Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 45 - Gee Whiz

Click on the filename above the transcription to download the clip. Enjoy!

Oglethorpe: Suck on this! (Throws water balloon)
Err: What was that?
Oglethorpe: It was so awesome.
Emory: Did you get them?
Oglethorpe: Totally. They are doomed to drown in the balloon water. It's like... a flooded carnage.
Emory: I got it.
Oglethorpe: Who is it?
Emory: I guess it was nobody.
Err: Ha ha ha ha!!

geewhiz1.mp3

Meatwad: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Do a search.. for free pizza. Then see if it come out this drive.

Meatwad: Is this a drive?
Frylock: I'm reading my news, if you don't mind.
Meatwad: News is good food for your mind, but I want food for my mouth. You better hear what I say or I'll unplug this whole computer.
Frylock: Oh, look at this! Apparently there's some billboard in town and people are seeing the face of Je-uhhh, you know who.
Meatwad: No, I don't know who. Who?
Frylock: Oh, I'm not allowed to say, Meatwad. Because of standards and practices.
Meatwad: Standards and practices? What are standards and practices?
Frylock: Well, that's an interesting question, Meatwad. Here, let's take a look at this video.

geewhiz2.mp3

Announcer: Standards and practices are a vital link in keeping good and funny ideas away from you, the television viewer. Watch how this nun reacts when we blow her brains out. (gun goes off, blood EVERYWHERE)
Voice: NO, PERMISSION NOT GRANTED.
Announcer: Oh, no! Somebody's going to get an email. What's a better, more acceptable solution? (gun goes off, rainbow comes out of nun's head) That's right! A happy and colorful rainbow! Although not nearly as funny, it's guaranteed not to offend the black people.
Voice: NO! UNACCEPTABLE!
Announcer: Oh. Did I say black? I meant to say minorities.
Voice: ACCEPTABLE!
Announcer: Looks like someone's about to get an A! By following the rules, you're guaranteed to make a mediocre product that no one can relate to!

Frylock: So you see, Meatwad, that's why I can't say the J word.
Meatwad: I don't understand any of this sh*t.
Frylock: That's okay, Meatwad, no one else will either.
Meatwad: So, what was we talkin 'bout there?
Frylock: Well apparently people are seeing the face of.. the J-man.. in this billboard and they're claiming to be healed.

geewhiz3.mp3

Meatwad: Uh, huh. Who's the J-man?
Frylock: Ya know.. starts with a J, son of G.. died and went to H.. on the C?
Meatwad: Died on the C.. Comode, comode! Elvis, it's Elvis!
Frylock: No, but he was a king. And he did live in a Graceland of sorts. (sighs) He looks like Ted Nuggent?
Meatwad: Oh, yeah, I know that old boy! It's Je---
Frylock: Don't say it! Let's just call him.. GeeWhiz.

Meatwad: Well what's old Gee Whiz doin' in Jersey?
Frylock: Uh, Meatwad, I don't think it's for real. Meatwad? Meatwad!

Meatwad: Dear, Gee Whiz. Please bless thine presence with a 16 inch, thick crust, meat craver's special. With the mild sauce. Amen. And please bring a side of wings while we wait.
Frylock: Meatwad! What the hell are you doing?
Meatwad: Shut up! He's making pizza.
Frylock: Who is making pizza?
Meatwad: Gee Whiz! Don't you see his face? It's right there.
Frylock: Where?
Meatwad: Down near the butt of the gun, all Ted Nugent-lookin'.
Frylock: Meatwad, the real Gee Whiz was a black man. (Standards 'X' appears) I mean-I mean-I mean African American.
Meatwad: Gee Whiz is American? Aw, that's awesome.
Frylock: No, no, no, I mean-
Meatwad: USA! USA!
Frylock: I mean African. African.
Meatwad: Not in Pop-Up Bible. He looked just like Ted Nugent in there.
Frylock: Whatever. You done?
Meatwad: Hang on. (Puts two dollars under billboard) Do you think this is enough?
Frylock: Meatwad put that away! What are you doing?
Meatwad: I know. Okay, okay, you're right. (Adds plant) Here's your tip.
Frylock: No, you should save your money from these false prophets flying around here and buy yourself a real damn pizza! Now, come on!
Master Shake: (Emerges from behind bush and attempts to steal two bucks. Flaming arrows are shot at him) Ah! I'm sorry Gee Whiz! Forgivith me!

