Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 5 - Balloonenstein

Click on the filename above the transcription to download the clip. Enjoy!

balloonenstein1.mp3

Dr. Weird: Gentlemen.. Feast your eyes.. Vortex opens up
Steve: What the hell?
Dr. Weird: Feats yours eyes! Dammit!!!!

balloonenstein2.mp3

Carl: Ohh! Sweet, sweet nectar. It's like my pool is tearin' ass around the backyard, but it's stayin' still. Still waters run deep.
Master Shake: Yeah, Carl! Sweet! That is tricked out my friend. Turbo! Very sweet--
Carl: You stay away from it because you are weird.

Carl: (Vortex opens in the sky) Oh, what did you do?
Master Shake: FRYLOCK!
Carl: You just had to get into my pool, just didn’t you?
Frylock: Oh my God!
Master Shake: Yeah, I know, the water, it’s all gone!
Carl: Someone get over here and help me!
Frylock: Shake, get the hose.
Master Shake: I got it. Just hit the water. It’s the blue knob.
Carl: Oh God!
Master Shake: Awww, you’re using it for that? Hurry up, this pool is bone dry.
Carl: What are you talking about? I’m about to get sucked into outer space!
Frylock: Hang on tight to that end, and whatever you do, do not let go!
Master Shake: Just go. I’ve got you.
Frylock: Grab my potatoes, Carl.
Carl: Sure, why not?
Frylock: Okay, reel me in, Shake! Shake?
Carl: Yeah those gutters aren’t tacked on.
Frylock: SHAKE?!
Carl: GOD!!

balloonenstein3.mp3

Master Shake: Meatwad, it's spaghetti time! Oh, boy! Spaghetti, huh?
Meatwad: All right! Spaghetti! Now that's Italian!
Master Shake: Yeah, it is! There it is! Eat it!
Meatwad: That don't look like no spaghetti at all.
Master Shake: Puts TV cord on plate with silverware There, now it's spaghetti. Now eat it.
Meatwad: This noodle's black and it's hooked up to the TV set.
Master Shake: Put it in your mouth, come on!
Meatwad: You're messin' with me, aren't you?
Master Shake: Oh, you're right. I'm very sorry. The real spaghetti got wet went I was boiling it, so it's in the dryer.
Meatwad: Well why didn't you say so, it's probably dry by now. Let's get it!

Meatwad: Spaghetti? Now remember, I like it spicy!
Master Shake: Ha ha ha! So stupid!
Meatwad: Hey, wait a second! Why's it spinnin'?
Narrator: Come on, think about it, Meatwad! It's a dryer, man! Of course it's gonna spin!
Frylock: Oh, damn. What dimension was that?

balloonenstein4.mp3

Frylock: Carl, your hands!
Carl: Yeah, I know, I see 'em. They are very big. Whelp, it was fun. I'm gonna go take a nap now and then I think I'm gonna call, uh, some hospitals.

Master Shake: Frylock! Thank God you’re alive!
Frylock: You let go of the hose, didn’t you?
Master Shake: I had to, Frylock. I had a load of laundry.
Frylock: You don’t wear clothes, Shake!
Master Shake: 'Cause none of them are clean! Every time I try to clean them you have to enter some vortex or something, it’s ridiculous! Why don’t you marry the vortex if you love it so much?
Meatwad: Help me!
Frylock: What was that?
Master Shake: Oh!
Meatwad: Get me outta here!
Master Shake: Those were my talking pants!
Meatwad: Ain’t no talking pants in here, it’s me!
Master Shake: They say help me every time you open the fly, it’s very annoying.
Frylock: Where’s Meatwad?
Master Shake: I don’t know, how should I know?
Frylock: I brought back some presents for-
Master Shake: Presents? You brought presents? Where are they?
Meatwad: Presents? What’d you get me?
Master Shake: Oh! There he is! I found him in the dryer! What are you doing in there?
Meatwad: You KNOW what I was doin’ in there.
Frylock: Oh hold on Meatwad, you got a sock on your- (Zapped by sock) Damn!
Meatwad: What have you done to me?
Master Shake: We getting the presents now, or what? (Shocked by Meatwad) AUGH Frylock! Get him off me!
Frylock: Move him toward the ceiling fan.
Meatwad: Oh okay, yeah.
Master Shake: No, not towards the ceiling fan... Oof!
Meatwad: Shoo! That was cool, I like that. How’d I do it?
Master Shake: You shall never do that again! Ever!
Frylock: That looked to be a static-induced electrical beam.
Meatwad: (Couch slides over to Meatwad) Ouch.

balloonenstein5.mp3

Frylock: How long were you in that dryer?
Meatwad: Like a week!
Master Shake: No, it was like 3 days. It wasn't a week!

