Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 33 - The Shaving

Click on the filename above the transcription to download the clip. Enjoy!

theshaving14.mp3

Dr. Weird: (baby talks spider) Where's your brother? Oh, here he comes! (Steve whines and screams) Shut the f*** up Steve, you're scaring him!!

theshaving1.mp3

Meatwad: Huh-uh. I done told ya now. This Halloween, you won't like me when I'm angry.
Master Shake: I don't like you ever. Now just hold still: You're about to be both Hall and Oates.
Meatwad: People ain't gonna get that!
Master Shake: ...yeah, you're right.

Master Shake: Too inside. Let me go get the blender. You can go as the Boston Philharmonic.
Meatwad: I ain't being no boogersnot orchestra. I'm the incredible plum.
Master Shake: No, you're not. Now, get in there.
Meatwad: All right. you know best. But just so we're clear, boy, don't make me angry.
Master Shake: Shut up. Just let the food ninja do the work.

theshaving2.mp3

Frylock: Shake, unplug that.
Master Shake: Oh, great. Look who just ruined Halloween. You know you're like the A-bomb! Everybody's laughin' and havin' a good time, then you show up. Boom! Everything's dead.
Frylock: Come on outta there, Meatwad.

Frylock: You're going to be the bachelor.
Meatwad: All right! But I can still be the plum, too, right?
Master Shake: No!
Meatwad: You better not say it.
Master Shake: No, no, no.
Meatwad: I'll get angry.
Frylock: Of course you can. Shake! The plum is a bachelor, too, Meatwad.
Meatwad: Yeah. He was so angry, he didn't understand the compromises you gotta go through building a lasting relationship.

theshaving3.mp3

Meatwad: He done like throw a car at a woman.
Master Shake: Plus: his genitals were purple.

Meatwad: What are you supposed to be, Frylock?
Frylock: Oh, don't mind me. I'm just a sailor on shore leave..

theshaving4.mp3

Frylock: From the Ship of the Damned!! Muah hah hah.
Meatwad: Okay.
Frylock: You know, the Ship of the Damned?
Meatwad: Nuh uh.
Frylock: Famous short story about a ship that had a hole in it?
Meatwad: No.
Master Shake: Yeah, just go put on your ballerina shoes get the rest of the outfit, be who you really are...Dr Zhivago. Yeah, you suck.
Frylock: I'll just go get the candy, okay?
Meatwad: He's gettin' candy!
Master Shake: I got ten bucks says he's wearing women's panties under that.

Meatwad: Under what?
Master Shake: I know what I said, Meatwad!
Meatwad: Okay, okay.
Master Shake: Don't repeat me!
Meatwad: Okay, okay.
Master Shake: I'm not a retard like you!
Willie Nelson: Gracious.
Master Shake: Oh, good one, Frylock. Which crappy book is this one from? "Onion of Arabia"?
Meatwad: Yeah, onion.
Frylock: Well, hey, look at this. Our first trick-or-treater.
Meatwad: Well, I thought he was you.
Frylock: No, no. See, I'm the haunted sailor from the--
Master Shake: We know. We heard where you're from, and it sucks!
Willie Nelson: Uh, I don't think you understand, man. I live here.
Frylock: Okay, okay. I get it. You're insane creature guy.
Willie Nelson: No, no. this isn't a costume. I live in the attic. I'm a monster.
Master Shake: Oh, no! Frylock, get the axe!
Willie Nelson: Uh, so, do you have any mail for me-- Willie Nelson?
Frylock: Willie nelson?
Willie Nelson: Not the Willie Nelson, but my name is Willie Nelson.
Master Shake: Wait a minute. I think we might have time to order an axe from a web site! Will we make it?
Frylock: That is weird.

theshaving5.mp3

Frylock: Weird.. Ya know, come to think of it we do occasionally get mail for a Willie Nelson. I used to forward it but now I just throw it out. Sorry.
Willie Nelson: Oh, good. Thanks. This isn't mine. I think I'll throw it out.
Master Shake: Hey! That was my window to the world!
Willie Nelson: Well now it's been shattered by the monster.

Willie Nelson: Pretty scary, right?
Master Shake: No!

theshaving6.mp3

Master Shake: Whats that word that's the exact opposite of scary?
Meatwad: Tacos?
Master Shake: Taco?! Where?! Get outta my way, those are mine I made them!

