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Meatwad beats Frylock with a piñata stick
Frylock: No! Meatwad! Ow! Ow! Meatwad: Break, stupid! Frylock: Meatwad, the piñata is over THERE! Meatwad: Where is it? Here? Frylock: Ow! You’re the birthday boy. Let’s just take off the blindfold. Maybe you could— Meatwad: Where is it, back here? Frylock: Meatwad! (blows up piñata with his eye bolts) Hooray, Meatwad! You hit it, see? Meatwad: Alright! Where’s the candy? Frylock: Look, you got a cake. Who needs candy? Come on, Meatwad. Meatwad: (hits cake with piñata stick) Is there candy in there? Frylock: Look, just get your damn friends in here.
spiritjourneyformationanniversary1.mp3 Meatwad: Frylock, I am friends with a toilet paper tube, an apple, and a box. I'm crazy in the head. Boxy: Welll. You gonna diss me, boy.. diss me to my face. Meatwad: Boxy, please. Don't take it like that. Boxy: Well how am I supposed to take it, then? Meatwad: We just wanna celebrate my birthday with some cake. Boxy: I don't want no cake.. I want me some pie.. You understand what I'm sayin'? Meatwad: No, sir. Boxy: Well, lemme break it down. You know when you're in the shower with some fine, foxy hoochey-mama, and she got that-- Meatwad: What?! Frylock: Uh.. Meatwad? Meatwad: I dunno if I believe that. I've seen action figures without their pants, they ain't got that. Frylock: Uh, Meatwad Meatwad: Shhh, he is talkin' here! Frlyock: Oh, I mean I don't mean to interrupt.. Meatwad: Watch out, he's got a knife! Frylock: Okay, Okay, Boxy.. Put the knife down..
spiritjourneyformationanniversary13.mp3 Frylock: Let's all sing 'Happy Birthday', ready? Happy- Boxy: Uh-uh Happy Birthday. Uh-uh Happy Birthday, birthday. Master Shake: Hold up, stop! Don't sing.
Master Shake: Hold on a second! Frylock: Oh, look who showed up. I thought you said you didn’t do birthdays. Master Shake: Do them? I am responsible for the paradigm shift in birthdays and how they will be viewed in the following century. Meatwad opens Shake’s present Frylock: Shake, what the hell is that? Master Shake: You know the birthday song? Yeah, the famous one that usually puts everybody to sleep? Frylock: Oh yeah, you mean the one we were trying to sing when you interrupted? Master Shake: Well kiss that snooze-fest goodbye, because I wrote a new one, and from now on whenever someone blows out candles or unties a ribbon, THIS is what their waitresses will be singing (turns on tape machine):
spiritjourneyformationanniversary2.mp3 Spirit Journey Formation Anniversary: Deep within the wall of time, a creature thus be born. See the mighty united with the egg of tyranny. Check this force within the womb of life for three-quarter but night yeah, The creature thus be born. The creature thus be born. [guitar solo]
Master Shake: This is Zakk Wylde. Meatwad: This is Ozzy’s old guy? Master Shake: The man knows his way around five strings.
spiritjourneyformationanniversary12.mp3 Frylock: You're telling me that this is the new birthday song? Master Shake: Gee willikers, it must be obvious day on Camp Stupid!
Frylock: Geddy? Master Shake: Geddy Lee, lead singer of Rush. Meatwad: Rush! Geddy Lee! (sings) Fly by night-- Master Shake: Will you shut up when the big people are talking. He happens to be extremely highly paid for his input on this project. Frylock: Tell me this fades out right here. Master Shake: Alright, hang on. See this is where you’re supposed to say the number of years. I’m gonna rewind it. You do it. Alright, here we go. Meatwad: Okay. Zakk Wylde sings: O ye of yeeeears... Master Shake: Say it! How many years are you!? Frylock: Just say how old you are, Meatwad. O ye of yeeeears... Meatwad: I don’t know. Master Shake: Alright, you’re just ruining the song. What are you, 55? 56? Meatwad: Yes, I’m 55. Master Shake: (sings): Fify-five bells… song continues
Frylock: You gotta be kidding, Shake. No one’s gonna sing this. Master Shake: Well they better, cuz otherwise how am I going to pay Zakk Wylde for his priceless participation in my project? See I gotta get royalties on this. Frylock: Okay, it’s done, right? Master Shake: Hang on. We’re going to repeat this verse again, and then there’s another verse about the death cycle, which Zakk and I both feel is really important in the piece. Frylock: That’s it. This sucks.
