Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 35 - Kidney Car

Click on the filename above the transcription to download the clip. Enjoy!

kidneycar10.mp3

Dr Weird: (Javier is buffing the floor and steals Dr. Weird's necklace. Dr. Weird shoots tacos at him) PUT IT BACK!

Master Shake: Oh, sweetness.
Frylock: Hey, Shake, whatcha got there?
Master Shake: No, do not get near this.
Frylock: Well, what is it?
Master Shake: Just the fruits of victory. I wouldn't expect you to know anything about it, being a loser.
Frylock: The shake 'em up finals?
Master Shake: Yeah, I won 'Participant'
Frylock: shake, don't tell me you used the danger cart in some demolition derby.
Master Shake: Hell, no, I got my own wheels.
Carl: Hey, open up, or I'm opening it for you.
Master Shake: Well, you know the drill.
Frylock: Drill? No, I don't.

kidneycar1.mp3

Frylock: Hey.. Carl.. how you doin' man?
Carl: Take a look at that.
Frylock: Ooo. Hey, Carl. This is pretty boss man. Where'd you get those graphics done?
Carl: Thank you, I didn't frickin' do it.
Frylock: Well, then why are you showin' it to me?
Carl: Someone stole it, raced it, and brought it back!
Frylock: Oh.. well, I mean. You did call the police, right?
Carl: Ohh, yeah. Good one, I never thought of that. No, they-they stopped takin' my calls like.. long ago.

Frylock: Well, uh, we're kind of not detectives anymore. I mean, that wasn't making us a whole lot of money.
Meatwad: No, sir, but now we got us a mail-order telemarket business-- Ultra-Mega-Braid.

kidneycar2.mp3

Meatwad: Carl, I see you're noticing my braids.
Carl: No, I'm not.
Meatwad: Did you know that you can have braids just like this? With Ultra-Mega-Braid.
Frylock: Hey, Carl. You wanna try one out?
Carl: No.
Frylock: We can do your shoulders!
Meatwad: They come in seven different colors. And you can add decorative beads and glitter. Make your unique own Ultra-Mega-Braid.
Frylock: $3.99
Carl: Hey, kiss my ultra-mega ass.
Meatwad: And if you order now, we'll include an egg slicer.
Frylock: Uhh, Meatwad. He's gone.
Meatwad: Shoot, I ain't never gonna sell one of these.
Frylock: Aww, no Meatwad. That's not the right attitude! But you're probably right. You won't sell any of this crap.

Meatwad: Are you depressed? Has high interest rates got you down? My name is Meatwad, and today I'm here to offer you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Sell your organs, live, over the internet. Get money back on your baby. That ain't sound right. where's my sheet?

Carl: All right, take her up. Be careful with-- well, aw, who freakin' cares?
Master Shake: Wait Carl, wait, wait, wait, no wait a-- I mean uh, What are you doin' there, buddy?
Carl: I can't friggin' sell it like this. I'm gonna give it to the kidney foundation. Maybe get a little tax write-off, or--

kidneycar3.mp3

Carl: What're you doing with that helmet?
Master Shake: This? Oh, this...is for the rapture...Armaggeddon?
Carl: Yeah, well it looks like a racing helmet.
Master Shake: Yeah it does...but it's not.

Carl: Well, I stand corrected.
Meatwad: All right, my wheels got here.
Carl: W-w-wait-wait a minute! what is this? What are you doin' here?
Meatwad: Yup, Carl, old kidney foundation really came through for me with my freebie. I been on that damn list for a while. But they said, you know, since I was, um, un..un..
Frylock: Unsanitary?
Meatwad: Yeah, yeah, that, and inoperaterace--racism.
Frylock: Infection.
Meatwad: --waitin' to happen. And they didn't nowise want to waste no kidneys on me. And I said, well all right. So, they sayin' they'd give me this car and I get sick all I want in here.
Frylock: You know, you don't really need kidneys.
Meatwad: Look, I know it's shallow, but, hey, I wants 'em. It's a status thing. That's what separates the men from the animals.
Frylock: Actually, Meatwad, animals have kidneys, too.
Meatwad: Well, animals ain't got no job workin' for the city.
Frylock: Neither do you.
Meatwad: Yeah well. Damn, you burned me. I got nothin'. So, back off my car, and hold your roll.

kidneycar4.mp3

Carl: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy off the pedal there, Jeff Gordon. I am keeping the graphics.
Meatwad: That's fine. It ain't "2 Wicked" no more. It's the "Hotwad", and we gonna fix this up and make this my work car.