Willie Nelson: Ok, well, look, the scaring will resume when I get back to your attic.
Frylock: You live in the attic?
Master Shake: He has said that twice already! You're just now getting this?
Meatwad: There's a monster in the attic?
Willie Nelson: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Um, I was driven here by the villagers when I was doing 30 in a 25, and, um, I guess when I say villagers, it's more like this one guy. I really didn't know him. But, you know, I knew him, but it's not like we were buds or anything.
Master Shake: You want him to repeat that?
Frylock: No, I heard it.
Master Shake: Well, thanks for joining us now.
Frylock: What's up with the razor?
Willie Nelson: Oh. Well, I shave. Once every couple days. It's nerve-wracking. Uh, it's supposed to be.
Frylock: Well, it's not.
Meatwad: You shave up there?
Frylock: Well we wouldn't hear it anyway. I mean, we actually do have pretty good insulation up there.
Willie Nelson: I know. it's sweltering.

theshaving7.mp3

Willie Nelson: I mean do you guys have a fan or something? I mean, I'm just gonna borrow it. I'm not gonna keep it.
Master Shake: You are the gayest monster since gay came to Gaytown!
Willie Nelson: Whoaaa...

Willie Nelson: Whoa! easy! Where's this coming from?
Master Shake: No, let's get down to it. What I say is very baffling.
Frylock: Hey, hey! whoa, whoa, whoa, you two. We don't want any trouble here now, okay?
Willie Nelson: No, I'm with you. I don't think violence solves anything.
Master Shake: God, you're gay! You don't think violence solves anything? What kind of monster are you?
Willie Nelson: Look, I'm-- I'm pretty hardcore. I mean, I've been known to do a number on plenty of guys.
Master Shake: Do a number?

theshaving8.mp3

Master Shake: Yeah, I bet you do a number in your tights on broadway..which is where ya moved to after ya left Texas Chainsaw Mascara where you're from!

Willie Nelson: What's he talking about?
Master Shake: How much you want to bet me you couldn't scare jack?

theshaving9.mp3

Meatwad: Hey Carl!
Carl: Who's this? Your frickin' mother?
Willie Nelson: Uhh, no. Carl, it's your neighbor. Remember? Willie Nelson?

Willie Nelson: I was driven here by the villagers, and--
Meatwad: Well, villager.
Willie Nelson: Well, the villager, and--
Carl: Yeah, that's a great story. See ya.
Master Shake: All right. pay up. Let's go.
Willie Nelson: Hold on. The shaving. The shaving!
Carl: I'm calling the cops.
Frylock: He will do it. I'm out of here, man.
Willie Nelson: Then we better go.
Master Shake: What is this, "The Shaving, The Shaving!"? Get some edge, man.
Willie Nelson: Well, this has a triple edge, with special lubricating strip. This'll do a number.
Master Shake: You want to see how to scare the neighbor? Check this out.
Carl: What?
Master Shake: Hey, catch!
Meatwad: Hey, Carl!
Carl: Aah! Get him off! Get him off! Get him off!
Master Shake: It's too easy.
Willie Nelson: Whoa, cool. Hey, can I try that?
Master Shake: No. only I can do that. But I will show you the ways of a monster.

theshaving10.mp3

Master Shake: Come. Now remember you have no regard for human life, most especially women because they have the organs that you wish that you had so you wanna make a suit from them.
Willie Nelson: But I don't wanna make a suit from them.
Master Shake: Listen to me, that's how it's done. All you concern yourself with is kill, kill, kill, ya got it? None of this side crap cause its throwing you off!

Master Shake: And who's gonna stop you anyway? You're immortal.
Willie Nelson: Are you sure? that doesn't sound right.
Master Shake: Please, and do me another favor: Lose the shaving. Monsters don't groom themselves. They're friggin' maniacs! Oh! Okay. Now, whoa, what's this? It's John Q. Public. Hey, I'm just walking along the street, and suddenly a monster pops out and says--
Willie Nelson: What are you doing here?
Master Shake: Oh! damn it! No! no! no! Will you read the sheet?
Willie Nelson: Oh. Nice head, I think I'll take it.
Master Shake: There we go, but a little more feeling, okay? I can't want it for you, because they'll know.
Frylock: And--and wear this sailor's hat, too.
Master Shake: Oh! would you mind, please? We're working here.
Frylock: I just think the sailor's hat adds a nice--
Master Shake: It's gonna land us one of those rainbow flags to hang out front. Now, get out of here!
Willie Nelson: All right, I'm gonna roll. I'm on this.
Master Shake: Now, remember, the chain saws are electric, so you only got about 30 feet to play with. Now, go! Kill like crazy! Kill them!
Willie Nelson: Nice head, I think I'll take it. Nice head, I think I'll take it. Nice head, I think--

theshaving11.mp3

Willie Nelson: Crap..
Carl: WHAT?! What do you want?!
Meatwad: Yeah, what do you want?!
Willie Nelson: Um.. What're you doing here?
Carl: I live here ass****!
Willie Nelson: Yeah, I-I know.
Meatwad: And I'm just visiting.
Willie Nelson: Umm, hey. You didn't get any of my mail by mistake did ya? Willie Nelson?
Meatwad: Hang on, lemme look.
Carl: Eat me.