Meatwad: Where are the presents?
Master Shake: Yeah, where are the presents? What is this?
Frylock: Look, it’s a letter opener, and some stationary, and some pencils!
Meatwad: Oh boy, I’d probably use this all the time if I knew how to write. Thank you Frylock, that is so sweet.
Frylock: You’re very welcome, Meatwad.
Master Shake: Yeah, thanks for nothing.
Meatwad: Hey Frylock, can I get an education with all this?
Master Shake: Teachers don’t want to come over here- No wait... AUGH!
Narrator: Damn, Shake! Heh heh... man that’s got to hurt.

balloonenstein6.mp3

Meatwad: Shake! Where is my popcicle?
Master Shake: Please, wait a second.
Meatwad: I require a popsicle every 15 minutes; you obviously did not read the memo.
Master Shake: Is this your memo? I didn't even know what this is!
Meatwad: You sicken me with your lies.
Master Shake: I'll make you some right away.
Meatwad: Make me some? Please, do not insult what little intelligence I have. I need it now.
Master Shake: Then I'll go to the store, please sir.
Meatwad: Yes you will. Now what is the magic word, bitch?
Master Shake: Please, let me go to the store and get popsicles for you. Thank you, sire.
Meatwad: That's right. YOu better run, boy. And bring back some chocolate syrup, too or your fate is sealed.

Meatwad: Hey, what you doin’?
Frylock: Just doing a little day trading. I’m purchasing a hundred fifty shares of- (Meatwad zaps his computer) nothing.
Meatwad: Well, that’s good. You wanna play Clamdigger?
Frylock: You just fried my hard drive.
Meatwad: Oh, well... hey, let’s play freeze tag! You don’t need a computer for that!
Frylock: No, let’s play "Get Away From Frylock’s Expensive Equipment And Go Outside So He Can Call His Broker."
Meatwad: How do we play that game?

Carl: Aw, geez, these are raw.
Meatwad: Well, hey back at you, neighbor. How you doin’?
Carl: Don’t talk to me. And get off my grass. Everywhere you go it turns brown.
Meatwad: Yeah, I’m real sorry about that, I notice that too. I guess you want me in the pool, so that I’m off the grass, right?
Carl: Yeah, get in my pool. I really want a big pot of five hundred gallons of stew.
Meatwad: All right, this is gonna be a one and a half, but you gotta watch my face, 'cause otherwise you can’t tell if I’m spinnin’.
Frylock: Meatwad! No!
Meatwad: Here we go!
Carl: (Gets shocked and goes flying) AHH! Oh...
Meatwad: Carl? You okay?
Carl: My heart.

balloonenstein10.mp3

Frylock: Dammit, Meatwad. Everywhere you go something dies or gets hurt!
Meatwad: Everybody hates me because they die or get hurt. Well Squirrelly doesn't hate me. He loves me! Where's my buddy Squirrelly?
Frylock: Oh here he is. I found him face up in the hallway after your last little hug.
Meatwad: Squirrely no! Squirrelly! Squirrely!
Frylock: Yeah, I think you better stop huggin' him now. He's starting to smoke.
Meatwad: Noooo!!!!!

Meatwad: Get this power out of me, Frylock. Call a priest, do what you have to do. But I need an exorcism.
Frylock: No no, you don’t need an exorcism. You need a Balloonism!
Narrator: A balloonism? Man, what the hell you talkin’ about, Frylock? Ain’t no such thing. A balloonism, huh?