Meatwad: Frylock, I'm lookin' at you.
Frylock: Uh, this is gonna be a lot of work, Meatwad, and a whole lot of money.
Meatwad: Yeah, I know, I got tools. Okay, that should do it.

kidneycar5.mp3

Meatwad: Okay now, when I say 'crank it!', you do whatever it is peole do when they told to do that.
Boxy: Uh-uh. I ain't hearin' that, see. You askin' or you tellin'? Cause nobody tells Boxy Brown.
Meatwad: Boxy, this isn't a big deal at all, I am just asking a favor. Now if you remember I helped you move your Grandma to the home and that was my day off.
Boxy: That wasn't no grandma boy; that was a grocery bag.
Meatwad: But you just a box..
Boxy: I just a what, bitch?!
Meatwad: You're D-D-Duke of New York, you're A #1?
Boxy: You say it louder, boy.
Meatwad: You're a Duke of New York, A #1!!
Boxy: Yeah!

Frylock: How's he doin' out there?
Master Shake: He hasn't done jack. He's been sawin' on that thing for two hours. And are you sure he should be using a saw?
Frylock: Well, not a plastic one.
Master Shake: I knew that looked wrong. You need this drill. Get out of there. What are you, tryin' to break it? It's not metric? Give it to me. You gotta whomp it on the side like this. You better start, you mother--
Meatwad: Start, stupid. Start!
Frylock: All right, all right, that's it, let me take a look. Shake, get a flashlight. Meatwad, get behind the wheel, and tell your buddy Dewey there to get the hell out of the fan housing, please.
Meatwad: Boy, you are gonna lose an arm that way.
Frylock: Ok, now, crank it.
Meatwad: Ok, here we go. You ready?
Frylock: Yeah.
Meatwad: You ready now?
Frylock: Ready.
Meatwad: Here it comes.
Frylock: Okay. Come on, Meatwad, I'm ready.
Meatwad: You ready for it?
Frylock: I'm ready already. just do it!
Meatwad: Ok, don't yell at me. How's that sound? Do you like that song?
Frylock: I meant, turn the key.
Meatwad: I did. This is key. K-104, Jersey's kickin' country.
Frylock: The key to the ignition, Meatwad!
Meatwad: I'm turnin' it.
Frylock: That's the steering wheel.
Meatwad: I'm goin' left.
Frylock: But you're turning to the right. Shake, where's the light?
Meatwad: Yeah, shake, where's the light?
Master Shake: Oooooooo!!
Meatwad: No, a demon!
Frylock: Oh, there it is.
Master Shake: It was last seen in the woods.
Frylock: Oh, great.
Master Shake: By a man with a hook! oooooooh!
Frylock: All right, that's it. that's it. I'm through, forget it. The radiator's split, the tranny's shot, the wheels are melted, the crankshaft somehow found its way into the woofer in the back, and all the fluids are in the floorboard.
Meatwad: Naw, man, that's a soft drink machine.
Frylock: They're fluids, Meatwad!
Meatwad: Soft drinks are fluid.
Master Shake: Look, I know it's not an ideal situation, but let's just take a few breaths and calm down. Let's just get in there, and you do it.
Frylock: Shake, do you have any idea how much money this is gonna cost?
Master Shake: Well, I can't get a lot of money if I can't get to work driving my rocket car.
Frylock: Look, it's Meatwad's car. it's up to him.
Master Shake: Tell him you want it fixed.
Meatwad: I want it fixed.
Master Shake: See, and I'll help you. Really, I can do this.
Frylock: All right. where'd the light go? Shine it over here.
Master Shake: Well, I set it down right over there beside the demon of the flashlight.
Meatwad: The demon! no!
Frylock: All right, that's it. F*** all y'all. Y'all fix it yourselves.
Master Shake: See what you did? Now I'm not gonna get a ride to my job. Thanks for taking food out of my kids' mouths.
Meatwad: Get outta here boy, I gotta get to my job. Vroom! vroom!

kidneycar6.mp3

Meatwad: (Makes Car Sounds) Hey! Hey, yeah you! Yeah I'm lookin' at you. Move your van or I'm gonna move it for ya!