Willie Nelson: If it shows up, bring it over. If you dare. God, I suck.
Master Shake: Okay, sit down. Tell me. How did it go? You told them your name, right?
Willie Nelson: Uh-huh. Yeah. Blood Feast Island Man. Just like you said.
Master Shake: And? what else? Come on, don't be shy.

theshaving15.mp3

Willie Nelson: Well, of course, Blood-Feast Island Man does thirst for blood.
Master Shake: Yes, the thirst is part of his pain, because the Devil had sex with a dog, and your mother was that very dog.
Willie Nelson: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know all about that. And as you know, because you wrote it, I do feel the need to kill again.
Master Shake: You crave it!

Master Shake: And I guess our friend Carl knows that pretty well by now, you know what I mean?
Willie Nelson: Yeah, pretty much.
Master Shake: I think he got the point, you know what I mean? I'll get it. Oh, you sit there.
Carl: Here, have a taste, huh?
Master Shake: Oh! no! Don't touch me!
Meatwad: Hey, how you doing?
Willie Nelson: I'm going back to the attic.
Meatwad: I'm going back next door. He's got AC over there.
Master Shake: You didn't do jack, did you, Blood Feast Island Pansy? Which is your new name until you earn the right to kill.

Master Shake: Ring it again. Come on out, Carl! Touch the handle! Come on! We're not gonna do anything! Ring it again. he's in there.

theshaving16.mp3

Willie Nelson: Hey, uummm.. Are we trying to kill him or scare him?
Master Shake: Killing is scary. Come on, it's Halloween!

Willie Nelson: I don't know if I want to be a part of this.
Master Shake: Well, too late. This is your work. It's got your name all over it. Enough of this S***. Fine. Thanks, Carl. You know, we didn't want you to come out anyway! Why don't you stay in there and have a little more drinky-drinky on me? Lower the blood.
Willie Nelson: Which level is it? There's, like, 3 of them.
Master Shake: I said do it!
Carl: Aahhh!!!
Master Shake: Oh! Aah!
Willie Nelson: Okay, I got it. Hey, you hear me?
Meatwad: Hell yeah!!

theshaving12.mp3

Carl: Hahaha, yeah! That was frickin' awesome!
Meatwad: Yeah, gimme some skin!
Carl: No thank you. I think I got enough of your skin on my face here.
Meatwad: Come on, boy. I know where he lives; we gonna scare him good!

Master Shake: Okay, let's review. What happened?
Willie Nelson: Uh, well, we did it, guy. High five.
Master Shake: All right. Over here, please.
Willie Nelson: You should have seen the look on his face. Oh, you did see it. you were there.
Master Shake: Oh, no, I did. And I guess my eyes rolled back into my head once it reached the height of demonification.
Willie Nelson: Oh, you're right. I looked over, that's what you were doing.
Master Shake: Yeah, well, that's typical with dark powers of this nature, and Carl is freaking right now.
Willie Nelson: Yeah, yeah. what's left of him.
Master Shake: Yeah. Haha! well, you got me there.
Willie Nelson: Okay, well, I'm gonna go back up to the attic, get some juice, recharge my batteries.
Master Shake: Well, you rest up, because Carl's just the beginning. Tonight shall be forever.

theshaving13.mp3

Frylock: Hey, Willie? You up there?
Willie Nelson: Yeah, come on up.
Frylock: I actually found some mail for you.
Willie Nelson: I just gotta get the light. There we go. Oh, it's just a missing persons thing? Oh wait- Hey, I know this guy.
Frylock: Oh, God.
Willie Nelson: Hang on, he's over here.
Master Shake: Hey, I just wanted to check out the di-- Oh my God no!
Willie Nelson: Yeah, I'm sorry. It's a total mess right now. It's usually not like this.
Meatwad: Booo!! Hahah, I had you goin'..
Carl: Hey.. wait a second here..
Meatwad: Oh my Goodness...
Willie Nelson: JUICE!! (Carl screams as Willie drinks his blood) Oh, I'm sorry. Did anyone want some juice?