Frylock: Meatwad, I think it's time you learned about the real Bible.
Meatwad: My God!
Frylock: Oh, wait, that's the Necronomicon. Sorry. Here it is.
Meatwad: Well, what's it say about me being pregnant
Frylock: Nothing!
Meatwad: Well they need to update now, cause I'm pregnant.
Master Shake: Does that friggin' book say anything about flaming arrows?
Frylock: And where have you been?
Master Shake: At work. I got jobs.

geewhiz4.mp3

Frylock: Well, guess what?! Meatwad's pregnant!
Meatwad: True dat!
Frylock: Meatwad, you can't possibly be pregnant!
Meatwad: Yee of little faith! How do you know that?
Frylock: Well first of you're a ma.. well.. You're kind've a.. I dunno, you're a male!
Meatwad: I am?! Awwweesome that is so cool, I always wanted a gender!

Frylock: Do you even know how people get pregnant?
Meatwad: No, but I know how I did. I was touched by the power on my unit in broad daylight. Starring Lou Diamond Phillips.
Frylock: You're not pregnant.
Master Shake: Of course he is. Now I can wail on you for two.
Meatwad: Okay. But let's do it later, okay? Right now my little boy needs his rest.

Back at the billboard an arrow comes down and grabs the 2 dollars Meatwad put there earlier.
Narrator: Gee wilikers, fellas. I think that's Meatwad's baby's daddy.

Master Shake: He's been sleeping for 3 friggin' days straight. I don't do that because I'm not irresponsible and don't go out and get knocked up everytime there's a party at the frat house.
Frylock: Shake, he's not pregnant.
Master Shake: Well he's gettin' bigger down there. Have you seen how he eats? It's disgusting. He doesn't even look at it anymore; he just shovels it in.
Frylock: Woah, maybe we- (Meatwad has a temper tantrum and throws the food everywhere) Damn!

geewhiz8.mp3

Meatwad: Oh... boy, I apologize. My hormones are goin' nuts. Now, please... if you would... get the (bleep) outta my way. I mean, how many times I gotta (bleepin)in' write "ice cream" on this (bleep)in' list before someone gets in (bleep)in' gear, and brings home the (bleep)in' ice cream? Maybe I should get a steak knife, and etch it in your mutha(bleep)in' forehead! How hard can it (bleep)in' be? Ice mutha(bleep)in' cream! I guess that's the price I pay for livin' with two (bleep)in' morons!

Master Shake: What happened to courtesy? Did it just disappear?
Frylock: I just can't believe it.
Master Shake: Who would make love to that?! How do you make love? Do you have a book? Or, uh. How do you do it? I'm asking.
Frylock: I guess it was an immaculate-
Meatwad: Convection...oven...and it done got a bun in it. Heh, heh, heh.

Frylock: I'm tilting my head, I still don't see the damn thing.
Master Shake: Alright you see the homeless guy up there in the grid work? Not him. It's above him.
Frylock: I don't see anything but wood. I mean it's just wood grain.
Master Shake: Right in the butt of the gun. Look at the butt of the gun.
Frylock: I'm lookin at the butt of the gun. I don't see nothin but the gun!
Master Shake: What the hell's the matter-hey, yo, Choch! Show my dumb friend over here where Gee Whiz is, will ya?
Homeless Guy: Gee Whiz. You're Gee Whiz.
Master Shake: Yes, thank you! Okay, show him on the billboard!
Homeless Guy: Me! Me Gee Whiz!
Master Shake: Great, another whack job. Hey, Gee Whiz, can you fly? Okay, now that he's gone, right where his head was. You gotta squint like me.
Frylock: I'm outta here. This is bull.
Master Shake: Don't turn you're back to it. Flaming arrows are gonna come flying outta there!
Frylock: You-you believe this too, don't you, Shake?
Master Shake: Hell no, but I need him to think that I do. Where you going?
Frylock: Meatwad's baby shower.
Master Shake: Oh, Gee Whiz! I totally for- (A flaming arrow comes down) Aah! I know not what I didith!