Frylock: Now just rub this up and down your body slowly, so it will absorb the electricity.
Meatwad: Yeah um, can I have a little privacy?
Frylock: Oh oh, sure. Of course.
Master Shake: Will this hurt him?
Frylock: It shouldn’t.
Master Shake: Then WHY are we doing it?
Meatwad: Frylock, I’m just- I’m just not feelin’ it here.
Frylock: Here, let me see it. (Shapes into Squirrel) Oh look! It’s Squirrely!
Meatwad: All right, Squirrely! Y’all step out now, I think I got this covered.
Master Shake: The second, and I mean the very SECOND that he is out of that power, I am going to beat his brain so far into his-
Meatwad: You say something, Shake?
Master Shake: Oh nothing, sire!
Frylock: What the--
Master Shake: Aw, what the HELL is this?

balloonenstein11.mp3

Master Shake: Now look what you've done! You've created a Balloonenstein!
Meatwad: Squirrelly, no. Don't go so high. Come back to Daddy, you-- Ahh!. (Squirrelly shoots electricity at Meatwad)

Frylock: Damn! He’s feeding on my energy.
Master Shake: You don’t even know what you’re doing, do you?
Frylock: We need to pop it, Shake.
Master Shake: All right, here’s the plan.

balloonenstein7.mp3

Master Shake: Get the letter opener and pencils and load 'em in my straw. All right. Am I loaded? Am I ready to go? They're all in there, right?
Frylock: Yeah, let 'er rip.
Master Shake: starts chasing Meatwad This is for shooting me in the roof and sending me to the store, and making me call you sire! fires green goop
Meatwad: You're weak.

Frylock: Oh no, the wind’s picking up.
Master Shake: Well that’s good, right? I mean, he’s out of our hair. Hey, go wind. You know what I mean?
Frylock: He’s headed towards the ocean, Shake.
Master Shake: The ocean? Oh no. The beach. Aqua Teen Hunger Force, assemble!

Frylock: There he is.
Master Shake: Yes, there he is, but I’m not parking here. I know there’s something closer than this.
Frylock: There’s no time.
Master Shake: Come back here! I can’t carry the cooler by myself! (Cooler smashes on the ground) Oh great.
Frylock: Glass! That’s it! Meatwad!
Meatwad: What? I’m about to go swimmin’.

balloonenstein8.mp3

Frylock: I need your brain.
Meatwad: For what? I need my brain.
Frylock: Look, I need to create a cavity inside of you so you'll float then all I need you to do is roll around in this broken glass for a little bit. Come on, it'll be fun.
Meatwad: What are you talkin' about? Hell no. Frylock takes brain I mean, okay.
Master Shake: Hey, who’s up for a little volleyball? I just put- Aw, gross! Is that a brain?
Frylock: Go destroy Balloonenstein!
Meatwad: Do what now?
Frylock: Pop the balloon with the glass!
Meatwad: Yeah, all right. Do what now?
Frylock: Pop him with the glass! The glass in your head!
Meatwad: Yeah, yeah, I know. Don't yell at me! Do what now?

Master Shake: What’s going on? What are you doing?

balloonenstein9.mp3

Frylock: Dammit, he needs his brain. Otherwise, he's just gonna float around forever saying "Do what now?"
Meatwad: Do what now?

Master Shake: Well guess what? He's not gettin his brain back, because it is now the nerve center for the city of the future: LOS BRAINGELES!

Master Shake: Frylock, they use starfish for money!
Frylock: The vortex! Meatwad, come on in!
Meatwad: Do what n-
Frylock: Oh no, it just took Meatwad!
Master Shake: Ooh, you almost stepped on the mall!
Narrator: Damn, look at these boys. They crazy in the mug, man.
Master Shake: What? (Frylock blows his sandcastle apart)

Master Shake: And thank you Lord, for giving me the power and the intelligence to open the sky with my mind and save everyone from danger. Amen. The end.
Frylock: What about Meatwad?
Master Shake: What about him? He’s gone. Look, we got his brain, we’ll just make another one... somehow.
Frylock: Uh huh.
Master Shake: Don’t make me open the sky again. 'Cause I WILL do it if you anger me.
Frylock: Okay okay, let’s just have a moment of silence for Meatwad. Carl, bow your head.

balloonenstein12.mp3

Meatwad: Where are my popsicles?
Frylock: Damn!
Master Shake: Is that you, God?
Meatwad: Frylock, get away from the pool.
Frylock: Awww hell.
Meatwad: Can-opener!