Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 30 - Total Re-Carl

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totalrecarl16.mp3

Dr. Weird's Answering Machine: Gentleman, you have reached Dr. Weird's residence. Now speak at the tone!
Deck Salesman: Hello Dr Wired--Wired? Weird?
Dr. Weird: Steve, send the phone spiders.
Deck Salesman: This is Jay Edwards with Chauna Construction Company. With spring here we thought you might be interested in a new deck-- Ahh! Spiders!!
Dr. Weird: I guess we're not interested!! Hahaha!

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Frylock: Carl? Carl? Yo, Carl! Open the door!
Carl: Dammit.
Frylock: I got a gift for you.
Carl: Go away. Go away! So tired of this.. Friggin' go away, you freak.

totalrecarl1.mp3

Frylock: Carl, did you lose something behind the couch?
Carl: Yeah, I did. I lost peace and quiet! What do you need? What do you want? Can I not just live here without having to occasionally deal with you animals?!
Frylock: Well yeah. It's your house.
Carl: That's right it is.
Frylock: And look what I just added to it!
Carl: Oh, nice. A crapper.

Frylock: That's no ordinary toilet, Carl. That toilet is environmentally friendly. Do you know how much water is used up when you flush the toilet?
Carl: I give. What?
Frylock: 3 gallons.
Carl: Wow. What a waste. The poor children.

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Frylock: This one uses highly compressed air, creating a super vacuum which completely obliterates all waste upon impact.
Carl: Oh, goodie! So I should just sorta let the neighbors know that I'm gonna be kinda, ya know, exposing myself 4-5 times a day, depending on what I eat? Maybe we could sell some tickets. Come by and take pictures! This is where I do my business from now on!

Frylock: No, no no. This is the best part, Carl. Press this button and an infared privacy curtain is activated, rendering you virtually invisible!
Carl: Oh, okay. You know, sorta like that movie 'Predator'. Only instead of huntin' people, he's like crappin'.
Frylock: Or the Hollow Man. I mean, you choose your science fiction fantasy: You'll be living it every time you go to the bathroom!

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Frylock: Go ahead, try it out.
Carl: I don't need to go right now.
Frylock: Oh, that's cool. I mean, I'll wait.
Carl: No, you won't.
Frylock: Oh, I get it. You want to be alone when you go to the... Oh, Carl. By the way, we also made you a little care package for your new adventure.
Carl: Oh boy, fiber tablets. Yum, yum.
Frylock: Oh yeah! Dip them in the stool softener, I mean, it's delicious. ...There's espresso there too if--
Carl: LEAVE!

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Meatwad: Hey.. did he do number 2 yet?
Frylock: Damn! He drank all the coffee and half of those tablets--and he still hasn't gone.
Meatwad: Shoot, I bet he's gonna poop himself inside out! He's gonna lift right off the ground! It's gonna be like the Hulk ripping outta the back of his pants.
Frylock: Shut up, Meatwad!
Meatwad: Okay. It's gonna smell like a papermill, you know that don't ya?

Meatwad: Why are we doing this? This seems sick.
Frylock: Well, the Super-Toilet needs to be tested on humans before I can actually apply for a patent.
Meatwad: Well he ain't gonna poop in the yard. I mean, he'll go inside to do that.
Frylock: Not if his door's locked.
Carl: Hey, God! Come on, I gotta go!
Meatwad: I just can't go, ya know, when people watchin.
Master Shake: We don't need a toilet. The pile of clothes in the hallway has worked fine for us for years and it will continue to work!
Meatwad: I don't know who's clothes that is. Somebody ain't wearin' that again. I tell ya that.
Carl: Where's the invisible thing. Ah, screw it, I gotta do this.
FrylocK: Oh, oh. Shut up. He's about to sit down.
Master Shake: Lemme see. Lemme see! I don't wanna see that!! Nobody wants to see that! What're you trying to do? Kill me?!
Meatwad: I thought you was gonna make him invisible when he does that?
Frylock: Hell no! I can't afford to do that.
Master Shake: That has been burned into my retinas!

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Frylock: Look, we'll be cool as long as the police don't drive by. Put down the phone, Shake.
Master Shake: What? I was cleaning--the dial--it's very dirty.

