Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 34 - Broodwich

Click on the filename above the transcription to download the clip. Enjoy!

broodwich12.mp3

Dr. Weird: Gentleman, there's a chance this will work.
Steve: Actually, you said there's no chance this will work.
Dr. Weird: (Dr. Weird is being pumped with BBQ sauce) Fool! That will never work!

Master Shake: It doesn't matter, 'cause I'm not cleaning up this hallway.
Meatwad: But it's all your bullcrap here, all them battlestar Earth blasted drink cups.
Master Shake: Don't you touch those; they're in mint condition, and they're gonna stay that way.

broodwich1.mp3

Meatwad: I'll touch 'em all the way to the trashcan is what I'll do.
Master Shake: You touch those and your GI Joes are gonna be MIA, my friend. And then who's gonna call little Mama Joe and tell her that her boy ain't comin' home cause somebody was asleep on guard duty!

Frylock: well what's this? A treasure map!
Meatwad: Treasure?
Master Shake: can I hold it, please? WOW! There's treasure under all these X's?
Frylock: Yeah. Obviously.
Master Shake: Amazing! These are the same exact spots where you wanted me to plant those disgusting azalea bushes.
Frylock: Wow, are you serious? Well, I guess you better go.
Meatwad: Hey, if anyone calls me, I'm gonna be outside. With the shovel, sucker.
Master Shake: No, no you don't! that bullion is mine!
Frylock: Look, don't dig any further than 12 to 14 inches.
Master Shake: Shut up. you don't know. You just stay here and guard my Battlefield Earth cups, especially Terl!

broodwich2.mp3

Meatwad: Frylock: He sure is.
Meatwad: I dumb too. I mean, you knew that though, yeah? Because I did send out a press release. I ate a bunch of them. I'm dumb. Dumb!

Frylock: No! No! No, Shake!
Master Shake: I know! The stupid pirates must have buried a gas line down there.
Frylock: I told you, 14 inches!
Master Shake: You tell me a lot of things, but that doesn't mean I have to listen. Aah!

broodwich3.mp3

Frylock: Shake, are you all right down there?
Master Shake: Get me outta here right now I'm gonna die!! There's monsters!
Frylock: Shake, Shake, calm down!
Master Shake: Dracula's grabbing my leg, it's a zombie! I feel it!
Frylock: Look Shake, there's no monsters down there, okay? You just hit a sinkhole or something.

Master Shake: Okay.
Frylock: Stay right there. I'll go get a flashlight.
Master Shake: Nah, I got it. Holy crap in a pita! Monsters!
Voice: Taste!
Master Shake: Who said that? You're all dead. Nobody can talk if they're dead.
Voice: Come to me and taste the future.
Master Shake: Taste what? Hey, free sandwich!
Voice: But beware.
Master Shake: But you just told me--
Voice: Look, I'm a thousand years old. I know what I said. Beware.
Master Shake: Yeah, you beware. I'm eating this. Hey! Whoa! Where the hell is this?
Voice: You'll know, in time. Hahaha!
Master Shake: The question is, will I care? Probably not.
Frylock: Shake? shake!
Meatwad: Just leave him, he's--wait a minute. I smell me some honey baked ham.
Frylock: Uh! Oh, my God. Shake?
Master Shake: Oh, my God! Frylock, what? Why's everything got to be a federal case with you? Yeah, you heard what I said. I said it.
Frylock: Where did all these skulls come from?
Master Shake: They're guarding this sandiwch, now let's go.
Frylock: Oh my God! That is no ordinary sandwich, Shake.
Master Shake: 'Oh my God'-- Do you ever have anything good to say? It's a free sandwich.
Frylock: It's not a sandwich at all, shake. It's the Broodwich.
Meatwad: The blue witch?
Frylock: No, the Broodwich, Meatwad! Broodwich!
Meatwad: Wait. wait. say what?
Frylock: Broodwich!
Meatwad: The Blair Witch is here?
Frylock: No, Meatwad. the Broodwich.

broodwich4.mp3

Master Shake: I'll tell ya what it is, my friends. It's shut-up and lemme eat it!