Meatwad: Can I blow out the candles now? Cuz there’s wax all over my cake. Master Shake: Of course. It’s your birthday. But you gotta cough up the royalties first. Frylock: How much did that cost you, Shake? Master Shake: I’m so tired of people in the private sector. Look, every business has an initial investment, okay? Everybody has birthdays and they all need to sing.
spiritjourneyformationanniversary4.mp3 Frylock: How much did it cost?! Master Shake: I guess we'll start with travel. Zakk, as you well know, travels by a train of white stallions...which I had to buy and feed. And of course, the snow machine.. Frylock: Gimme that! 1.4 million dollars?! Master Shake: The money is gonna roll right in. You know how many birthdays there are a year? There are hundreds...literally hundreds.
Schooly-D: Shake-zula ain’t got no business in business.
Master Shake: You see this!? How much can a horse eat!? They’re white, they gotta be bleached! What the hell is this crap!? Frylock: Uh, Shake, I got Zakk’s people on the phone. Here. They still haven’t gotten the check. Master Shake: Well I haven’t gotten their invoice. Tell them to re-fax it. Frylock: Uh-uh, you tell them. Master Shake: (throws the phone through the TV screen) How are we gonna do that?
Knock on the door
Master Shake: Wait, okay. If that’s the guy about the house, tell him I’ll be right there. Frylock: House? Master Shake: Yeah
spiritjourneyformationanniversary5.mp3 Frylock: You put the house up for sale?! Master Shake: Yeah.. just so we can get some..cash flow..goin. Frylock: Shake, we rent the house! We don't own it! Master Shake: Yeah, I know that, I have no intention of leaving. But we need money.
Master Shake: Hey, how are you doing? So you saw the sign? I guess you want to take a look at the house. I mean, we have a couple other people coming later today. It’s really a lucky thing you stopped by. Homeless guy : Trees…I take care of them…I’m a tree wizard. Master Shake: Hey, that is great! Come on in. I got a tray of muffins here. One! Take ONE! Homeless guy : Tree wizard…six dollars and forty-eight cents…
spiritjourneyformationanniversary6.mp3 Master Shake: As you can see, it's fully furnished. 2-0, no bathroom and that is by design. We don't want people to mess things up with their waste, ya know what I'm sayin'?
Master Shake: …Right, of course you do, you know what I’m saying. And as you can see the phone is highly cordless.
spiritjourneyformationanniversary7.mp3 Hobo: Alabama, albalma, alabalma... Master Shake: Yes, absolutely. We are convieniently located adjacent to Alabama.
Master Shake: What else? Oh, and in the back there’s a ton of science equipment, that’s gotta be worth something. Frylock: That stuff’s not for sale. Master Shake: Bring a muffin, it’s back here. Frylock: Shake, he’s gone, and so is the TV. Meatwad: And the muffins too. Master Shake: I’m sorry, did I not bury you in the backyard? Stay away from the muffins! Frylock: Shake, look at this. We got another potential buyer. Meatwad: Hey y’all, it’s snowin’! They’re gonna cancel school! Master Shake: Oh no, what kind of car is it? Don’t tell me it’s a chariot driven by a chain of white stallions. Frylock: Oh, it’s a chariot driven by a chain of white stallions. Master Shake: Oh hell, it’s Zakk! You gotta cover for me! I wasn’t here!
spiritjourneyformationanniversary8.mp3 Zakk Wylde: Yo. Is Milkshake here? Frylock: No, no no. Zakk Wylde: The beatin' I'm about to put on him is gonna be indescribable. Meatwad: He's in the back. Go ahead and get him. Zakk Wylde: Oh, thanks. Nice place, by the way.
Zakk Wylde: Hey! I see ya! Master Shake: Zakk, my man! I’ve been looking all over for you. Thank God you stopped by. No, NO! Put that down. Zakk Wylde: (smashes Shake in the head with the ax)So where’s my money? Master Shake: Owwww! Is this really about money? I thought it was about the love. I thought it was about the music. Zakk: No, it’s about the money. Master Shake: The jack is gonna start rolling in. You know that live event I alluded to? It’s happening. And I want you to check out this venue cuz we’ve got an exclusive booking, baby.