Carl: Look at them bras! Heheheh.
Narrator: I ain't trying to watch Carl take no criz-nap baby.

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Master Shake: He's just sitting there reading.. with his pants down. Naked, I might add. And for God's sake, burn those moles off, will ya?
Frylock: Do you realize that every time someone--
Master Shake:Yes, I know. 3 gallons! 3 gallons! Hoop-dee-damn doo.
Meatwad: Hoop-de-damn doo doo.
Master Shake: Shut up! I said that first and you copied me.
Meatwad: You did not!
Master Shake: I did too. Do. To do. See, I did it again!

Master Shake: I'm pretty good!
Frylock: Shut up?! You're ruining my moment.
Master Shake: Yeah, your moment. His movement. I got a book comin out!
Carl: Okay. That wasn't too bad. Where's the frickin' flush on this thing? Ahh, oh God!
Meatwad: Oh, dizamn.

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Meatwad: Gentleman, we have the technology. We can re-build him.

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Meatwad: And here ya go, Carl. You may feel a little stiffness tomorrow, but that'll be natural. Hey, just while we're on the subject, can I use your pool?
(Meatwad doing Carl): Yes, Meatwad, you may.
Meatwad: Okay. Thank you.

Frylock: So there's the head! Meatwad, I've been looking all over for that thing!

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Meatwad: Oh, don't act like it's yours. It's Carl's head and he been using it to tell me I can go swimming and--and uh. Hey, can I drink some beer?
(Meatwad doing Carl): Help yourself, it's in the back.
Meatwad: And drink his beer.
Master Shake: You know what, Carl? I thank you and I will take you up on your generous offer and have some of your beer.
(Meatwad doing Carl): Shake can't have any.

Meatwad: You tell 'em Carl!
FrylocK: Look, this head can't stay unattached from Carl's body for too long.
Meatwad: Look, he's attached!
Master Shake: It ain't goin' nowhere. It's bungy'ed to the tree!
Frylock: Shut the f*** up Shake, you know what I mean!

Meatwad: What's this thing here?
Frylock: I'm keeping his head alive with electrical impulses. And the computer is able to translate his brain output into text.
Meatwad: Really?!

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Meatwad: Is that an F? He's droppin' F-bombs over here!
Frylock: Don't look over here, Meatwad. These are just words you don't need to learn.
Meatwad: I'm gonna start droppin' F-bombs. Listen to this: Fart you, fart head.
Master Shake: That's not how F-bombs are dropped, you idgit!
Frylock: Oh, come on Shake!
Meatwad: Oh, the fart it is, farter. Fart all y'all, y'all go fart yourselves.

Master Shake: Hey, Chief. Where do you want this?
Frylock: You drove that thing through town?!
Master Shake: It's cool, I stayed on the shoulder the whole way.
Frylock: Well at least bring it through the back, damn!
Meatwad: Yeah, you heard'em. Bring it through the fartin' back!
Frylock: Dammit, Shake!
Master Shake: You said the back! What is this? The front now?

Frylock: All the nerves are connected. I think we're ready! Carl, can you hear me?
Carl: Wha, wha happened there.
Frylock: What--well--Well we don't know. We're just glad you're all right. I mean, you don't remember what happened, do you?

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Carl: I remember some things. I'm just not too clear on being so old and black. Why am I black? And where did I get this suit? It's ridiculous.

Master Shake: This is not a time for you to be picky, Carl. That's all you can get when you go to the West End.
Carl: Get it off, rip it off. What am I doing, oh God!
Frylock: Oh no! The body's rejecting the head!
Carl: Oh, ya think?! Get it off me!
Frylock: Hang on!
Meatwad: So did it work?
Master Shake: Of course it worked!
Frylock: No it didn't!
Master Shake: Of course it worked not at all. Which is what I was trying to say, before I was so rudely interrupted.
Frylock: Take this body back, and not through town!

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Master Shake: Mail call!!!

