3

Carl: There's a friggin' Easter Egg in my yard!
Meatwad: That's probably Eggzilla Carl. He's that firebreathin' Easter Egg come outta my mind.
Carl: Of course.
Meatwad: Could be his girlfriend--cause in my mind now he's goin' steady.
Santa: The suit is melting into my skin!
Carl: Oh, yeah. No, there's two of 'em now.
Meatwad: He's at the prom.
Carl: Make sure the house is completely crushed if you could.
Meatwad: That's okay. They're in love. Hey, where you goin'?
Carl: Hey, what are ya doin'? You missed my car! (Smashes windshield) Help me out with this!

Carl: Yeah! There we go, perfect!!
Santa: Ho ho ho..
Frylock: oh my God! What is going on here?! Did I not tell you to call me?
Meatwad: Well I ain't got your number!
Santa: Oh, thank you Frylock.

tshirtofthedead9.mp3

Santa: If I survive, I'm gonna beat the **** outta that little meatball.
Frylock: Look, Santa, I am so sorry, but Meatwad just got a little carried away, that's all.
Santa: He got a lot carried away. You know that remote controlled race car he wants? Oh yeah, he's gonna get it--far up his ass.
Frylock: Whoa, whoa whoa. Calm down, now Santa.
Santa: You might see if the reindeer like meat this year!

Frylock: Now please now Santa.
Santa: Get out of my way. Get out of my way!
Frylock: Don't try to get up, now you need to rest.
Santa: Oh and you--you're his asswipe roommate aren't you? Oh if I go down, who will deliver the toys? You?
Frylock: Toys.. oh.. I don't know..
Santa: You have no idea how it works, do you? Don't even have a clue, do you? You know what? Let me borrow your phone--ho ho ho ho ho, I'm gonna call the police.
Frylock: No, no I don't think so. You're not gonna do that!
Santa: Is that--is that a mirror? Bring that to me, how--how does my face look?
Frylock: Well...
Santa: Like a f***ing monster!
Frylock: No! No, you--
Santa: Oh, kids are gonna want to see me under the mistletoe.
Frylock: No no no no! You're okay. You're all right, as soon as you grow your beard back..and your eyebrows.
Santa: I'm horror claus! Oh God. It's getting cold in here.
Frylock: Uh oh, you're going into shock.
Santa: No I'm not!
Frylock: Meatwad, get in here!!
Santa: Yeah! Take a look at what you've done to me!
Meatwad: Yessir?
Frylock: You need to fix this!
Meatwad: Fix what? Oh my goodness!
Easter Bunny: Why don't you just give him a big chocolate Easter bunny?
Santa: Yeah, that'll work!
Easter Bunny: I said, why don't you just give him a big chocolate-- (Frylock shoots him)

tshirtofthedead10.mp3

Meatwad: Look. What am I supposed to do here with this? I know. You were asleep. He broke in. (Tips over Santa's life support) He flicked a switch; bad wiring lights him on fire.
Frylock: Meatwad!
Santa: Don't listen to him!
Meatwad: No one knows he's down here, come on!
Frylock: I don't like the way this t-shirt is making you act!
Meatwad: Oh, is that right? (Jumps on Santa. Santa screams "get off") Oh, you got a mind to rat me out?!
Frylock: No, no no, Meatwad. Nothing like that, please. Look, you got the t-shirt on. Just-just do something will ya?
Meatwad: Okay, okay, okay, okay. Just lemme..lemme concentrate here for a second. Oh boy a new Unicycle!

Frylock: Oh man, lookin' good!
Santa: The elves kinda whipped it up for me at the last minute.
Frylock: You gonna be able to do this yourself next year.
Santa: Yeah.
Meatwad: Well you'll be bouncin' around here in no time there soccer-claus! Santa Claus. Santa Claus is what I said.
Santa: It's important that I don't leave this tent until the graft fully takes hold to my muscles... 'cause this is my skin now. Oh God!
Frylock: It's okay, it's okay Santa. Just take your time.
Santa: Okay, okay.
Frylock: And remember we do have a lot of houses to go through so whenever you're ready..
Santa: Oh yeah, I can't see too well with the soccer ball lids...
Frylock: Take it easy, it's okay.
Santa: ...but I think this is Jeffey's house, and if I remember correctly...he wants a wooden train.
Frylock: Great! Did you hear that Meatwad?
Meatwad: Yep, here it is. His very own wooden brain.
Frylock: Train, you idiot! Train!
Meatwad: Don't you talk ugly to me! I mean, I'll send ya to the moon with my magic shirt.
Frylock: Yeah, I know, Master.
Meatwad: Jeffey's just gonna have to bite the bullet on this one because it has been a long night, and we ain't even done the eastern seaboard yet.
Santa: Just give it to him. He's not a-- not a bright child.

tshirtofthedead11.mp3

Master Shake: (Shake as a reindeer) Can I ask a question master? You said we would be trading off at some point. Is that close?
Meatwad: We gonna finish up America, then we do Europe, and then you knock out the Middle East yourself.
Master Shake: (Getting humped by another reindeer) F&$# you!
Meatwad: Cry me a river, bitch.