broodwich5.mp3

Frylock: I read a very disturbing article about this sandwich in the Bible.
Voice: No! You probably saw our piece in Vogue.
Frylock: I doubt it, I don't-I don't read that.
Voice: Heidi Klum was on the cover.. You know, the Broodwich issue?
Frylock: Okay, yes. It was Vogue.
Master Shake: You read all this in VOGUE!?
Voice: Our PR department is awesome.
Master Shake: That's a girl magazine! I hope you were at the dentist, Frylock!
Frylock: It just comes to the house, I d-
Master Shake: Of course it comes when you order it, you big, fat lady!
Meatwad: Hey! Someone down there's a girl!

Frylock: Everyone just shut up about the Vogue thing, okay?
Meatwad: I'm gonna plant these bushes now.
Frylock: Listen, according to the Vogue piece, the Broodwich is immortal. It cannot be killed or taken apart, but as long as you don't ingest it, you'll be okay.
Master Shake: Don't talk while my mouth is full.

broodwich6.mp3

Master Shake: Hey, how's it going? Are you the guy that keeps telling me to "beware" because I'll tell you where to be. Out of my sight!
Voice: BEWARE!
Master Shake: Oh, whaddya got a sound guy or som--

Master Shake: Oh, that's a good trick. I'm just gonna go now. Oh, my God! Get away from me! Leave me-- I'm cool. Yeah, we're all cool here.
Voice: I told ya. Beware.
Master Shake: Who are you? what is this?

broodwich7.mp3

Voice: It is the Broodwich. Forged in darkness from wheat harvested in hell's half acre. Baked by Beelzebub. Slathered with mayonnaise beaten from the evil eggs of dark chicken forces into sauce by the hands of a one eyed mad man. Cheese boiled from the rancid teat of fanged cow. Layered with 666 separate meats from an animal, which has maggots for blood.
Frylock: See? Told ya.
Master Shake: I tasted mustard.
Voice: Yeah... Dijon mustard.

Master Shake: Well, how come no bacon?
Voice: Bacon is extra.
Master Shake: You call this a sandwich, you don't have bacon on it?!
Voice: There are no swine evil enough to sacrifice upon a bed of evil! And lettuce. bed of evil and lettuce.
Master Shake: I will say this: bacon aside, this is the best damn sandwich I've ever had in my life.
Voice: Eat all of it, and you will suffer the wrath.
Master Shake: I mean, I don't have to eat the whole thing. I could save a quarter.
Voice: I suppose you could.
Master Shake: Because the thing is, I don't like crust on the bread. Now a lot of people do, but not me. I usually cut it off right at the beginning, especially if it's hard. The hard crust--it hurts the roof of my mouth.
Voice: You're boring me now.
Frylock: Say, since he's the chosen one and we're not, could we just sort of cover this back up and plant some azaleas here?
Voice: Sure.
Frylock: Okay. Come on, Shake. you're gonna die.
Master Shake: Let go.
Meatwad: Hey, who y'all talking to down there?

broodwich8.mp3

Master Shake: It's a sandwich. Two pieces of bread and some meat. And it doesn't even have bacon on it! I don't need it! I got it licked! And I would like to lick.. that sandwich. Just a little flavor..just a little taste in my mouth..
Voice: What's goin' on?
Frylock: Shake, get rid of the damn sandwich! If you keep it here, you're gonna eat it and then you're gonna die!
Master Shake: No I won't...

Master Shake: I don't need a stupid sandwich. I don't need the sandwich. I need this ladder. excuse me, please. I need to eat this sandwich right now. I'm not gonna eat the whole thing. See? Oh, God! Okay, look. this is irritating.
Frylock: It's the Broodwich, shake. You're chosen.

broodwich9.mp3

Master Shake: I haven't paid taxes in six years.. I am not gettin' busted by a sandwich!