Master Shake: Frylock, letter for you, Meatwad... get a life! The rest, for me!
Frylock: Oh, good! The Passaic Organ Bank!
Master Shake: Oh yeah, I dealt with these yacko's directly.
Frylock: "Dr. Frylock: While we appreciate your interest in body construction research, we cannot legally send you a quote-unquote 'buttload of organs' regardless on whether we plan on using them."
Master Shake: I didn't say 'buttload'! I said, 'assload'! Beauracrats! To think, I was polite with these people, that's the worst part.
Meatwad: What's that big ol' box outside?
Frylock: Yes! Someone did respond!
Meatwad: Ooo. It's soggy. Who the fart is it from?
Frylock: Wegotussomemedicalwaste.com

Master Shake: You call this organic?!
Frylock: Well you look in the box! All they sent were eyeballs!
Master Shake: I'm not going near that box.
Frylock: Let's just see if it works.
Master Shake: Wait a minute. Before you turn him on: Do you think he'll be able to see us?
Frylock: In ways you can only imagine.

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Master Shake: But look, I mean...is he gonna be able to chase us? `Cause if I woke up lookin' like that, I would just run toward the nearest living thing and kill it.

Meatwad: Hey, ya'll. Check me out. I'm Shaun Cassidy.
Frylock: Would you put those back! They're not for you!
Master Shake: Yeah, that's a good one. What the hell are you talking about?
Meatwad: Well, he was a Hardy Boy and they was private eyes... plus he had like ten eyes in his head.
Master Shake: Okay, I'll give it to ya.
Carl: Hello, is anyone here? Why do my knees feel like they wanna tear up?
Frylock: Carl! It works!
Carl: What works?
Master Shake: All of them! Look! Get it when I say 'look'? Come on!!
Frylock: Yeah, yeah. Carl, just walk over here.
Master Shake: You gotta study me, like a pupil! Like a pupil-- hahaha.
Carl: Okay, hang on a sec. Ahhhhh, oh, that hurts so bad!!
Frylock: Oh, don't worry about that Carl. Right now your feet are made of eyeballs, but they'll toughen up over time.

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Carl: May I see a mirror, please?
Master Shake: All right, here ya go.. Shaun Cassidy.
Carl: Whoa, whoa whoa whoa.. Oohhhh, gross!!
Master Shake: What're you, an idiot? You've never heard of Shaun Cassidy?

Carl: So that explains the breeze I've been feeling... in my thighs.
Frylock: Well we'll craft some synthetic lids, and then you'll be able to walk around normally.
Carl: Oh why do that? Why don't we just blow my brains out now and save yourself some time?!
Frylock: Look, Carl. This is gonna hurt, but try to take another step towards me.
Carl: Oh believe me, I will. I'm coming for ya. Give me a hug Fryman!
Frylock: That's kinda tight!
Carl: I'm gonna hug the breath right out of ya!
Frylock: Meatwad unplug him! Okay, plan C.

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Frylock: I give you the ultimate in military hardware! Complete with laser cannon, indestructible titanium exoskeleton, and motion activated plasma pulse rifles.
Master Shake: And you're gonna plug him in?!
Frylock: You're right. Damn. What the hell was I thinking?
Meatwad: Fudge.
Frylock: That's not an F-bomb.
Meatwad: Fudge you.

Carl: Turn it left. Turn it left! I keep hittin' the same spot. Look, you're gonna break my frickin' nose.
Frylock: Oh, sorry Carl. I still haven't gotten the hang of it--
Carl: Just give me the damn thing!!

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Frylock: Here, this little steering wheel makes it go left and right, and this switch here is power.
Carl: Which button sorta turns me to the lawyer and makes me sue the hell outta you?
Frylock: All right, easy Carl. Now, don't make me have to shut the power off.
Carl: D-d-d-don't do that. Just sorta put it on my chin. I'll uh--frickin' steer it with my tongue.

Frylock: That may not work. Let's just get Meatwad to drive ya home. Meatwad!
Master Shake: Get him off me, please!!!
Meatwad: Yes?
Master Shake: I didn't mean it! Everything I say to you, I mean about myself!
Meatwad: Shut up, 'fore I make it worse!
Frylock: Not in the house!!
Master Shake: No-no-no-no I need to live!!!
Meatwad: Zone in-target. Got him! Fudge you, butthole!