Meatwad: Go to mach 1. Engage warp speed. I'm late for work.
Frylock: Shake, I'm a little worried about Meatwad. I think he's losing his mind.
Master Shake: Watch this. I think he's losing his license.

kidneycar7.mp3

Meatwad: Aww, shoot. The bronze 5-0.
Master Shake: Is there a.. Is there an emergency or something?
Meatwad: Well, yeah.. I mean..
Master Shake: Somebody having a baby?
Meatwad: You know, I need to get to work..
Master Shake: What's goin' on here?
Meatwad: Hey, I'm a wild man. I can't drive 55.
Master Shake: No wheels here either. Can you pass an inspection like that?
Meatwad: Mmm hmm. Yessir.
Master Shake: I saw you ran through a couple of lights and I'm thinking...surely this little lady would do that in her own town. Where ya from?
Meatwad: Now, they was yellow when I went through 'em.
Master Shake: Uh huh, they were red. Just like your ass is gonna be when I get through with you. All right, step out of the car please. Have you had anything to drink tonight, ma'am?
Meatwad: Oh, hell yeah. Can I mix you something?
Master Shake: All right. I want you to walk in a straight line to that manhole and when you fall down in there I want to hear the alphabet backwards.
Meatwad: Okay.
Master Shake: SUCKER! (steals the car)

Meatwad: Did you see that? he stole my car.
Frylock: Yeah. Did you get the plate number?
Meatwad: Good idea.
Master Shake: It's not Sunday, lady, let's go!
Meatwad: What's that letter that does this? With the thing? There's two of them.
Master Shake: I was out of control, but I'm such a good driver, I brought it back. Frylock, you've gotta get that car fixed.
Frylock: Well, I tried to help you, but you two just kept on goofing off.
Master Shake: Well, we are pretty funny when we do that.
Frylock: Why don't you two go see a real mechanic? See if he thinks it's funny, huh?

kidneycar8.mp3

Meatwad: Here's the estimate. He told me I may not like what I see, but it's the truth. Check it out.
Frylock: 32 grand?! That doesn't sound right. Did he even look at the car?
Meatwad: Yeah, I mean over the phone, yeah. He says that it sounded like my hobbit that turns the crank case is depressed and needs therapy. We need us--get us a new hobbit. They's from the land beyond time. Land beyond time is also gonna hook us up with a unicorn for the radiator. I ain't even gonna tell ya about that haunted air conditioner. Plus, the air filter? That's made of plutonium. That's gonna involve Superman, so...ya know, plus shipping from Krypton. And the cow..jumped over the moon.
Frylock: Is this what he told ya or is this..how you heard it?
Meatwad: You should read it for yourself. I don't even know anymore.
Frylock: Wow. He actually did write all that. What an assh***.

Meatwad: Carl said he's a guy you can trust. He'd do me right.
Frylock: Yeah, I bet he would.
Master Shake: Gentlemen, I have the answer.
Frylock: What the hell?
Master Shake: Yeah, what the hell. say it. Say what the hell again. Wow, I'll be dumbfounded.
Frylock: Shake, that's never gonna work.
Master Shake: Yeah, I know. The colors are not quite right. I specifically asked for mandarin copper. I get stuck with sangria sunrise. Makes it look like some tarted-up hussy.
Frylock: Well, I ain't gonna be part of this. You guys go ahead and kill yourselves if you want to.
Master Shake: Yeah, have fun with your dollies. Meatwad, hit the switch. Okay, turn it off for a second. Turn it off. let's just turn it off.

kidneycar9.mp3

Carl: Hey, hey! What was that noise.
Master Shake: Huh?
Carl: Um..where is my white hatchback?
Master Shake: Excuse me?
Carl: And why are there skidmarks there?
Master Shake: Uh.. I just got through mowing the lawn...if that's a crime.
Carl: I frickin' rented this thing this morning!
Master Shake: Yeah, we know how you did it. Congratulations! The bank gave you a credit card.

Master Shake: It doesn't make you better than me. But, you see, nobody gives me credit, because I'm a bad risk, and I don't pay my bills on time. So I have to work for what I have.
Carl: Uh, did my car always have that, or am I just uh--
Master Shake: What? class? style? I don't think so. Thank God I got a hip transplant. Now, why don't you go back into your house, and shut up!
Meatwad: Why'd he do that?
Master Shake: Why wouldn't he?