Abandoned Pizza Potamus
Master Shake: See, kids love pizza, and they love squalor. Meatwad’s already experiencing our interactive fun zone.
spiritjourneyformationanniversary9.mp3 Meatwad: Which wire you can eat and which one you can't? Frylock: Meatwad, put that down! Meatwad: I know, Dad. Don't eat the hot lead. But the grounds pretty tasty, isn't it? Frylock: No!
Master Shake: Frylock, will you please calm down. I know we have to have rubber mats put in, because the kids, the kids need to be grounded. Meatwad: This asbestos is itchy. Frylock: You’re just gonna blast that dumb-ass song in here, aren’t you? Master Shake: Not me. The kids are coming to see the Black Mountain Scorpion Ho-down Bluegrass Experience Gang! Featuring Zakk Wylde on washtub bass! Zakk? Did we not do the sound check? Zakk: Uh, no, jackass, I’m not working with any plastic scorpions. These things are beyond gay. Master Shake: Zakk, the song needs exposure, and the only way to do that is to tour. Zakk: Dumbass. Take a look. These things are bolted into the ground. Master Shake: Well, yeah, we’re talking about wicked, poisonous scorpions. There are gonna be children here, I mean come on! Zakk: Okay, where’s Geddy? Master Shake: Geddy? Geddy who? Frylock: Geddy Lee. Master Shake: I don’t know, I don’t know who you’re talking about. Meatwad: Of Rush! Of salesmen? (sings from “The Spirit of Radio”) Of salesmen— Frylock: You swore to God that he would be here.
spiritjourneyformationanniversary10.mp3 Master Shake: Umm. Geddy's people said that he was heavily involved in his solo album. Zakk Wilde: He wouldn't do it, would he? Master Shake: Well, of course he would do it if-- Zakk Wilde: If ya had the money! Master Shake: Well, mostly I was dealing with...the maid who answers the phone at his house. But I have told Consuela several times...he's getting a post-it on the fridge, I do know that!
Zakk: Why did I ever get wasted and work with you? I mean this isn’t even a real microphone. It’s a stick with a marshmallow on it. Master Shake: The room is intimate. Just project, project. Zakk: Project WHAT!? I don’t even know what the f*** you’re talking about! Master Shake: You gotta go from the diaphragm. Zakk: I mean I was f***ing wasted when we recorded it! Master Shake: Just follow Deadly’s lead on this. He knows this song like the back of his stinger. And watch out for the stingers. They will kill you. Come on, Meatwad, come out and dance. Meatwad: What are those, big roaches? Master Shake: No, they’re scorpions. You want to meet them? Meatwad: Scorpions! No! Master Shake: Hey, Zakk Mild, let’s kick it up a notch. What do you want, a drink? You need some pills? Need me to get some bitches? Zakk: Uh, no. I ain’t doing this.
spiritjourneyformationanniversary11.mp3 Scorpion 1: I know what you mean, I'm not really feelin' it because I can't feel like humans, ya know? If only there was some way.. Scorpion 2: Say man, I don't know if it's that. I feel..I just think the song sucks. Scorpion 1: Is it-is it that it sucks? Or you just wanna go do like.. solo thing. Is that-is that what you goin' do? Scorpion 2: Yeah, maybe if I do that I will! (Both Scorpions draw their weapons) Hey man.. don't pull it out unless you gonna use it! (Explosion)
Outside
(Meatwad pulls a crispy Frylock and Shake in the “Danger Cart,” humming “Tom Sawyer” by Rush)
Master Shake: Can I just say that when I ordered them I had no idea that they came armed with laser canons. She probably charged me extra too. Frylock: So what are you going to tell Zakk’s wife and children? Master Shake: You saw him. The guy was drunk and out of contol. Frylock: What’s that jet doing in our yard? Master Shake: Oh hell, what does it look like? Frylock: It’s in the shape of a bass guitar and it’s painted with a giant owl— Master Shake: --swooping down from the moon, I know. It’s Geddy’s jet. Floor it! We’ve gotta get the hell out of here! Meatwad: Oh yeah, hi, Geddy (sings from “Tom Sawyer”) The river-- Master Shake: Shut up! Just keep driving. Don’t look at him. Go, go, go. Frylock: Where are we going? Master Shake: Mexico, Mexico! Ándale!