Voice: Then you must find another with an appetite for insanity.
Master Shake: Hey. You're dumb. Eat this.
Meatwad: I heard what that boy said; I ain't eating jack.
Master Shake: You're gonna let this guy scare you? How bad could it possibly be?
Voice: It's a world of skinless, blood-soaked nightmares clattering from the deep and clattering for the meat of the guilty.
Master Shake: Oh, come on. The guy's just jealous. Go on. woof it down, dog.
Meatwad: Well I don't know, I mean, is the mayonnaise fat-free?
Master Shake: You're a dog.
Meatwad: 'Cause, you know, it's not the calories that get you, man. It's the saturated fats.
Master Shake: Woof it, you mutt.
Frylock: Meatwad, no!
Master Shake: Hey, did you hear what I called him? He can't do jack about it.

broodwich10.mp3

Master Shake: Hey! How'd ya like Mr Sticks?! He was a real treat, wasn't he?
Meatwad: Yeah.. Jerry said you guys had a little run in, but he's a decent guy, I mean, once you get to know him.
Master Shake: Bull crap! I know that guy was all over you with his axe!
Meatwad: Nah, that don't sound like Jerry. Now, the Jerry I know took me to Merry Christmas...which is a strip club...Merry Triple X-mas.. You see what I'm saying? You see what I'm saying?!
Master Shake: Gimme that sandwich!!
Frylock: Wow, so you're saying it was fun?
Meatwad: Hell no! That son-bitch had an axe!

broodwich13.mp3

Jerry: So I don't know. She's like, "move your skulls to the basement, 'cause I got these drapes." I don't even get that. I'm like, "honey, this is work."
Buddy: Are you serious?
Jerry: I can't-- Yeah, I can't put them in the f***in' basement. I mean, and she's like, you know, "can you put a tarp over them also?"
Buddy: Oh no way.
Jerry: And I just felt like, "No, I'm not. G** damn it.
Buddy: I got one at home just like it, man. Yeah, I mean I got a kid now, and so--
Jerry: That's a whole other set of bulls*** I'm sure.
Buddy: Right, so Cathy puts the co-sleeper right next to my preserved brain collection, and she wants me to move them because she thinks it's not hygienic.
Jerry: I don't understand how there's such a lack of appreciation for that backlight coming through the glass of the jars that the brains are in. And it just looks cool.
Buddy: You've seen that?
Jerry: Why move it? That's the point of putting it next to the window. And I'm sure you've explained that to Cathy, but she obviously doesn't get it.
Buddy: Now I try to move the bed but there's no-- I can't even argue with it.
Jerry: It's f***in' ridiculous.
Buddy: So if I want to move the bed-- Hey, isn't that that guy?
Master Shake: What's with the toilet seat, right?
Jerry: Oh, what the--
Master Shake: Jerry, no! We're cool!

Master Shake: It's cool, man! We're cool!
Frylock: Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake! Hey. Where's the rest of the sandwich?
Master Shake: Well I guess I ate it. and I'm still here? Hey, victory is mine!
Voice: But what about the-the sun-dried tomatoes?
Master Shake: Yuck! Yeah, I picked them off, because they're disgusting.
Voice: The Broodwich cannot be taken apart or disassembled!
Master Shake: Obviously it can, because that's what I did.
Voice: Well, you better put them right back.
Master Shake: Put them back where? I ate the sandwich. it's gone.
Voice: Look! They're good.
Master Shake: Yeah, you keep telling me that. They're not.
Voice: How about you?
Frylock: Uh, no thanks.
Voice: No, thank you. I'm full.
Voice: Fine! don't eat it.
Meatwad: Is he gone?
Master Shake: I don't know. he's a voice.
Meatwad: Where is he? is he in them raisins?
Master Shake: I don't know!

broodwich11.mp3

Meatwad: I'm outta here. Worst day of my life.

Voice: Congratulations! you passed the test. You fended off the last temptation of the Broodwich.
Master Shake: Really? hey, what do I win? Hell, no, I'm not marrying this bag of bones!
Voice: Seriously?
Master Shake: Yes, seriously.
Voice: All right. congratulations! I know that I said the last one was it, but that was the last temptation of the Broodwich. You passed again. You're something else.
Master Shake: Yes, I am. What do I win now?
Voice: Free brain surgery!
Master Shake: That's what I'm talking about, baby! Hey, wait a minute.
Voice: Now eat 'em.