Meatwad: Carl, this is so sweet, really. You didn't have to do this, it's-
Frylock: What the hell is this?
Carl: Well, it's a fishing rod. You see it folds up. You know it put it in your-I got about a hundred of them. Well, they make pretty good gifts if you don't, you know, give a crap about who you're givin them to.
Meatwad: Heh, thank you. But, uh, this child will have no need to fish, 'cause if he wants fish, he'll just yank one out of midair. Cause he's-
Carl: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fryman told me there.

geewhiz5.mp3

Carl: You.. uh. You sure you wasn't raped?
Meatwad: No, but I was raped with joy.
Carl: So.. there's gonna be another one of you animals running around over here. Great. We'll start a zoo. Super.

Frylock: Open this one, Meatwad.
Meatwad: Oh, Frylock, you didn't have to- What the hell is this?
Frylock: It's a car seat for the baby.
Master Shake: We got a car?
Frylock: Carl does.
Carl: Here it comes, okay.

geewhiz7.mp3

Frylock: It's for when we..ride around with Carl.
Carl: Yeah! When we take our roadtrip, to fantasy land! It's never frickin' happening.

Carl: Look, your baby wants a car, make him yank a friggin' Lamborghini outta midair.
Meatwad: I'm afraid that would be a vulgar display of his power. What'd you get me, Shake?
Frylock: Shake, didn't you get him something?
Master Shake: I should be the one! Who choose you? Nobody! And I don't know how he did it. He probably had to put a bag over your head and think of me.
Frylock: Meatwad, come on, I got a surprise for you.
Master Shake: And now he gets surprises. Yippidy do!
Frylock: Okay, we're gonna get a first look at that little baby. I stole this ultrasound program off the internet.
Master Shake: Well that's stealing.
Frylock: I said I stole it.
Master Shake: Would you get me The Lord of the Rings?
Frylock: I already have that. It's on my hardrive. Alright, Meatwad-
Master Shake: How about watchin' it.
Frylock: I'm just gonna run this across your belly and then we're gonna get to see the first look at uh.. (Eggs on screen)
Master Shake: Is this the Lord of the Rings?
Frylock: Oh, my G!
Master Shake: What? What's about to happen? Is this-Is this the scary part?
Frylock: This can't be right!
Meatwad: Do he have his daddy's beard? I want him to have red hair.
Frylock: Uh, Meatwad, I think you better take a look at this.
Meatwad: Well, clearly these are....eyeballs....that he needs....so he can see...everything that's going on in the world....that's evil.
Frylock: They're spider eggs, Meatwad.
Meatwad: Well, he works in mysterious ways.
Frylock: Who? The spider?
Meatwad: Yeah, let-let me see that again. Oh, my goodness!
Frylock: You must've picked up a spider on the side of the road or something.
Master Shake: Will someone please tell me is what we're watching the Lord of the- (Meatwad's gut explodes releasing spiders) Ugh.
Frylock: Ugh, ugh!
Meatwad: My water broke.
Frylock: Let's get outta here, outta here, lock him in, lock him in!
Master Shake: Tell me you put towels under the door.
Frylock: Uh, yeah, but don't worry. They won't attack his body for at least a couple days.
Master Shake: I wasn't worried about him, I'm worried about Frodo and I wanna know what he's up to.
Ted Nugent: Hey, how you guys doin'? Anybody without a gun and a knife and a handkercheif and a chapstick get the f*ck outta here!
Frylock: Who are you?
Master Shake: Gee Whiz?
Carl: That is friggin' Ted Nugent! (Ted shoots Carl with a flaming arrow) Aaaaaahh!! You shot my arm!!!
Ted: Oh, man, sorry 'bout that. I thought it was a vermin.
Master Shake: Wango, zee Tango, huh?
Ted: Yeah, it is I, Ted Nugent. It was my image you saw on that billboard.
Master Shake: I kept tellin' him, Ted Nugent. He's stupid.
Frylock: Well, okay, but why are you here?
Ted: Hey, which of you numbnuts left a dollar in front of my billboard?

geewhiz6.mp3

Carl: Hey, Nugge. You goin' sign my arrow?
Ted Nuggent: Don't move, man.
Carl: I got a Cat Scratch Fever loincloth.. I still wear.. on laundry day
Ted Nuggent: I'm telling ya! Don't move!
Carl: Why, what--(explosion followed by rainbow sound)

geewhiz9.mp3

Frylock: Well, I'm sure glad that wasn't blood. I would have been motherf***ing offended out my f***ing ass.
Master Shake: Me too, you motherf***ing c***suck. *ding*
Announcer: Acceptable!